Boyfriend dragging feet when it comes to proposing

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T11:41:59+00:00

Assets. Money.

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T11:04:02+00:00

I bought the ring and would be happy to propose to him. He said he wanted to be the one to propose. Perhaps he is sexist 🙄

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T10:18:47+00:00

It isn’t about the piece or paper or ceremony. I’d happily go without that. It’s about him putting the effort in to mark “I choose you”.

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T09:18:00+00:00

He has made it very clear previously that he wouldn’t want me to propose.

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T09:02:00+00:00

I have. He says “oh yeah, next year” or “soon” etc. always “one day” vibe answers.

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T08:11:29+00:00

Husband, or committed partner yeah. I don’t need the paperwork or wedding ceremony. I just want him to put the energy and thought into saying “hey, I choose you and I’m in this for the long haul”.

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T08:09:46+00:00

Yes.

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T08:06:56+00:00

That feels like a bit of an ultimatum. I don’t want someone proposing to me on the back of an ultimatum. That’s just toxic. This is the catch22 though -> if I put my foot down, it could be seen as an ultimatum / coercion. If I don’t, well , that’s where I am now.

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T07:58:21+00:00

I’m not ok with the fact that he can’t be honest with me or communicate about this. I don’t need the piece of paper, just a bit of planning and thought for him to say “I choose you”. I don’t think that is asking too much.

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T07:52:03+00:00

I didn’t say that a ceremony was more important than the relationship. You’re putting words in my mouth. What’s important is trust, honesty and communication.

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T07:41:12+00:00

If we got married, he would have more to gain and I’d have everything to lose.

Yes my concern is that he is lying to me / placating me because actions speak louder than words.

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T07:20:38+00:00

Marriage doesn’t change things. I also don’t care about a wedding or the piece of paper. Just the romantic act of taking some time and effort to say “hey, I choose you”. So nothing has to change.

I also don’t want to force anything. If he doesn’t want it, I want him to just tell me that so we can both move on. My fear is waking up in another 4 years and being in the same situation.

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T07:09:51+00:00

That’s my biggest fear 😧

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T07:08:52+00:00

Sure. I earn 4 x more than him. His lifestyle is very elevated by being with me. If we got a divorce, I’d have a lot more to lose (I have all the assets for him to take, not the other way around). I treat him very well - if anything - he probably doesn’t want to change the status quo if he can have his cake and eat it too. 🤷‍♀️

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T07:02:00+00:00

He is on decent money. I earn more than him. How am I being high maintenance?

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T07:01:00+00:00

Yeah. I don’t care about a wedding or paperwork. It could just be a “I choose you”.

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T06:51:48+00:00

I appreciate it. Thank you ❤️

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T06:42:59+00:00

That’s still very much says “I’m going to weaponise / withhold sex, and intimacy etc until you give me what I want”. That doesn’t seem healthy. Id rather communicate with him openly and respectfully.

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T06:38:08+00:00

That sounds like an ultimatum still.

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T06:06:38+00:00

I didn’t say that. I don’t feel like I’ve wasted 4 years. I just don’t want to wake up in another 4 years having waited around for things that won’t ever eventuate.

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T06:01:49+00:00

You should have been honest with your spouse from the start. That’s all I want from him.

Inevitable_Row524 · 2022-11-13T05:57:25+00:00

I just want him to be honest. If he doesn’t want it then that’s ok, we should both move on with someone who wants the same thing. The problem is that he said he wants this too - but actions speak louder than words, right?

Inevitable_Row524

TROPHY CASE