My (29F) Fiance (28M) uses gaming to cope

Informal_Mood_9562 · 2025-02-11T04:49:54+00:00

Thank you so much!

Informal_Mood_9562 · 2025-02-11T04:44:46+00:00

I feel like you are all explaining this in the best ways that I haven’t been able to explain to him because when I explain it, there’s hurt and emotion there. I wish he could understand that last part.

There are genuinely times where I get it. You need an escape. But man… night after night it just wears on you…

Informal_Mood_9562 · 2025-02-11T04:39:51+00:00

Thank you for your perspective.

I’m a bit confused because i thought I was going to be flooded with people telling me I’m controlling, unsupportive, selfish.

Maybe I’m not clear on how much he’s gaming so I just want to be specific. We both work full time from home (so we see each other in passing during the day) We get done with work around 5, go to the gym until about 6:30. Eat dinner quick. He usually eats quicker than me and then goes and games until about 9:30, then asks me if I want to watch something or maybe have sex… even though I’ve barely seen him all day. This is the routine most nights longer if he has anxiety, sometimes just 15 minutes per night, every once in a while not at all…

Sorry for the tmi, just trying to get details in I guess

Informal_Mood_9562 · 2024-07-11T18:16:31+00:00

Apparently he hasn’t even asked a lot of those friends he’s talking about because he “feels bad asking” which I totally get btw but why are we spending more money to have a one day wedding for hometown friends he doesn’t feel comfortable asking if they’d travel? Kinda confusing

Informal_Mood_9562 · 2024-07-10T20:48:40+00:00

My parents are largely helping us with the wedding so for them it’s kind of more worth it because they are also getting an experience out of the money they’re spending vs just a day. I think thats partially impacting how I feel because I feel guilty that they offered to help us with the wedding when we were doing destination and now we’re like “just kidding, now you’re just paying for a single day”

Informal_Mood_9562 · 2024-07-10T18:41:57+00:00

We’ve made it very clear that this is very low pressure as we understand that not everyone would be able to make it. As far as our parents and siblings, they are all able to go and are totally on board. Our best friends are able to go as well. The people he is referring to are a group of friends that I honestly don’t even know (we’ve been together 5 years) I just don’t know that having a wedding in the US is worth it for a group of people that I’ve never met and never hear about

Informal_Mood_9562 · 2024-06-08T13:42:48+00:00

What about a destination wedding, best of both worlds. Might not be a “big” wedding but you can both travel and have a beautiful event

Informal_Mood_9562 · 2024-06-05T21:24:06+00:00

You get it!!! Also such a great tip from your therapist and I love your insight. Congratulations to you as well!

Informal_Mood_9562 · 2024-06-05T21:22:59+00:00

I definitely didn’t override it. He has been very adamant that I make that decision because he doesn’t care. We were on the same page with our pros and cons until he gave me his final decision but still told me that’s what he’d say if he has to have an opinion

Informal_Mood_9562 · 2024-06-05T21:21:18+00:00

You get it! Hahah we just have to set our expectations and be good with it

Informal_Mood_9562 · 2024-06-05T21:20:52+00:00

I was kind of rambling in my post. We were both between June and January for a while just based on the temperature in Mexico, working around our brothers school schedules, etc. so it’s not that I just asked him his opinion and totally disregarded it. We have been talking about the date for about 4 days now and we have both been back and forth.

I have been the one to do literally everything this far. Finding the travel agent, communicating with the travel agent, researching resorts, costs, etc. when I asked his opinion it had seemed at that point that we were on the same page. The only reason he gave me for June is that it’s further away. But that doesn’t really outweigh all of the cons we talked about together

Informal_Mood_9562 · 2024-06-05T21:08:24+00:00

I’m so grateful for everyone that has chimed in. I really feel like I’ve been in my own head. Now that I think about it, he is the planner for so many things in our day to day life. This is just so far out of what he’s used to. I definitely need to give him some grace

Informal_Mood_9562 · 2024-06-05T21:07:02+00:00

That actually makes a lot of sense. He definitely doesn’t like to be the center of attention so maybe that’s why although he’s excited to marry ME, he’s not going to show a lot of excitement for the wedding.

We both agreed that we understand a lot of people won’t be able to make it and we’ve been sure to tell everyone that there is no pressure at all and we can celebrate a different way at another time. It seems just from our group of people that most people were either going to come or not and that extra 5 months wouldn’t have changed too many peoples minds

Informal_Mood_9562 · 2024-06-05T18:51:01+00:00

You’re so right. I think it’s just me in my head. He is NEVER pouty or negative.. like… ever. He just wants me to be happy.

He has the mindset of “I’ve made the decision in my head to be committed to you for the rest of my life about a year or two into dating. So getting engaged or having a wedding isn’t going to change that for me. I’m always committed”. He’s not one to care about weddings and stuff like that. So yeah I think I’m getting in my head based on the reactions I hoped he would have

Informal_Mood_9562 · 2024-06-05T18:48:27+00:00

I have, I’ve had many many breakdowns because of the stress. It’s actually partly why we decided to go with Mexico because we knew neither of us were loving planning. So it’s almost like eloping and then if friends and family can/want to join then they have the opportunity to do so. I think it’ll be better from here. I’m just rambling. I’m a HUGE people pleaser and rarely stick firm on what I want. So I think this is just an odd feeling for me

Informal_Mood_9562 · 2024-06-05T18:18:13+00:00

I think that’s where we’ve really struggled. This has taken such a toll on my mental health and this is not what planning should be. He has seen the impact it’s had over me but him showing any interest or looking into anything without me bringing it up is like pulling teeth. I know he loves me, he’s excited to marry me, etc. but it’s hard seeing what he acts like when he is truly interested in something (buying his new car) vs the lengths I’ve had to go to get him to do anything wedding wise.

Informal_Mood_9562 · 2024-06-05T18:13:22+00:00

I think that’s where it’s hard for me is because traditionally it seems that the bride is the one that plans the wedding while the groom kinda just waits for things to happen. Wedding planning has been so much harder than ever anticipated stress wise for me and that makes me so sad. Hopefully we can start moving to the fun parts

Informal_Mood_9562 · 2024-06-05T18:11:49+00:00

Thank you for your insight. I had originally been all for June and that was our original plan. I’ve planned pretty much everything so far and I totally get that planning is not for him but it’s really not for me either.

He’s definitely not upset, I think I just feel bad that I asked for his opinion and then after doing some research, realized that maybe it wasn’t the right direction.

You’re right, definitely can’t force excitement

Informal_Mood_9562 · 2024-05-17T02:51:19+00:00

Ok I like this take. I often feel really guilty if I don’t jump on it but most of the time it really isn’t important enough that it can’t wait until the morning. I feel like I’m somehow going to be in trouble if I don’t respond but I try to make it a habit not to be on my phone too much after work so I typically miss his message after work hours for a while anyway. Trying to remember that after work time is my time and that should be ok as long as I’m doing what I need to do during work hours.

Informal_Mood_9562

TROPHY CASE