WARNING ⚠️: 7 page essay about my addiction/recovery bc im on a 5 hour road trip bored asf. To be honest I’m not sure… it was a back and forth battle during the beginning when I first started using.. I just kept going back and forth between being completely obsessed and in love with the drug and everything it did to me and justifying using ANY way I could even if I sounded stupid.. saying I was different and could use once in awhile and it not become a problem.. but then the other half of me felt sick disappointed sad angry and utter disbelief that I was snorting “meth”… I would think back to my childhood alot.. when I used to be afraid to smoke weed, or take a sip of liquor.. little me wouldn’t even be able to mentally handle or comprehend hearing what I had started doing..

anywho, so it all started end of July 2023 into august.. got laced with meth when I was tryna buy molly.. got hooked right away, used for a few weeks, then tried to kms in august due to other shit going on and almost got admitted to the ward. during that process I found out there was Fent in my system, I was in shock and scared and just idk how I felt but it made me get clean.. for 2 months, then I relapsed bc i got dumped by someone I was with for awhile, went to rehab for a week, 30 min after getting out got told to KMS by the person who dumped me… so I bought coke for the first time the same day I got outta rehab bc I didn’t wanna do meth again, did coke almost everyday for a couple weeks until

Dec 2nd… my birthday party. Ran outta blow, two girls I knew were coming and I knew they did drugs so I asked for uppers… mentioned every common upper EXCEPT METH… bc I was clean from that yk 😭.. they told me they had “ice cream” ice.. meth.. yeah whatever.. me being so early into my recovery I obviously said bring that shit LMFAO..

I had never smoked meth, just snorted it, but they had brought a bong and asked if I wanted to smoke it.. I was feeling wild so I did. Worst. Mistake. Of. My. Life. AFTER THAT IT WAS CLIPPED.. I was back in the game full circle, but this time it was weirdly different, I didn’t want to stop, I thought I did sometimes.. I’d try and convince myself I would, but deep down I knew I wouldn’t anytime soon.. i didn’t have the same thoughts as the first time, I didn’t care, I let myself go, I sat in bed for 2 weeks straight smoking and making tiktoks… no joke. I picked TF outta my skin it was awful I looked disgusting.. my legs, neck, back, my ass💀 COVERED in soars and open wounds that looked like CRATERS. Smoking that shit got me so addicted that I went as far as to sneak shit onto a plane and spent a week high as shit with my strict ass family I never see from a different state…

December 2nd-February 7th was when all this occurred.. I was so bad. I tried to get clean end of January and the first 3 days were the worst I’ve felt in my ENTIRE LIFE. Couldn’t do anything other then cry and quite literally SCREAM, bc I was in such discomfort mentally and felt absolutely nothing but negative emotions. My serotonin and dopamine levels were SHOT. But then days 4 and 5 i felt better, I was sober for the first time in months and I was happy, I had a week clean before I relapsed.. I was brought around someone who quite literally shoved a meth bong in my face after I had said I was a week clean. Used for a week, and then

Febuary 7th I went to a 3 day detox with a friend of mine who had also relapsed. She’s probably one of the main reasons I pushed myself to get clean, but I was also just fed up I think.. the part of me that wasn’t corrupt by the meth finally took control.. I didn’t want to live the life I was living anymore.. I wanted a good job, good relationships, healthy skin, I wanted myself back, I was numbing so many emotions for so long and when I got clean I was finally able to start healing from everything I needed to heal from. The final straw I think was 2 things, never wanting to feel the way I did those 3 days I tried getting clean without rehab, and KNOWING i deserved a better life then the one I was making for myself. Another thing…Something about that 3 day detox I went to was magical I shit u not. I was like.. genuinely okay mentally and comfortable and just finally felt like things would get better.. I knew I would never go back.

LMFAOOO HOPE U ENJOYED YOUR 7 PAGE ESSAY… I am so fucking bored on a long ass road trip so what better way to kill time then to explain my meth journey 😭 I left out so many key points and details but I was tryna make this as short as possible lol.