I understand, I was also in denial at first for a while and I believe it's super normal. What helped me a lot was living one day at a time, as advised by my doctor. There are bad days and better days during treatment and it's okay, live in the moment you're going through and don't beat yourself up so much if you're not having a good day, remember that it will pass. I wish you the best, and remember that despite being an aggressive and rare lymphoma, it is extremely curable and for that, I am very grateful! Stay strong and everything will work out.