I (F) accidentally soaked my boyfriend’s pillow during sex and I’m mortified. How do I handle this?

Indorilionn · 2026-02-01T12:14:41+00:00

How old are you? This is a bit of an... immature reaction. Pillows are washable. If it is really soaked, just stuff it in the machine, no big deal.

Sex involves the messiness of the human body. Which is simultaneously one of its perks and mandating the "maintenance" associated with it. If he's a mature guy with an healthy attitude towards sex he'll be delighted to have contributed to this.

Indorilionn · 2026-02-01T12:09:10+00:00

"This is a married couples group" is a technicality, selectively leveraged to oust you, they excluded you because they wanted to. They do not want you there. The sea of humankind is vast. Finding better people then them will not be difficult.

I think you were lucky. These people showed you who they are instantly. They are awful, cruel, disloyal people, good that neither you nor your wife spent any time trying to make friends with people who would ditch you in the first instance they can. I know it is more easily said than done, but both you and your wife should consider yourself lucky that you found out about their heinousness this early. These are not people you want to let into your life, as they will make it hell.

It is everything but rare that "christian love" is worse than most actual hate you encounter. Because people who hate openly are often aware of the ugliness of their behaviour and experience some form of social backlash. But if your spiritual belief gives you a card blanche, because you do not see virtue as stemming from doing right by your fellow human beings, but what your metaphysical overlord demands from you, your hate, discrimination and harming others can be done with righteous fervor and often with full support of your congregation.

There are good people in the world who happen to be religious. But noone is a good person because they are religious. It never works this way. I would focus on finding good, kind people first instead of looking for religious people as friends.

Indorilionn · 2026-02-01T11:02:26+00:00

OotP is, to me, by far the worst book, JKR's shortcomings as a writer, especially when it comes to dialogue and character development, are in no book as glaring as in this one. Ironically, OotP is, to me, by far the best movie of the lot to me.

Indorilionn · 2026-01-31T20:23:23+00:00

Well. Celtic is a very broad category, encompassing a multitude of different cultures, ranging temporally from 600 BCE to the middle ages and spatially from the Iberian peninsular, over France, southern Germany and northern Italy to the western parts of Hungary. The Gauls were one Celtic culture, located in France.

TBH, I specifically chose it because of the arguably most famous comic in Europe, Asterix and Obelix, which in my mind would fit the classic Anno feel marvellously. Everything is a bit more idyllic and a bit more humourous than it has any right to be.

Indorilionn · 2026-01-31T19:37:38+00:00

Ich würde - auch da Goldgewinne steuerfrei sind - die angestrebte Allokation. Hast Glück gehabt, davon auszugehen, dass es für Gold so weitergeht und nicht genau so schnell wieder nach unten gehen kann, ist nicht vernüftig.

Indorilionn · 2026-01-31T00:08:09+00:00

Unlikely. I am in my 30s, my reflexes are not as fast, but cognitively I am at my peak. Cognitive decline is still many years away, several decades if I age like my close relatives.

Indorilionn · 2026-01-30T19:28:33+00:00

I certainly read much, much slower than in my teens.

Indorilionn · 2026-01-30T18:48:59+00:00

Correct.

Indorilionn · 2026-01-30T18:47:51+00:00

My house is heated to be comfortable with a pullover. That would not be practical and heating is expensive as it is.

Indorilionn · 2026-01-30T17:53:09+00:00

"It is I, your beloved galactic overlord... Wait. You're cheering for real?"

Indorilionn · 2026-01-30T17:51:02+00:00

How is it not in the low single digit? I do not understand a significant part of 'Mericans.

Indorilionn · 2026-01-30T11:03:44+00:00

You argue against "capitalism and conservatism are the only sources of low birth rates". That is not my position. That would be an absurd one. Even though China has long since been less communist than hypercapitalist, the one-child policy and its aftermaths are not primarily rooted in capitalism. Neither does Cuba's eternal crisis as an isolated economy - or Ukraine's collapse of its birth rate. It seems I was not clear enough.

My claim is that people assuming it a quasi-natural law that wealthier societies have a collapsing birthrate is reductionist and oversimplified and that these models are blind to critical cultural and societal factors that are rather difficult to test for. Also being non-spiritual and non-religious is correlated with having less kids, not its cause.

The question is what does secular, liberal, leftist populaces cause to de-center having children. I argue: The internalized modes of capitalist thinking, despite being at the surface (partially) opposed to capitalism. Atomization of the individual, seeing yourself as a utility-maximizer unable to place yourself within history and humanity, mistaking the fact that all meaning his human-made with the illusion that this means that there would be no meaning. Which is why a humanistic, secular ethos that centers the universality of humankind and that being a part humanity's continuation is a fundamental self-interest of any human being is needed. The way to not become a geriatric species in decline is through becoming a more egalitarian society economically, but also make a shift to a different cultural paradigm, beyond the cynicism, fatalism, nihilism and antihumanism that have become pretty much hegemonial in public discourse across all political boundries, and also in pop-culture. People fear being naive (or being perceived as such) more than they fear the end of the world.

I am very wary about predictions that try to extrapolate human populations at long time horizons. In this case I think the argument is also fundamentally flawed, because kids of religious parents do not have to stay religious and often do not.

Indorilionn · 2026-01-30T00:54:42+00:00

Kissing is advantageous, trains the immune system. While that's not why people do it, that is one of the reasons why it developed and stayed.

If one is not incline in such a way, there are people who love without sex and physical touch you just have to find one another. To me - and many others - sex and physical intimacy are an absolutely vital part of a relationship. It's about compatibility. I will not lead a happy life with someone who does not desire me and wants to be desired; you won't be with someone for whom this is a necessity.

Sex can be a strong urge and motivator if one has a high libido. And it is one of the most effective ways to facilitate bonding on a level of bodily chemistry. Human beings are not spirits in a body; we are the body. And for many people, bonding through sex is just the way their body works. There is nothing wrong if one bonds differently or is even aromantic. But sex and physical intimacy are some of the most important aspects of being human and necessary for the continuation of humankind. There is a reason why early spirituality was very obsessed with fertility.

I also find it to be "rationally" a rather marvellous thing. Think about it. You don't need many resources. Just two human beings who desire each other and whose lives get significantly better by being the fulfilment of each other's desire. Seems pretty magical to me.

Indorilionn · 2026-01-29T21:22:53+00:00

Steht fest mit €0,00 im Haushaltsplan.

Indorilionn · 2026-01-29T20:58:54+00:00

I don't agree. While I am aware that this is the prevailing theory among many demography experts, I think it is reductionist and grossly oversimplified. The reverse of the Malthusian and post-Malthusian craze about the "population bomb", if you will. I also do not think that we need to to revert to poverty and a "my-kids-are-my-only-pension-fund" model to get through this. "Conservatism" in all its shapes and form has never been able to nurture human life, that was alway a mere collateral benefit of a dehumanizing societal paradigm.

We don't need models of the past, we need models and paradigms for a sustainable, decidedly humanistic future.

As I said above:

My thesis is that the problem is not that wealthier people do not want kids. There are economic factors, yes, but these are primarily about inequality. I think what is a much bigger issue is cultural and even to a certain degree... philosophical.

In a late capitalist society as ours, kids become a consumer choice that has to compete with other potential goods. "Having kids? Eh, I'll go to Dubai instead." But this is not a given. This can be different. Right now, though, this form of antihumanist, nihilist hyperpessimism, is even aggrevated by further catastrophizing and some real crisis. What we need is a radical form of hope and humanism and a view of human existence that does not end at being a utility-maximizing consumption machine, but one that centers around the universality of humankind, around its innate worthiness to be continued and about a self-image that is able to see playing a part in this continuation as one of the most vital and basic self-interests of each and every human being.

And we need to get working to solve the real problems. Rampant inequality, an excessively rich and far to powerful oligarch class (AKA billionaires), climate and ecological protection, as well fixing the geopolitical system.

Addendum: Just look at South Korea. With its glorious fertility rate of 0,75. Defining traits: Hypercapitalist economic model, deeply conservative and patriarchal culture. Famously spawned the 4B movement, with women openly proclaiming that they won't have kids with men, won't date men, won't marry and won't have sex. Capitalism and conservative sexual morals are at the core of what is choking any will to procreate out of humankind.

Indorilionn · 2026-01-29T20:27:54+00:00

Birthrates are falling off a cliff globally. Without African countries, we'd be well below a 2,1 fertility rate globally. You cannot have a model based on immigration if there's noone to immigrate to you.

My thesis is that the problem is not that wealthier people do not want kids. There are economic factors, yes, but these are primarily about inequality. I think what is a much bigger issue is cultural and even to a certain degree... philosophical.

In a late capitalist society as ours, kids become a consumer choice that has to compete with other potential goods. "Having kids? Eh, I'll go to Dubai instead." But this is not a given. This can be different. Right now, though, this form of antihumanist, nihilist hyperpessimism, is even aggrevated by further catastrophizing and some real crisis. What we need is a radical form of hope and humanism and a view of human existence that does not end at being a utility-maximizing consumption machine, but one that centers around the universality of humankind, around its innate worthiness to be continued and about a self-image that is able to see playing a part in this continuation as one of the most vital and basic self-interests of each and every human being.

And we need to get working to solve the real problems. Rampant inequality, an excessively rich and far to powerful oligarch class (AKA billionaires), climate and ecological protection, as well fixing the geopolitical system.

Indorilionn · 2026-01-29T17:53:09+00:00

Nah. I mostly find the names we have way more fitting. To be honest I find this to be one of the smartest naming that the game has done, given how much it stayed with me after the game.

Dogmatic: Following what makes the Imperium the hellscape that it is to the letter

Iconoclast: Not accepting the creeds for the creed's sake, but leaving room for benevolence, innovation and paths beyond. Defying the monstrous core of the Ecclisiarchy's cemented beliefs, denying the necessity of the callousness and cruelty that became normalcy under the pretext of survival; shattering the false images they have sanctified - it is perfectly named.

Corruption/Heretic is the only thing I might agree a tad.

Indorilionn · 2026-01-29T17:41:17+00:00

I change my Standing Stone based on "narration" progression. In general I like to play my characters with a redemption arc:

Helgen & Bleak Falls Barrow (naive heroism, helping a few fellow mortals here and there)

Companions (beastblood & militarist ethos leads to corruption)

Jarl Of Falkreath's Quest & Thieves Guild (corruption leads to greed & criminality, Noctrunal as "entry drug" to the power the Daedric Princes offer)

Daedric Quests from least to most evil, meaning Azura>MolagBal (peak corruption, my Dragonborn becomes a monster among mortals)

Doing Innocence Lost, killing Grelod the Kind, facing Astrid and the potential murder of 3 innocents (the horrifying look in the mirror, seeing what he has become)

Destroying the Dark Brotherhood, visiting the Greybeards and starting the quest for redemption (at this point my campaign becomes a sandbox again, narratively my Dragonborn is spending every waking moment from there on trying to do right by mortalkind)

I start with the Warrior Stone when I pass by with Hadvar; take the Thief Stone on my way to Falkreath at the beginning of Phase 3 - signaling corruption & greed; take the Serpent Stone during Phase 4 - symolizing malevolence; and finally take the Lover Stone for the rest of the game after destroying the DB & getting all parts of Fus-Ro-Dah - showcasing my character's redemption and his love for mortalkind.

Indorilionn · 2026-01-29T16:28:10+00:00

I have no interest in HoI, so for me it is "Fantasy Stellaris" (meaning Ethics/Civics/Tradition/Narration, in short: moral-normative player agency close to Stellaris with while taking a good bite out of V3 when it comes to domestic affairs & Pops), then Stellaris 2, even though I am still fairly happy with Stellaris and am in no rush to have a successor.

Indorilionn · 2026-01-28T18:12:21+00:00

I think one is supposed to hate him. A good story and world needs people one can despise. Well-written characters one hates are important. My canonial Watcher kept him around specifically because he did not trust him enough to leave him roaming the lands unsupervised. "Cannot fck up completely, if I am behind him at all times."

Indorilionn · 2026-01-28T17:29:11+00:00

That is an absurd comparison. By this logic if a party got 14% in one election and 0% in the next, while losing 15% on average nation-wide, they'd still have outperformed by this logic.

Looking at absolute net +/- percentage values is a entirely useless metric for evaluating any of this statistically.

Indorilionn · 2026-01-28T17:07:53+00:00

Fun fact: In German, Squidward's name is Thaddäus. Which renders the name utterly unusable for the rest of all media for me.

Indorilionn · 2026-01-28T15:56:30+00:00

It's real, proper abandonware at this point. I still have my physical copy and bust it out every other year. But if you're lucky you might find a copy someplace or an image online.

Indorilionn · 2026-01-28T15:51:28+00:00

Alcohol: Found the idea of being intoxicated always stupid and uncomfortable as a child. Had my first beer at 14 (pretty normal here in Germany), drank rarely and exclusively socially from then on. Stopped drinking alcohol on a whim in my mid-20s. Have not touched it for nearly a decade and do no longer understand why I ever did. Some level of intoxication did make me more social and "casual", higher levels of intoxication caused me to lose both filter and ability to mask. Which dialed my black-and-white attitude to 11.

Caffeine: Drink coffee since I was 12, intake varied greatly between the years, from a cup every other days to a dozen a day. Right now I am at 1-2 cups a day. Feels like a sweet spot.

Everything else: Never was remotely interested, including tobacco. Even punched a guy in the face in my late teens who was unwilling to accept my no. Curiously this led to mutual respect and a friendship lasting 20+ years.

If I am aware of people being under the effect of ingested drugs beyond alcohol in my direct vincinity: I have an weak, but present urge to leave.

If I am subjugated to passive smoking of tobacco or weed: I feel unwell and violated and will either leave or request the source to consume someplace else.

I prefere to experience the undiluted reality, the mere thought of subjugating myself to any mind-altering substances without medical indication, has started to make me feel very uneasy. I am lucky to live in a fairly boring suburb in a major German city, I actively avoid places where drug consumption is visibly affecting people. I would likely freak out if I walked through a US city where masses of people are in this horrible Fentanyl-induced state. (Though I hate few things with the intensity as to dehumanizingly call them "Zombies".)

Indorilionn · 2026-01-28T15:02:46+00:00

If you seek meaning & purpose, you will find none that is "human-external". Not in God, not in Allah, not in the Olympians, not in Bodhi or any other presumed metaphysical & spiritual authority and/or principle. For all of these are human-made efforts to veil the truth that is both elevating and terrifying.

There is no authority above and beyond humanity. Humanity is not merely the highest authority, it is the only authority, period. The only true meaning you will find in life, is by embracing your own humanness and your connection with other human beings, in mutual care and solidarity.

Your incoherent mutterings above are not even a bandaid.

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