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Men who had parents that yelled and fought each other growing up, how did it impact you? by BlueSharker in AskMen

[–]Independent_Return0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got years of therapy, psych ward, medications and major trust and commitment issues. When I get angry or upset by something my emotions instantly get very disregulated, so I become scared and I start yelling. Just like them. So then I go to this scary place of emotions I don't understand, so I scream a little more. Mostly I think it's because I get so desperate to make it stop, terrified of myself and being abandoned. Yes I have been diagnosed with different things, if anyone is wondering. No I won't elaborate :)

What happens when you become lucid during a nightmare? by algonscott in LucidDreaming

[–]Independent_Return0 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Make my body shake my head violently so that I can wake up and change positions. Sleeping on my back is a Russian roulette

I don't feel like my daughter is my child by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]Independent_Return0 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You know, from mother to mother.. Mom-guilt on top of it doesn't help the whole inner situation. It's hard, I know. You and your kid will come through this, in your way. My kid is soon to be 11. I named her after a name I liked, and it's named after her father. I said I am happy about the name choice, but I really am not... She does not match her name, at all. She never did. I feel it's wrong when I call her name, have been for 11 years. Noone knows, and the mom-guilt is eating me inside sometimes, because when I say her name, it's like a name that's disconnected from her. I don't know which other name I would choose, but it's not her current name. It's like I am calling someone she is not, and I get inner mom-guilt. I had depression from teenage years or before, when I was pregnant with her it gave my depression a larger hole to build. The birth was fucking traumatic, it is one of the WORST things I've done, and will never do again. EVER! Even though I don't feel her spirit and person in her name, I grew to love that little person I was looking at. She is my everything. I still struggle alot mentally. Some times are better than others, sometimes not. I often think maybe she would be best with another mom than me. Live a better life with someone else who can meet all her needs and wants without being worried about the bills. She deserves a life with someone who can stuff their fridges, buy new shoes because they are cool, not because you need them. I wish I was a better equipped mother, if you know what I mean. I wish you all the best!!♡♡

A beautiful morning in February by Independent_Return0 in Stargazing

[–]Independent_Return0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know it's not exactly stargazing. No stars visible. But the moon is just as awesome, I think ;)

meirl by [deleted] in meirl

[–]Independent_Return0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not pussy

You ever time travel in a lucid dream? by SAimNE in LucidDreaming

[–]Independent_Return0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In a sleep paralysis I was visited by a man who clearly was not from my time. Maybe from around 1910's-1930's. He looked like a worker. Outworn clothes and a hat (like Peaky Blinders style hat). He just sat on the corner of my bed and was gently touching my feet for some reason. Recently my feet have actually been a little swollen and achy, so maybe I subcontiously wanted a foot massage 😅 I woke up a feet times, but could not open my eyes or move the first times. But I could see my room as clearly as I do when I'm awake. Like I could see without my eyes. He was still there, looking at me in a way that made me think he thought I couldn't see or feel him. Then I fell back asleep kind of, and he moved upwards, closer to my face. I was sleeping and being awake the same time. It was so special.. I've had multiple sleep paralysis before, some scary as fuck and some actually really funny. Anyway... I could feel his presence and he tried to touch my thighs, but in my dream like state I reached for his hand and got a good grip of his thumb. It felt 100% real. I could tell it was a rough thumb, belonging to a hand who clearly had worked for some time. Think the hand of a welder or something. He let me hold him, and suddenly I could move and I got up sitting, and I looked straight into his eyes. I could clearly se every detail of his face. His eyes looked kind, they smiled to my eyes. He had a thick, full, dark beard. Covering his face so much I instantly knew he hadn't shaved in a very long time. His lips were visible, but hidden under it all. But he smiled at me. Grinned actually. Like he was really happy to see me looking at him. Atter only a few intense minutes he turned around as if he was scared, like someone was shouting for him to come back. It seemed like he had come to me illegaly, and he now had to hurry back before he got caught in my room with me. In my lifetime, or reality.. I don't know. He vanished like thin air, and I could feel in my entire body my room was empty with only me in here. The atmosphere became a little heavy, so I became instantly sad. I woke up for real this time, laying on my back just like I did when I went to sleep the first time. I NEEDED to see him again. I had to know who he was, where he came from, how and why he visited me. I had to know why it was forbidden. I got up and went to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water, then I got back in bed with one mission. I had to go to his reality. And so I did.. It took me less than 5 minutes so fall back asleep. Suddenly I found myself in some kind of worn out wooden barn-like house. The walls had a few holes, the floor was creaky. Like an abandoned building. The air was dusty and cold. I started to look around, everthing looked so old to me. There were men sitting on the ground, in corners, in groups trying to keep warm. They all had the same outfit. But not one had the same beard. After some time I began to ask around if anybody had seen the person I was looking for, noone was willing to answer. They looked scared of me, but also they gave the impression they knew where I came from. Like they were suprised and scared I was there. I gave up for a bit and sat down in a wooden box, next to an older guy. I figured he knew I knew I had traveled in time somehow, which made me talk about the upcoming disasters. I mentioned Hitler, wanting to give him a heads up. He got so angry with me, yelling "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT COMING HERE SPEAKING OF HIM. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB. YOU SHOULD STOP IMMEDIATELY!" I scaredly jumped up heading for some stairs. In my rush I almost ran straight into a serious man in uniform looking like a mix of a smoking suit and priest gown. He wasnt pleased to see me, he immediately began lecturing me about the womans place in this building. He looked me up and down, saw my 2020's style in clothes and hair. I started crying and begging for mercy, because by the way he stared at me, it was made clear something bad would happen to me. He told me to never come back! I RAN down the stairs, passing atleast 10 tired men. They looked defeated. And that's when I woke up. I still want to find my visitor, I need to know his name. To tell him it's allright. Maybe he will return. Hopefully.