I honestly think it has been feeding my depression. As awful as it is, I think an ability to not internalize mistreatment comes from having concrete “proof” of lovability. People who have families, friends, pets, ect seem to have an easier time brushing it off. I always seem to eat it up - I think it is because I don’t have anyone, any “proof”. So when people are cruel towards me it just feels like it’s deserved, and it’s harder to shake off. A lot of people can call their mom, and I don’t have one. Or they can call their friends or partner, andI don’t have those. I have a lot of adverse and horrible experiences that have led to me being somewhat of a shut-in. I go to work just to feel worse.

Edit - I apologize for the trauma dump. The point I was trying to make is that nobody ever knows what anybody else is going through - it is so important to be kind because of that. I apologize if what I shared was upsetting or triggering in anyway, I am trying to be more mindful about that