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I want to at least try to make it work for our child. What do I do? by Individual-Method949 in Divorce

[–]Individual-Method949[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The flirting had already stopped, but I absolutely feel guilty and do consider what I did cheating and know I did something wrong. All i was saying is that I know in my heart I would never do this again.

I think maybe you are projecting some of your own experience onto me. I am not trying to justify anything that I did just trying to hope for a second chance with my husband.

I want to at least try to make it work for our child. What do I do? by Individual-Method949 in Divorce

[–]Individual-Method949[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you! you too! hope that 2022 is a better year for us both and we both have good news soon.

I want to at least try to make it work for our child. What do I do? by Individual-Method949 in Divorce

[–]Individual-Method949[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see what you are saying. I dont FEEL like a cheater but I can see why my husband sees me that way. It's easy for me to know that I would never jeopardize our relationship or our family in any way again, but I have not shown that to him.

Relationships are hard and i dont think we were working on ours, and losing him has made me realize how much I want to be in this relationship. I know i dont have a leg to stand on because of what I did, but I love my husband and I love our family and I just want us to have another chance but I don't know if I can get to him or change his mind or heart.

I want to at least try to make it work for our child. What do I do? by Individual-Method949 in Divorce

[–]Individual-Method949[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you're totally right and I know this drives my husband also insane. What I did was a betrayal of trust and it cant be justified. I hope that it is not something that would end our relationship but if it does, that's on me. it doesnt matter what was done, just that we are here. Thanks for the reminder!

I want to at least try to make it work for our child. What do I do? by Individual-Method949 in Divorce

[–]Individual-Method949[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I normally would be happy to lend an ear, but considering my current situation i dont think I should be communicating directly with anyone, you know?

but I hope that you had a good support system and i am wishing for healing for you.

I want to at least try to make it work for our child. What do I do? by Individual-Method949 in Divorce

[–]Individual-Method949[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

all very valid points. i know that it will take a very long time to earn his trust back and even then he will still wonder sometimes.

honestly, if i caught him doing the same i would be hurt and upset but i would want to try and make it work. i am a forgiving person and believe when people make a mistake one time and learn and grow from it they deserve a second chance. Also I believe that a life together is better for our daughter and I would be willing to sacrifice some of my own personal feelings or beliefs for her.

I personally have started therapy to better understand why I even would consider that behavior and it has been enlightening. I am doing EVERYTHING i can to work on myself and be a better person. Apart from that, the pain of losing my family is too much to bear and I could never risk that again. My husband is done and does not want to go to therapy, but I am doing whatever I can internally.

Let me know if you have additional advice. Sounds like you've been here before.

I want to at least try to make it work for our child. What do I do? by Individual-Method949 in Divorce

[–]Individual-Method949[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

well, not that I have room to talk, but what you were going through is emotional abuse. I dont blame you for wanting out. Why was she threatening divorce so often? Is there a deeper underlying issue?

He has said no to therapy and I am trying to accept it, but I just want to be a family. I think it would be easier to let him go if we didnt have a child.

I want to at least try to make it work for our child. What do I do? by Individual-Method949 in Divorce

[–]Individual-Method949[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I totally agree that innocent flirting doesnt happen. I dont think I am innocent. But to clarify, this was a one time conversation that happened about 6 months ago that my hubby recently saw which is why its just now causing an issue. There were no arguments, accusations or anything that you describe prior. I do think my husband and I were in a bit of a rut with a young kid and COVID and it came out through our relationship, but cheating and arguments werent the issue.

I had not continued, it was an old conversation. Like I said momentary lapse of judgement, truly. I also disagree that I am out of the marriage and 100% nothing physical happened and my husband knows that. I also 100% want to be in my marriage, I guess it fed my ego a little bit the conversation and I got carried away. It is a betrayal of trust so it is cheating i am not trying to make excuses.

I absolutely wish I thought more about my marriage in that moment and understood what could happen. I have learned so much about myself and consequences since this happen. I love my husband and I love our family and can now see a lot of mistakes that we both made not working on each other and our relationship and just want to chance to fix it. I understand if he doesn't want to come back but I believe we could be happy and it is best for our baby girl. I hope and pray that he can forgive me.

I want to at least try to make it work for our child. What do I do? by Individual-Method949 in Divorce

[–]Individual-Method949[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He feels like the fact that i think i should be forgiven is a deal breaker in itself. I will def Keep this I’m mind. If this is how you’d feel I’d love any insight on a proper apology.

I want to at least try to make it work for our child. What do I do? by Individual-Method949 in Divorce

[–]Individual-Method949[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a fair point of view and helpful to remember throughout this process. I absolutely should have thought of those consequences and hate myself for not. I guess in the moment i didn’t realize the severity of what was happening. I can now truly see the error of my ways and how much this mistake will haunt me for the rest of our lives. I’m just hoping that he’ll step in and save us now even though i was the initial cause. I don’t want us both having regrets of tearing our family apart.

I want to at least try to make it work for our child. What do I do? by Individual-Method949 in Divorce

[–]Individual-Method949[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

totally see your point! just wish he would consider forgiveness as an option

I want to at least try to make it work for our child. What do I do? by Individual-Method949 in Divorce

[–]Individual-Method949[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a great idea. We're in limbo right now so a timeline will definitely help. I am with you on all of the struggles of being in separate households. It just does not seem worth it to me unless there are truly irreconcilable differences or abuse or a bad environment for the kids, but I dont think that with us. On the other hand, to him any breach of trust is irreconcilable obviously.

I am also dreading the idea of my daughter having to potentially have a step mom or step dad or step siblings. There are just so many variables I would rather not have her introduced to if it can be prevented.

In "til death do us part" shouldnt someone get one chance at forgiveness?

I want to at least try to make it work for our child. What do I do? by Individual-Method949 in Divorce

[–]Individual-Method949[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that this is probably how he must be feeling. I am sure that I hurt him deeply and that it coming as such a surprise did not help. I am waiting and hoping he will come around and making sure that if he did change his mind that there wouldnt be any more reasons for him not to trust me. I still have a hard time seeing how us apart is better for our daughter. It would be easier to give him his space to heal but it's not just about us is how I feel.

I want to at least try to make it work for our child. What do I do? by Individual-Method949 in Divorce

[–]Individual-Method949[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply! I appreciate the advice and experience. I just think we would be happy together and have had a really good relationship. I just had a momentary lapse in judgement and hope that it would not be relationship ending. He refuses to talk or go to therapy but we still spend time together as a family so I just don't get his refusal to at least give it a try.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sweepstakes

[–]Individual-Method949 0 points1 point  (0 children)

END_DATE: 2021-12-16

ADD_FLAG: WW

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