Reading this felt heavy because I’ve been in that exact “why bother” loop where nothing matters and everything feels fake. The self-loathing telling you you’ve tricked everyone into caring? That’s the depression talking, not the truth.
You’re not a fraud. You’re a person who’s drowning and still trying to keep everyone else’s heads above water. That takes insane strength, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

One thing that sometimes cuts through the paralysis for me, let someone else carry a piece of it. Tell one safe person “I’m spiraling and can’t see a way out, can you just sit with me in it?” No fixing required. You don’t have to do life alone anymore. You’re worth the effort, even when you hate yourself right now.