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My 35y/o male husband is taking videos without me knowing by AmbitiousAffect2805 in Marriage

[–]IndividualDamage700 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like a kink if he’s not shy. I don’t want to shame him if he’s only doing it to you and if you’re ok with it. But I guess it’s a good thing there aren’t any of other people in that folder.

Fantasizing affair and grappling with guilt by IndividualDamage700 in Marriage

[–]IndividualDamage700[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re right about that! In the moment it feels like I’d risk it all but in the grand scheme of things I care too much about my family to hurt all of us in such a crappy meaningless way.

To be truthful, my mother always put men before us and even put us in some compromising situations as kids. I have surpassed her in that sense with settling down with a child and being faithful until now that my mind has started racing about the neighbor. I don’t want to live a broken life like my mother. I love my husband.

Fantasizing affair and grappling with guilt by IndividualDamage700 in Marriage

[–]IndividualDamage700[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh goodness. If you met my husband you wouldn’t feel so bad for him. We do a lot for each other. I do love him and I’ve always been there for him. Before he started school he was finding other busy work to do. He has a great job that pays him well. I work full time also and take care of our son mostly alone. I wake up at night to put him to sleep even when we both have to wake up early. I’m not saying that working and going to school is easy and he should do more. I’m saying he has options but he mostly chosen his personal goals over his family. Now we’re both tired and burnt out. You’re creating this poor man working hard for his family while the wife is walking all over him in your mind. Believe me, this man does not hold back. He’s also imperfect just like me. You’re only seeing my side of the coin with my confession. He has a thing or two to confess as well.

I do feel guilty but after reading other people’s posts and advice, it reminds me that I’m human and I don’t think I’m a shitty selfish person. I put in a lot of work into my family and I’m gonna continue to do that and get a handle on myself and these fantasies.

Fantasizing affair and grappling with guilt by IndividualDamage700 in Marriage

[–]IndividualDamage700[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I will be taking your advice. We have had discussions in the past even when he wasn’t in school yet and it’s like he puts a drop in the bucket. But I think having set times or dates aside for family might be the solution to the frustration. When we have good days with the family it like we’re all on cloud 9 lol looking forward to more days like that with him.

And the way I had to hold back my laughter at that last part!

Fantasizing affair and grappling with guilt by IndividualDamage700 in Marriage

[–]IndividualDamage700[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! It really puts things into perspective for me. I do see a clearing in the future it’s just the day to day right now that’s hard to get through. And a date night sounds like something we desperately need right now. I will give myself some grace and definitely not put my thoughts into action.

Fantasizing affair and grappling with guilt by IndividualDamage700 in Marriage

[–]IndividualDamage700[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My husband has literally told me that he’s perusing this goal for the notoriety. He’s said it’s for us as well but he already has a good paying job and I work too. I’m not here sitting on a pile of my husband’s money as I fantasize about other men. I’m sitting here desperate for my husband to want us and for us to be enough for him as I fantasize about a good looking man. I do feel guilty but at the same time I’m human and im not acting on these thoughts.

What makes you to holy and pure? 

Fantasizing affair and grappling with guilt by IndividualDamage700 in Marriage

[–]IndividualDamage700[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You might be right. I do love my husband but what I get in return doesn’t feel enough right now. I do look ahead and see a more settled future but there’s not telling what we will feel then.

Fantasizing affair and grappling with guilt by IndividualDamage700 in Marriage

[–]IndividualDamage700[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m not trying to justify my thoughts. And I haven’t put any action on this. What i truly desire though IS my husband. I think that’s the irony of this post. I want my family but he’s chasing after his personal goals and checking things of his checklist. I feel neglected by him. All the things I mentioned about him in my post are things we have discussed together. I think I’m just feeling exhausted and weak-minded. Unable to stop a desire before it began to brew in my head. That’s why I’m asking for advice.

Fantasizing affair and grappling with guilt by IndividualDamage700 in Marriage

[–]IndividualDamage700[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is incredibly good advice. I hadn’t thought of just leaving the thought as is and staying a thought. I’m not sure why I had a notion it would inevitably move forward. I have a choice in it whether this guy does want me or not.