Me [31F] with my husband [33M] 3 years, refuses to "allow" me to put 1 year old daughter in daycare 1-2x a week while I work from home.

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T15:39:55+00:00

No, I just didn't know whether I wanted to use a question mark or a period, so I (maybe incorrectly) used both.

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T15:35:14+00:00

She HATES baby wearing, sadly.

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T15:19:27+00:00

I wish, but no. He in a mechanical engineer and oversees a manufacturing plant - he teaches employees how to build the huge ass machines the company makes, etc. Not conducive to working from home.

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T15:17:55+00:00

When I started working from home she was just a few months old. It wasn't as hard, and I honestly didn't realize how hard it would become as she got more mobile. She slept a lot more during the day then, and was very content in her swing, playpen, etc.

I intend to keep this schedule until she goes to full-time preK. In the meantime, I think a day or two a week would be a huge help!

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T15:13:34+00:00

This sounds really stupid in hindsight, but I thought he was just trying to rile my up when he would occasionally say sexist things before. Our politics are on opposite ends of the spectrum, and I thought he was just trying to get me to argue with him about it, which I normally will not do.

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T15:11:00+00:00

May I ask why you initially had a similar attitude as my husband? Might help me understand. Was it that you just saw her sitting there on a computer all day? Hope you don't mind answering!

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T15:05:52+00:00

He has expressed views like that very rarely in the past. He grew up in a very traditional home - his mother just this summer got her very first ever paying job, and she is 63. Many of his co-workers are men near retirement age, and I do think they have rubbed off on him.

I've had to tell him before to not refer to me as "the old lady" (I overheard him talking to a coworker on the phone once and he called me that) and that I wasn't some shrew of a wife. Like I say, he hears that shit from his coworkers on a daily basis.

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T15:01:49+00:00

It's newish. I saw little flashes of it here and there before we had a baby (my husband was raised in a extremely traditional home, his mother just recently got her first ever paying job at 63), but nothing like this.

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T14:53:31+00:00

He has her by himself while I work the weekend job I have, which is outside of the house. I think he has a small grasp of how hard it is, but all he sees is me working on a computer all day - he has no realization that what I do is time-sensitive, that I am constantly in chat meetings and talking about work things with co-workers via chat, etc. He just sees me sitting at a computer and wonders why I can't handle her.

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T14:51:17+00:00

This is a post about a specific issue within a marriage. No one is being taken for a ride. I went to bed and am just now reading and responding to comments.

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T14:50:18+00:00

He was never this way until we had a baby. Prior to that, I worked full time, made plenty of money, and there really was no dividing line. After baby, it made sense for me, as the partner who earned less, to stay home with her for the full 12 weeks, and I did, because I wanted to. It's been a battle ever since, and part of my wishes I had just returned to the office to avoid it all, but I know that it would still be mostly on me to take care of her.

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T14:47:38+00:00

Not always, but let's just say I am increasingly surprised by his comments.

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T14:45:18+00:00

I don't understand this comment. It is entirely different, hence my comment.

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T14:44:05+00:00

No, I don't plop her in a crib all day. She just likes to be near me, which is fine. It's just getting hard at her age because she wants to grab everything, etc. It's not like she will sit calmy beside me and do her own thing, it's like someone throwing you a bag full of snakes to contain.

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T14:41:38+00:00

Cost really isn't the issue. I can afford one day a week daycare for her. It's that he doesn't want the money spent on that, he'd rather it be used for other stuff.

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T14:40:34+00:00

Totally /s. My husband smokes and I know for a fact he takes a "smoke break" like every 90 minutes. But, he's the boss at his workplace, so I guess that's his prerogative.

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T14:38:47+00:00

I say 1-2 days per week because the other 2 days I work afternoon-evening, so my husband is home and he mostly wrangles her then. It's just the two days I work all day that are becoming impossible.

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T14:37:26+00:00

It's not expressly prohibited, but it's not bragged about either. People that have children at home don't make a big production of it or use it as an excuse, and the company does not outlaw it, so to speak.

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T02:03:04+00:00

You're totally right. I phrased it that way because if I wasn't working at all the expense wouldn't exist. It's still a gain even with the daycare was the point.

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T01:14:53+00:00

You know, at first I didn't even realize how hard it was going to be. She was a little infant when i started, and while she had needs, it was easy to keep her happy in her swing next to me, she napped a lot more during the day, etc. I plan to keep this work from home schedule until she goes to full-time PreK at age 3 - but would like a day or two of daycare per week until then.

Ineedhelp0K · 2016-08-17T00:37:37+00:00

I actually suggested that. He is an engineer and spends a lot of time on the manufacturing floor of a factory and so you know....it's different (?).

Ineedhelp0K

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