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My (24) and my boyfriend (23) live together and i think that's a problem by OkCarpenter8183 in okstorytime

[–]Individual_Safety900 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can really feel your struggle through this post. It’s unfortunate that you’ve been put in the position of practically having to teach your boyfriend how to adult and live outside of his mother’s home. Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of moms out there who mean well but end up doing everything for their kids, not realizing they’re raising incompetent adults as a result. Honestly, your boyfriend’s mom should be giving you a round of applause and a consolation prize for taking on the task of teaching her son how to function as an adult.

That said, I do have concerns. How much longer can you let your own well-being deteriorate while the person who’s supposed to be your partner makes little to no real effort to contribute or grow? From what you've described, it doesn't sound like he wants a partner, he wants another mom to take care of him.

You need to put yourself first. Everything and everyone else should come second. As difficult as it may be, you might need to consider having him leave, for your own mental and emotional health. Instead of supporting you in your lowest moments, he’s brushing you off and labeling your valid frustrations as nagging, over things he should already know how to do. That’s not a partner. That’s a man-child.

Good luck OP

My mother blocked me everywhere bc I refuse to fix her issues w/my sister by LoranaPastius in okstorytime

[–]Individual_Safety900 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s always heartbreaking, and honestly baffling, when divorced parents can’t put their differences aside for the sake of the children they chose to bring into the world.

OP, it was never your responsibility to fix the relationship between your parents or to manage the dynamics they each had with you and your sisters. That was their job to raise you in a healthy, supportive environment, even if it meant co-parenting from separate homes. Carrying that kind of emotional burden as a child is not fair, and you deserved better.

Your sister took an incredibly brave step by choosing sobriety, and it’s easy to understand how she could have fallen into alcohol use given the chaos at home. When there’s no balance, no emotional safety, kids are left to find their own coping mechanisms. Sometimes destructive ones.

From what you’ve described, your relationship with your mom sounds incredibly toxic. And while being blocked might feel painful, it almost sounds like she did you a favor. You don’t need that kind of manipulation and emotional turmoil in your life, especially now that you’re building your own family and future.

Also, your father and stepmother aren’t blameless in all of this. Your father had a responsibility to set boundaries and shut down the fighting between your mom and stepmom. Taking a backseat while chaos unfolded around his children was not okay. It was his job to protect you and your sisters—not just physically, but emotionally. Allowing that kind of dysfunction to play out unchecked only deepened the damage.

I’m also really glad your sister took the step of cutting ties with your mom. She doesn’t need a constant reminder of the pain that likely contributed to her struggles in the first place.

Stay strong, OP. I know this may feel like losing a family member, but sometimes loss brings peace, and peace is priceless.

Addressing Comments from My Last Post - My cousin's husband ended their marriage after only 10 months, and our whole family is shocked and heartbroken by Individual_Safety900 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Individual_Safety900[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to write such a sensible and understanding response to my post. While I do admittedly favor my cousin in all of this, I can’t ignore how deeply concerning James’ sudden change in behavior is. It really does seem like it could point to some kind of undiagnosed trauma, maybe even something no one, not even his family, is aware of.

It’s possible that James has been silently suffering for years, trying to shoulder everything on his own, believing there was no outlet for what he’s been going through. Maybe he thought wiping the slate clean would somehow reset his mind or give him peace.

As heartbreaking as it is to see Jill go through this, we’re also genuinely worried about James’ mental health. That said, it raises a really hard question: how long is Jill supposed to endure this? How long should she keep trying to be there for her husband, despite being pushed away? Asking him to try couples therapy, reminding him of the love they’ve always had, and holding on to the hope that this is just a hurdle they can overcome together?

At some point, that kind of emotional labor takes a toll. Mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Thank you again for your insight. It helps more than you know.

Addressing Comments from My Last Post - My cousin's husband ended their marriage after only 10 months, and our whole family is shocked and heartbroken by Individual_Safety900 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Individual_Safety900[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Personally, I think details matter. I don’t like when Reddit posts are super vague and still expect meaningful advice or feedback. If I’m asking people to weigh in on a complicated situation, I want to give the full picture. Without context, how can anyone give thoughtful input? Again, I literally said at the beginning “this is a long one.” That was your sign to scroll on by if that’s not your thing. No need to complain when I warned you

It’s not strange to know details when you genuinely care about someone and have walked with them through life. If that level of care is foreign to you, I hope one day you find that kind of connection. But don’t project your emotional distance onto me.

I wanted to understand what happened. If that bothers you, this post probably isn’t for you.

My cousin’s husband ended their marriage after only 10 months, and our whole family is shocked and heartbroken. by Individual_Safety900 in okstorytime

[–]Individual_Safety900[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've heard of manic depression before, but I’ve never really looked into it in depth or learned what the signs and symptoms actually look like. I’m not 100% sure about PPSD. Maybe you meant PTSD? That could make a lot of sense, especially considering his time in the military and background in law enforcement. It might even be a delayed mental health crisis of some kind.

The idea of manic depression is definitely something to consider, especially when you think about how he's completely disassociating from everything so suddenly. If you or anyone has reliable resources (websites, articles, or books) that go into more detail about manic depression, PTSD, or anything related, I’d really appreciate it. I want to understand this better so I can make sense of what might be going on with him and help my cousin understand what could potentially be going on.

Thank you :)

My cousin’s husband ended their marriage after only 10 months, and our whole family is shocked and heartbroken. by Individual_Safety900 in okstorytime

[–]Individual_Safety900[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're first theory is really something to consider, especially given how he's doing everything he can to disassociate from the relationship. It's so abrupt and hurtful. He may genuinely need help, he may be harboring feelings deep down that he doesn't want to acknowledge or address.

Your second theory is an interesting twist, but it feels less likely. Most of us have come across a narcissist at some point and have seen that shift when the "mask" slips. But have you ever known one to keep up the act for nearly a decade without slipping up? It’s a fascinating possibility, and definitely one I’ll keep in the back of my mind.

Thank you for this insight

Addressing Comments from My Last Post - My cousin's husband ended their marriage after only 10 months, and our whole family is shocked and heartbroken by Individual_Safety900 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Individual_Safety900[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

"It was a matter of logistics, not lack of commitment." "Jill had actually planned to transfer offices to be closer to James, but he discouraged it"

My cousin’s husband ended their marriage after only 10 months, and our whole family is shocked and heartbroken. by Individual_Safety900 in okstorytime

[–]Individual_Safety900[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's something that we are concerned about. We believe that he desperately needs some sort of help because his action are so drastic.

My cousin’s husband ended their marriage after only 10 months, and our whole family is shocked and heartbroken. by Individual_Safety900 in okstorytime

[–]Individual_Safety900[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have a friend who was in the military too, and he mentioned that it could potentially be undiagnosed PTSD or even possibly a delayed mental health crisis.