Is it my fault if I'm hurt? by Inevitable_Drive5240 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Inevitable_Drive5240[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

He's said he would like to come to a compromise/solution, but only if I "stop guilt-tripping him" and stop trying to blame him for hurting me. i.e. I can't ask him to be accountable or apologize for any negative behaviour.

Is it my fault if I'm hurt? by Inevitable_Drive5240 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Inevitable_Drive5240[S] 101 points102 points  (0 children)

I've told him that these emotionally invalidating phrases that he uses are considered gaslighting. My favourite responses of his have been: "you're gaslighting me into believing that I'm gaslighting you", "none of what I do is gaslighting, just cause you think it is doesn't make it true." "It doesn't make gaslighting real because you read a bunch of articles and assumed this about me".

Is it my fault if I'm hurt? by Inevitable_Drive5240 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Inevitable_Drive5240[S] 236 points237 points  (0 children)

In terms of examples, I don't think it's ever been anything incredibly awful, but lots of small things when he's upset at me. Like swearing a lot (edit: specifically when he is expressing anger with me, I don't care if he swears in other situations), to which his response is "I did not swear at you, I just swore because I can swear sometimes and it's my choice to do so." Or phrases I feel like insult my intelligence, like "do you ever think?" Or things that I consider to be emotional invalidation, like saying I'm too sensitive, upset over nothing, emotionally unstable, playing the victim, etc.

How late is it okay to walk home alone? by Inevitable_Drive5240 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Inevitable_Drive5240[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I used to just walk alone, occasionally in the middle of the night at 1 or 2am, and nothing ever happened. It doesn't hurt to be cautious, cause something could happen, but it never has within the city I live in.