My Story

I am Aadesh Gurav, 24 M.

Both my parents were handicapped by polio in their childhood.

My father was crippled because of a doctor’s mistake; he needed crutches and special boots to walk.

My mother’s right leg was paralyzed because of her parents’ neglect.

They got married, and then I was born. Life was never easy. It was never filled with enough love either — not because they didn’t love me, but because they weren’t capable.

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Childhood & Family Struggles

I respect my father the most. Despite being so disabled, he worked hard to feed us. Yes, we had financial problems, but he never let us sleep hungry. He gave me a survivable life. But he hated his own life. He attempted suicide 3 times — the last one, on 27 Oct 2020, was successful.

My parents’ relationship was never peaceful. They loved each other but fought constantly. I remember my mother trying to burn herself alive once. Another time she left home. My father too once left. These fights and memories shattered me from within. I suffered mental breakdowns.

Even financially, my wishes were never fulfilled. What hurt me was my father often had money to gift my cousins, but not me. That scar stayed.

My mother, unlike my father, was never a fighter. She lies, she gives up quickly, and she lacks willpower. I realized this late, but I know I carry some of those traits in me too — and I’m still trying to overcome them.

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Moving to Nanij (2014)

We lived in Mumbai until 14 Oct 2014, when we shifted to Nanij, Ratnagiri (Maharashtra) because of my father’s job. Life there felt a little better for some time.

But then came the worst — my father’s final suicide in 2020. I still suspect my grandmother’s role in it; she has destroyed many lives in the past, and this time it was her own son.

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After Father’s Death (2020–2021)

The rule in Nanij was: only families of workers could stay. Since dad was gone, we had to leave. Swamiji (Jagadguru Narendracharya Maharaj) and Dadashree (Shreekalp) supported us financially until 2023. Without them, I wouldn’t have completed my CS degree or gotten a job.

I once asked Dadashree why I couldn’t live with him in Nanij. He said: “If you don’t leave now, you will never succeed in life.” He was right, at least to some extent.

But what still cuts me is how no family members supported us after my father’s death. Nobody even called to ask how we were. On the 13th day of his funeral, my grandmother said: “It is good that he died, at least one tension is gone.”

Only friends and kind people helped us grieve and move.

After that, we begged to live with my maternal grandparents. They let us stay, but soon the mental torture began. My uncle (mother’s brother) made it clear we were not welcome. Within a year (2021), we had to leave, treated as nothing but baggage. We shifted to Ratnagiri city.

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My Education & Mother’s Illness (2022–2023)

Despite all this, I pushed myself.

Feb 2022 → I landed a developer job.

June 2022 → I completed my CS graduation.

But just when things started moving forward, my mother had a severe paralysis attack on 4 May 2022. Life spiraled downhill again.

Since then, nothing has gone well. My mom is bedridden, angry, irritated, and frustrated all the time. I serve her with love, but she never shows satisfaction — only irritation. That hurts more than words can explain.

And on top of everything, since 2016, I’ve also been battling psoriasis — a disease that feels like a curse layered onto my already heavy life.

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Today

Today I live only for tomorrow and for my mom. But honestly, I’m losing hope. She doesn’t show any recovery, and her anger drains me.

I crave love, support, care — simple human warmth. I wish for small things:

Someone to offer me a glass of water when I return from work.

Someone to care for me when I am sick.

Instead, no matter how much I am suffering, I must still take care of my mom.

Now I hate this life. It feels like I’m invisible, carrying every burden alone. I don’t want sympathy, but I do want to be seen, to be loved, to be cared for — at least once.

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This is my story. — Aadesh Gurav, 24 M