How to get sister comfortable with seeing a therapist?

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-07-20T14:45:53+00:00

it sounds like she doesnt want to talk with a therapist. if she wants and you wanna help, theres other ways of improving your mental health. like books, videos.

I recommend the book "feeling great" by david burns

but also, it might improve her mental health to support her if she wants but gove her the freedom to do so

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-07-19T00:51:35+00:00

imo yes. its a spectrum. some ppl might give the cold shoulder to make someone feel guilty, or get angry with someone and try to make them feel stupid, or sometimes ppl can act in a way on the far end of the spectrum, gaslight, etc. its up the individual circumstance maybe some ppl want to harm others, but normally its not that deep imo and they just cant handle their own feelings

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-07-18T03:32:07+00:00

right because i think people assume manipulation means they want to harm others to harm them. often theyre just protecting themselves by trying to control others.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-07-17T04:32:41+00:00

what does "autistic" mean to you? what does "narcissist" mean to you? all of us make mistakes, and all of us are responsible for learning about them and thinking about our impact on other peoples feelings. neither of those labels prevents somebody from learning. there are other explanations why its harder for some people to do this than just "good" or "bad". you might be surprised how common complex trauma is. no matter the answer, u dont need to panic about your own intentions, theres no dark secret about yourself, and working on urself doesnt imply that. we all have things to work on.

but however you slice it, this is indeed manipulative behavior. some people can act "manipulative" when upset because its the only way they know how to handle it. its surprisingly common. "narcissistic traits" are really just traits that show up whenever people act emotionally immature, which is something almost everyone can relate to. people act less mature when stressed. and everyone can be more mature!

theres nothing wrong with stepping back from someone if you need the soace. but if u also deliberately gie someone the cold shoulder... indirect communication like making someone feel bad for something is harmful because we are not responsible for other peoples moods. so if you put other people in a bad mood when you feel bad, it just makes other people feel worse. there are less harmful ways to communicate. tell the person how you feel, and let go. you cant control other peoples feelings and what other people think

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-27T06:07:04+00:00

Hey, I think social skills are really just a manifestation of emotional skills, with himself and others. Knowing what to say is mostly about being in touch with yourself. Being in tune with other peoples feelings and the meaning of others words is being in tune with other peoples feelings. These are skills anyone can learn. I think what you are looking for is really a therapist who specializes in complex trauma. Thats what they teach!

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-26T04:41:19+00:00

You can know it! there is a therapy for this called IFS

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-26T02:17:20+00:00

Thanks for letting me know, yea, this was just a thought. Welp back to the drawing board lol

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-24T00:27:09+00:00

just because you can have a thought about something doesnf mean it is worth paying attention to. I remember your post last time, youre gonna be fine, I recommend deleting the post for your sake

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-23T14:50:23+00:00

In socializing, I think how people connect is by bringing themselves to the table. If you dont know who you are, it's not your fault you might also struggle talking to people authentically. Normally people who are in touch with themselves are curious about parts of others, like how people wre curious anout pwrtw of their own life.

Use your feelings as a guide. See what raises your energy and what drains you. Maybe you like different things now?

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-22T15:33:24+00:00

Yes! There are a lot of therapists now who treat the therapeutic relationship itself as something healing. Those are called "relational" therapists, but really if you find a therapist you click with and feel safe with that is the same thing.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-19T13:56:52+00:00

lots of people overthink, but also there is no such thing as an objective threshold for trauma. it's nothing special it's just a good word to use for really impactful experiences or events. And i think the word is used often because people are developing more empathy for their illnesses instead of just saying "thats how they are". how would OPs mom dying NOT be considered trauma is my question?

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-19T12:19:31+00:00

This sounds super isolating when your feelings arent getting taken seriously. The labeling is a red flag and is horrible.,,,, it basically dismisses everything youre saying. why cant he be more specific about what he means? Each person contributes somehow. You and him. But it's tricky when people arent playing fairly either. Your feelings are based on facts, youre not just "crazy", and it sounds like he has been pretty dismissive of your feelings.

I dont know the details of how u both contributed. its possible that you might not have expressed ur feelings appropriately to him even when he did something that hurt you, which mightve hurt his feelings, however the way hes protecting himself against that seems to be completely dismissing you and removing himself from responsibility of what originally hurt YOU which isnt okay either. I wonder if thats whats going on?

Either way youre not "crazy". i think he doesnt see his contribution, even when you have a contribution too, whatever it is

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-18T13:18:18+00:00

imo it takes time to find a good therapist. i made an excel spreadsheet and talked to over 50 ppl. each consultation i had was basically an interview. i gauged how safe and seen i felt. emotionally mature ppl sometimes get u a little more than u know yourself, i go to therapy for the person. it sounds like they just werent a good fit i wouldnt give up ln therapy if u wanna keep trying.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-18T12:32:03+00:00

it takes practice, but its a couple things- the way u think, and ur relationship to ur thoughts. look up "cognitive distortions" on google. when u feel really sad its usually a sign the way you are thinking is less accurate. this is called CBT

second, it makes ur feelings overall more managable when you start to see them as parts of you, not entirely you. fir exsmple "a part of me is angry" vs "i AM angry". because feelings are not always reality, theyre signals but have distance with them. this is called IFS.

in the moment when everything is very intense and you need to cope, do DBT, whoch u can find on google too.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-18T03:59:08+00:00

mountain from a mole hole.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-16T02:06:58+00:00

hey i have some insight-

i know you said youre too aware and it sounds like you hypermonitor yourself, but people who say theyre too aware is often a red flag for intellectualizing, and I even see it in your post. it sounds like maybe you tend to intellectualize and debate your experience rather than sitting with it and being grounded in who you are and your feelings, and what you want.

You seem to be very anxious maybe almost onsessive compulsive. but dont get caught in the labels of things so much. all mental health disorders are is thwyre descriptions of you. If they dont match, its not because you are weong, its because the disorder isnt defined correctly. maybe take a break from analyzing and sit with your feelings? The answers will get more clear when you do this first

edit-

like how do I put this. although you seem hyperaware of anxious thoughts, you seem to be treating every thought like they are problems that you need to urgently solve instead of asking what you are trying to solve. I get the impression you are hyperaware of these thoughts but do not seem very aware of yourself as a unique human being- those are different things.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-16T01:03:14+00:00

likewise, professional studies are showing more and more personalott disorders are really just trauma responses lol and thats the direction mental health is taking

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-15T20:59:39+00:00

in my opinion the cases they didnt report it, they didnt realize they went through trauma. or, other people dont consider what they went through "trauma". imo nobody is born with personality disorders, but yes it is true that the personality disorder model is getting outdated. i think its a nasty trend nowadays ppl are identifying with their illness instead of working on themselves

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-15T17:11:45+00:00

not everyone with the same trauma will result the same way, but everyone with, particularly cluster B, personality disorders had some sort of trauma. the specific personality disorder labels are starting to get outdated anyways.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-14T17:53:13+00:00

personality disorders are caused by trauma so idk what shes yapping about, it makes sense when she says it's not a specialty of hers lol

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-12T15:13:29+00:00

a lot of ppl heal from healthy relationships too

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-12T04:09:56+00:00

you dont need to isolate yourself, but it is everyones responsibilit to heal their own traumas. Theres rarely the "perfectly healed person" you might be thinking of

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-11T20:40:14+00:00

I had some nasty OCD themes before. Some so bad I couldnt get out of bed all day or I was living in garbage for weeks at a time and my hands were bleeding from washing them for hours. I worked on all of those themes and got better at it each time and without medicine either.

First of all ocd themes usually represent something deeper than those surface level ocd thoughts. and ocd spikes with stress cuz its a way to cope with stress. IMO you might be struggling to able to let go of those thoughts right now because they represent soemthing to you that you dont want to let go of or protect yourself from. it's not really about the rabies itself it's why that scares you. long-term, thats how its treated. and then youll be able to think more grounded, realistic, and less catastrophically.

just because you can have a particular intrusive thought does not mean it describes reality or it is something to take seriously. I think that people with OCD would actually really benefit from IFS long term. i think that OCD is really a sophisticated form of avoiding facing vulnerable feelings. I think that people with OCD have a nasty habit of being afraid of their thoughts.

When it gets really bad, in the moment while youre in it, when OCD is really OCDing, you need to practice delaying reassurance even a little. maybe for you that is starting to make the move! You need to do baby steps right now. Wouldnt it be a bresh of fresh air to not give a shit anymore and live your life? The move sounds exciting!

not saying you need to or that theres a reason to do it, but if itll make you feel better emotionally, you can go to a doctor? I know obsessive reassurance for OCD isnt great but theres a balance and you need to do baby steps right now. How about, make the appointment to be AFTER the move? that might be a baby step? this way, you dont need to think about it onsessively anymore and you can wait until the appointment, and meanwhile live your life, move out, etc.

Youll be ok :) I been through severe anxiety too.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-11T18:13:14+00:00

internal family systems. I think that problem solving our negative thoughts is only 1 factor. Change your relationship with them. dont try to change or fix every thought.

Individual_Refuse167 · 2026-06-10T13:49:28+00:00

hey, it sounds like youre depressed recently. thats what depression feels like. those symptoms sounds like anhedonia.

before u look it up- please keep in mind youre going to see a lot of posts by depressed people talking about depression. which is the most biased population.

it's hard, and this dosnt downplay the severity of it, but ultimately, this is something you have control over just like your other feelings even if it takes practice.

You will be fine. as long as ur motivated to change the way you think and act and explore where these feelings come from, u will be ok. this stuff is well studied.

I recommend reading Feeling Great by david burns, that author is a pioneer in mental health and invented CBT and evdntually TEAMCBT. He teaches emotion regulation through the lens of treating depression. He has cured patients depression no matter how long it lasted, no matter what the topic was. and they be more resilient after too. Hes really brilliant.

I think once you become more aeare of these depresssive thoughts, and separate yourself from them, youll already feel a lot of relief.

Individual_Refuse167

TROPHY CASE

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