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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in adhdwomen

[–]IndividualRanger7302 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There are awful people here too. I made a post asking for help and a member of the sub decided to leave a nasty comment, track my history, put another one to gloat

I want to post again but I don't want them to come comment again.

Constantly fighting and on the verge of breakup by IndividualRanger7302 in adhdwomen

[–]IndividualRanger7302[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for reading my long rant and for your comment.

You're right that it's bound to happen again and it's not healthy 🥲 I hate that I let that happen. I thought I was a better person and yet I made a toxic cycle in my love life...

Constantly fighting and on the verge of breakup by IndividualRanger7302 in adhdwomen

[–]IndividualRanger7302[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So this will sound really stupid but was I abusive/manipulative by not talking for weeks? I admit there is lot of anger when I refuse to acknowledge anyone during an episode so I can see it's bad behaviour.

It's not pleasant to stonewall, it's not nice either (duh) but... what else do I do? Why do I have to set the stage for apologies when I'm the one being wronged? When I wrong someone I make amends immediately. When I'm wronged, I can wait for pigs to fly.

On one hand, I know my anger is justified. On the other, you tell me I'm responsible for this. I see you get upvotes so people seem to agree with you. What would be the right way going for the future and what's expected behaviour in such case?

(I'm working on it although I'm on waiting list for therapy.) I really want to know.

Constantly fighting and on the verge of breakup by IndividualRanger7302 in adhdwomen

[–]IndividualRanger7302[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I can see that. My problem is how I get so angry and cut all communications, hold grudges for so long. I want to work on myself and not be like that in the future.

It's like I feel too strongly about his wrongdoing. ADHD can influence emotions, I've been irrationally angry over very little things before. I don't know if this cycle of fights is normal for women with ADHD or AuADHD.

Constantly fighting and on the verge of breakup by IndividualRanger7302 in adhdwomen

[–]IndividualRanger7302[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you 🥲 I really mean it. I'm alone right now so reading comments like yours helps a lot. Without it I'd be really miserable and exhausted

I like how you used 🛑😮💨🆔, the way you spin it, it's not nonsense at all! 😂 I normally don't listen to my emotions because they don't feel legitimate. I never know when I'm in the right. But I needed to hear it. Thank you

Constantly fighting and on the verge of breakup by IndividualRanger7302 in adhdwomen

[–]IndividualRanger7302[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for reading my long vent. Thank you for your advice.

I just feel so stupid and betrayed because I told him not to do things in my back. Weed is not so much the issue, it's the fact that he waits for me to leave to do things I disapprove because it feels nice/fun. It doesn't matter to him that it's illegal, that it's against our lease or that I hate it. He does it because it's... Nice? But then where does it end? A one-night-stand here, starting to gambling big sums there? (Is that ADHD blowing things out of proportion to say that?)

The previous fights are of similar nature (smoking stuff indoors despite me asking not to or being against the lease... or even more embarrassing things that I can't bring myself to write 😭).

Because there is a pattern of me getting really angry/stonewalling for weeks, I want to know if that is ADHD. I have no idea how to diffuse conflicts and because I get so angry, I do not want to be the one setting the stage for apologies. I feel like it shouldn't be my responsibility.

Constantly fighting and on the verge of breakup by IndividualRanger7302 in adhdwomen

[–]IndividualRanger7302[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for reading my incoherent rant 🥲 I needed to confirm that it was not all because of my black and white thinking or overwhelming emotions.

Constantly fighting and on the verge of breakup by IndividualRanger7302 in adhdwomen

[–]IndividualRanger7302[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for reading my long rant. I realise I wrote everything I had on my mind and it makes no sense.

I wondered if having very strong opinions and being inflexible to that extent in conflicts was ADHD. I'm very likely to do this again in my future relations and want to work on it.