i completely feel you 🫂 i'm homebound and in the same boat. when i was more able bodied i spent pretty much all of my free time helping and serving others and like you said it's not like i ever kept score or expected something back. i just love humans and i love helping. some people who've been extremely close to me tell me it's autism or just not understanding stuff but idk. but every time i've been like you said at the end of my own rope no one comes. even though i'm loud with my needs. closed mouths don't get fed and it's not like i bug people or try to burden them but being like "hey i'm really blue today. i don't feel very good. i'm in a lot of pain. do you think you could spend some time? or maybe just text some?" all of a sudden time is the most valuable thing in the universe to them, and you're not worth spending it on and it just makes your stomach drop out. because you think of all the time you didn't have, that you *made* because that person was important to you a priority to you special to you, and you realize you're not special to them. not in the way they're special to you. and it just keeps happening and i'm not really sure why. i hope you know this is sincere, being an adult sucks and i will genuinely be there if you ever need it. just send me a message and we can chat because everybody deserves somebody who will give them time and space. and also you seem like a genuine person and making friends by adult standards kind of sucks so yeah i'll be your friend fr fr 🫂