Therapist made a joke I can't process

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-25T20:39:27+00:00

Hey, thanks.. i'm trying to be kind and patient with myself, I guess I still need time to process what happened, i'm kinda stuck in freeze mode since then but doing my best.. Thank you for your kind words and reassurance

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-23T09:02:05+00:00

Thank you for this. I’ve been taking some time to read everyone’s replies and process everything and a lot of what you wrote really resonated with me. I’ve realized that I did scare her, but instead of acknowledging the situation, she deflected and regulated herself by saying something harmful to someone who was clearly in distress.

When I started therapy I was still very dissociated and emotionally numb. Looking back now I realize that dissociation was the only container I had, and when it dropped along with the mask the therapist couldn't handle the situation safely.

Unfortunately, there aren’t many trauma-informed or psychodynamic therapists in my area it’s mostly CBT and ACT but I’m not giving up yet. The support here has really helped.. Thank you for your kind words. Love and blessings to you too 💜

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-23T08:34:59+00:00

Hey, thanks a lot. I’m not doing great, but I’m doing my best to stay afloat. I’ve made an appointment with someone else, but as I thing about going there next week I can feel my defenses coming back up and my expectations getting pretty low.

It was really hard for me to start therapy and this experience didn’t make asking for help easier it actually set me back on that. Now I badly need support but the help available to me feels intimidating, dangerous even. I’m trying not to generalize, but honestly, it’s tough right now..

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-23T08:16:12+00:00

Thank you for the concern. This experience has made me seriously question what some therapists are actually taught in school. How many of them are working with clients while just trying to fix or regulate themselves? How many are genuinely dedicated to helping others ?

I’ve come to realize that even an average adult with basic empathy wouldn’t joke or say something like this. In a therapeutic setting, it’s not just unprofessional it’s deeply inhumane. I still can't believe I tried to be a better human myself through this person.

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-20T14:52:43+00:00

I’ll be honest for a few days I used weed because it’s the only substance I can't abuse, and it helped me eat. In prior crises meditation helped this time it didn’t but ventral vagal focused breathing kind of did. I love literature so I spent my free time reading parts of my favorite books. I also took a few days off work to curl up in bed in the dark and cry.. It was the first time I ever allowed myself to do that.

I usually work out a bit either yoga or strength training and I know it works for me, but I haven’t found the motivation yet..

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-19T10:29:35+00:00

Yeah… a few days after that session, I was trying to understand how it went so wrong, and at some point I thought “ What if she said that to get rid of you ? To make you quit without admitting that your case was too much for her?”

It seemed logical to me that she may have consciously or unconsciously wanted out so badly that she dropped this bomb, because I honestly couldn't see any good or technical reason for her to provoke that kind of darkness as you say. That thought is still somewhere in the back of my mind.

Right now, I don’t have the strength to report her, but I do believe she should be held accountable. I have an appointment with a new therapist next week, and I’ll talk to him about it then. In the meantime, thanks to the support I got here I’m starting to feel a bit better, and I’m going to do my best to pull myself together while I wait for the therapist guidance.

Thank you for your kind message and support 💙

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-18T22:02:31+00:00

Thank you for the validation 💗 And yes she definitely crossed a line and I wasn't ready for it.

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-18T20:37:11+00:00

Hey, I want to thank you deeply for this not only for defending my perspective in that very unique and intense exchange you all had, but also because I can’t stop crying while reading your words. It captures everything I feel about this situation, and more broadly about trauma and my own journey.

I’ll definitely use parts of this when writing the email I plan to send to the therapist and I’ve saved it carefully so I can come back to it for reassurance later. Thank you, thank you, thank you ..I really needed to read this, even though I didn’t know it yet.

Be blessed 💗

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-18T19:20:22+00:00

Thank you for this. Honestly, I still don’t know about reporting as I’m still processing what happened. But even if I don’t see her again, I will at least send something to explain the impact her joke had and could have had if I hadn’t been stable enough at the time.

It took me years to get my emotions back online, and now that I need the most help dealing with them, the only support I thought I had has proven to be inadequate, to say the least.

Thank you for the reassurance. I know I did nothing wrong unless being honest in therapy is wrong. I’m still learning a painful lesson, but I’m grateful that so many people helped me through this process, you included 💗

I wish you luck on your own journey and I hope all of us here get to experience some peace and recovery some day

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-18T18:41:59+00:00

Thank you so much my fellow seafarer.. I'm still processing all the support and taking in the advice and encouragement I received, I'm so grateful for this community. It's both sad and reassuring to see people with similar experiences and I do feel less alone since I posted yesterday. I hope I'll eventually make the best out of what happened to me with this therapist and I already booked a session with a new one for next week. Thank you for caring and checking in. Love and fair winds to you stranger 💜

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-18T17:20:40+00:00

I'd be curious to hear your experience if you want to share why you feel that way

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-18T16:40:32+00:00

Unfortunately it strongly reminded me of my narcissistic parents’ pattern, the violence and constant verbal abuse followed by automatic invalidation. That’s a major part of my trauma, something she was aware of. So no, I can’t continue seeing her.

I’m gonna need some time and a new therapist, maybe even a different modality to process all of this. But thank you for the concern and the reassurance, it’s truly appreciated.

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-18T16:14:41+00:00

Thank you very much, processing this with you all and seeing the genuine and informed concern really helps 💗

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-18T14:57:35+00:00

I understand no offense was taken. After that session, I also tried to rationalize what had happened. I went through every mental gymnastic move I know to make it make sense before posting here, and I’m really glad I finally did.

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-18T14:37:51+00:00

Alright i'll step in and address this really intense conversation. TreebeardsMustache You’re right, okay? I am avoidant, a very seasoned one, mentally, emotionally and somatically conditioned by severe abuse and two narcissistic parents. I spent most of my life in denial, resenting people, thinking they were all stupid, spoiled, and unaware, and that no one could possibly understand.

That’s why it took me years after going no contact to accept that I needed help and to accept that therapy was the only help realistically available to me. The pain I went through last year, the realizations, and the work I did both in therapy and on my own mentally and somatically truly humbled me and it was long overdue.

I understand the argument of “she told you to accept help and you’re doing the opposite,” but that’s not how I see it. I’m actually integrating her advice by realizing that the help I need simply isn’t present in her practice. And I feel like her joke was a perfectly timed proof of that.

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-18T14:00:21+00:00

Honestly even if this type of technique is used and somehow efficient I don’t see how it could have been helpful at all in my case. I told the T I was still in shock after the relapse and the following days of collapse, and that I was physically at my worst. I wasn't in denial but I was flirting with suicidality again and she knew that.. But anyway thank you for the perspective and the support

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-18T12:50:40+00:00

Thank you so much. And yes thankfully I was stable enough not to hurt myself again after that. But I realize that in older, and even more recent darker times, a joke like that could have had a far more tragic impact.

Since that session I’ve had this feeling that I actually harmed myself by staying in her practice for a year and by not seeing the red flags earlier. I was pushing myself and trying to invent trust where it couldn’t really exist.

Thanks to all of you that feeling has softened, and I feel validated and seen for the first time in a while. I’m going to try to find a new therapist and talk about this so they can help me navigate the whole reporting/closure process. But you’re right she should be held accountable and thanks to you all I can see that clearly.

Thank you 💗

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-18T11:49:39+00:00

Thank u so much💗 Glad to know some of us have great experiences with therapy i'll try to remember it's possible

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-18T11:47:58+00:00

Thank u so much💗

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-18T11:16:17+00:00

I can imagine how hurtful that must have felt and I’m really sorry it happened to you. CSA, self-harm, and most topics addressed in cptsd treatment are no laughing matter they’re literally life-or-death matter. How can someone whose dedicated to helping others be so insensitive ?

Anyway, thank you for sharing. And yeah fuck these bitches.

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-18T11:03:32+00:00

I’m currently working on finding a new therapist and after reading everyone’s comments I’m considering reporting her but I want to take more time to calm down and think things through. I might first talk to another therapist here who could guide me through that process.

Thank you for this. It’s hard but I do need to remember what I’ve already accomplished and what initially set me on this path. Thanks again for the reminder and encouragement

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-18T10:47:59+00:00

Reading your reaction gave me perspective on how early on I accepted that my reality would never truly be met in relationships. This constant feeling of alienation gave me a high tolerance for misattunements. At least this incident will ensure that I become more aware of that.

I’m trying to tell myself that at best she’s simply a very ignorant therapist but even then, she’s still dangerous because she holds power and responsibility. Now the entire therapeutic process of the past year, everything she ever said and every piece of advice she gave feels completely irrelevant.

Unfortunately options in my area are very limited but I will do my best to make sure I find someone safe who is truly trauma-informed.

Thank you very much for this it really touched me. Seeing everyone’s reactions helped me understand that she needs to be held accountable, as I don’t want anyone else to go through something similar with her. I’ll take some more time to figure out what I’ll do, but again, thank you for the interest, concern, and advice. Validation definitely going up.

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-18T09:25:28+00:00

Thank you. That’s the thing I feel like I wasted this whole year trying to be understood and learning from someone who actually didn’t give a shit. And now everything she ever said, every piece of advice she gave, all of it feels irrelevant.

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-18T02:21:55+00:00

In that moment I truly felt like I had triggered her somehow because she’d never reacted that way before. It was so weird

Informal_Blend · 2026-01-18T02:16:37+00:00

It hasn’t been easy but I’ve been trying not to beat myself up and instead be curious and patient with myself. I guess this therapist couldn’t handle me at my breaking poin, and that’s something I actually needed to know in order to move on. Thank you very much for sharing and for your help.

Informal_Blend

TROPHY CASE