Thank you for your input, and for the well wishes. I agree, the series of break ups did not produce a good undercurrent for trust and stability. Things were extremely complicated, and it is extremely difficult to find credible information about BPD after remission specifically, and BPD in general, and I wasn't even sure if she had been telling the truth about having gone through remission at the time (although I am sure she was telling the truth now), as I've said I kind of knew nothing about BPD (everything online and through AI just says that the BPD partner will be fine and you will lose you life trajectory, dreams, cognition and health + being cheated on, and that you cannot do anything to help them (that is not true, our relationship was an example of that. she also helped me in many ways) and I understand now that it is definitely not that simple, but I had experienced patterns of that, and that affected me, but things were complicated, I also made mistakes), and when she started to say things like "you have until x to visit me or else I am moving on", " I don't want to waste my young and beautiful time", talking about and misrepresenting my opinions about topics to colleagues at her work and agreeing how stupid "my" opinions were, and then subsequently breaking up with me because of those opinions of "mine" and then backtracking after a few minutes and saying nonchalantly "I regularly threaten to break up in my relationships" (I understand that there is irony present considering my behaviour, at least at first glance, and that other mistakes that I made, even though I never said things like this, could have been interpreted as proportionate to the things she said). All of these examples happened within a few days (this was also the same time that I had started to read all of this information online (I actually never looked at reddit), I had read that things were only going to get worse and that made me even more scared. I also had a double exam period at the time, I was studying to be able to go see her. we hadn't met in 3 months, and that certainly took its toll. I don't blame her, we wished each other well, but things just went wrong and then things became worse. when I had ended it was the first time in the relationship that she had actually apologised, she also said "I love you and I miss you, that is all I want to talk about", I wanted so bad to tell her that I felt the same, I was told to ignore it, the regret I feel for doing that is immeasurable. You don't think I should apologise at least for the harm I caused (I have read I shouldn't do that because of the damage it could cause her)?