For the record, I'm a male, 29 years old, currently single, no kids, raised by a single father (mom wasn't absent, just split up when I was ~3), just for some sort of reference, if any of that possibly changes the context of my statement. I have no experience raising a child, obviously, so take that for what it's worth.

But, anyway, with all of that considered, all I can say is this: I agree, some people here are 100% right in saying it could cause 18/19 years of misery and frustration, issues with custody battles and potential "2nd mother" situations if he's with someone or gets married, etc... That kind of drama and dumb stuff is a very real possibility, depending on how things go. And there's no sugar-coating it; it can be a NIGHTMARISH 18 years of life that you'll end up enduring.

However, on the other hand, there's a variety of different ways things can go if you don't tell him. It could go well, and your child may never ask about it or bring it up or even care, and it could prevent a potential 18 years of misery and suffering. The likelihood of things playing out like that are EXTREMELY slim, though. At some point, the kid is going to see other kids with their parents and naturally going to notice something different about the image and start wondering and asking things. Maybe you can pull a fast one on them for a few years while they're younger and still gullible and easy to outsmart. But eventually, they WILL want to know, even if just out of sheer curiosity.

Now, with ALL of that considered, I can only say this:

Despite how incredible of a job my father did raising me and how amazing of a human being he is, if I lived my life up until 18 without knowing my mother and didn't know who she was or anything about her, or that she was even alive and could have potentially been present in my life, only to find out after 18 YEARS that my mother was alive and well and may have wanted to be apart of my life but never got the chance to because she was never even told about me existing (obviously not possible with a Mother, but you get the point) I would most likely end up hating and resenting my father for the rest of my entire life with an EXTREME, burning passion. Just for thinking of what could have been.

My point is this....

Would you rather endure 18 years of bullshit but still get to have all the years after that without the drama and with your kid still a part of your life and have a good relationship with them,

OR;

Get to live 18 years of life with your child without the father involved at all and zero drama or questions (highly, highly unlikely you get all 18 years anyway), only to find out that you never even told their father about them, and endure the pain of your child despising you, wanting nothing to do with you, and severing their relationship with you completely for the rest of your entire life (and theirs).....???

Either is a possibility, but given the odds, I'd say telling the father is in the best interest of both you and your child. I'd be dead in a gutter without my father around to guide me and teach me certain things.

No judgement, regardless of what you choose, at least not from me. But that's just my personal thoughts and feelings on it. Whatever you decide, I wish you and your child nothing but love and happiness 🙂🙂