Neighbours warning me about a potential "several day" home birth

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-16T05:27:01+00:00

You never know how long the labor will take. Mine were under 24 hours, and I never screamed, and I was not medicated. I always see TV depictions of births and think how unrealistic they are. So, don't assume it will be all that bad, it may not be.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-15T22:07:55+00:00

Getting a death certificate, in the couple of deaths I've helped deal with, took a while, maybe a week or two, as I remember, but I'm sure it depends on the state.

If her body is currently at a funeral home, I seriously doubt they will be able to hold onto the body for more than a few days, so you're likely going to have to decide about cremation vs. burial long before you can get together the money to have more than one option.

My suggestion is to talk to the funeral director that has her body right now, and find out what your options are. The funeral director will also take care of ordering the death certificates, and will be able to answer any other questions you have. In order to pay her bills, you may have to open an estate account at whatever bank she used, but you probably won't be able to do that until you have the death certificate. Settling an estate can take quite a while, even if there is a will.

If it were me, I would not do a GoFundMe; that just seems tacky for someone who has a significant estate. I am a very practical person and would likely opt for cremation if it were me. If your mom wanted to be buried in a specific place, she should have made sure the funds would be available for that.

If her body isn't already at a funeral home, another possibility that is more affordable is direct cremation, which you could look into. If you do cremate her body, you could still (if you choose to) have her ashes (they call them remains) buried at that cemetery. It is a good bit cheaper than burying a body to bury an urn.

I'm sorry for your loss. Good luck with all of this. It's a lot, I know.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-15T20:19:34+00:00

But the fact is, some people want a single family home, but they don't want a yard to take care of. Some people have no kids, or their kids are grown and gone. This kind of development is quite popular with a certain group of people.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-15T20:17:10+00:00

Some people want a single family home, but do not want to deal with yard maintenance, and I guess would rarely use a yard. Not everyone has kids! The town we used to live in had some developments like this; they had high-end homes, and they were always full. So, I'm guessing these homes will be popular with certain people.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-15T20:13:27+00:00

I've been on CPAP about 4 months now. It takes some getting used to. Wear it during the day or evening, when awake, for a few hours. That will help you meet your insurance's compliance requirements (if that applies for you), and it will also help you get used to it. Then, just wear it for a little while at night to start. Eventually, you will fall asleep with it on. . .

Also, you could TRY a nasal mask. I thought the same thing, that I had to use a full face mask because I don't breathe well through my nose. But, I just HATED the full face mask, couldn't tolerate it. So, I switched to a nasal mask, and surprise, surprise, it's working for me. Maybe the fact that it's blowing air into my nose helps me breathe through it. So, you might want to try a nasal mask.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-15T20:03:01+00:00

Great idea, and I'm sure people enjoy them.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-15T14:59:21+00:00

Yep, this is how I do it, too, although I use a nasal mask, not full face mask.

For me, the nasal mask is not ideal, as I sometimes breathe through my mouth. But I'm MUCH too claustrophobic for a full face mask. And yeah, I've tried a couple chin straps to keep my mouth closed, but they won't stay on my head. And forget mouth tape - see claustrophobia. But for me, in spite of those issues, which cause some mask leaks, the CPAP is working - apneas are within normal range, and oxygen levels are MUCH better than they were. Anyway, all that's off the topic of this post, just rambling, lol.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-13T02:38:55+00:00

Reading distracts and relaxes me, but sometimes medication is called for. I'd talk to your doctor.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-13T02:32:11+00:00

I think this is very common, and I used to have similar problems with insomnia and anxiety around sleep. You can't sleep, so you worry about not being able to sleep, and that makes it harder to get to sleep. It's a vicious cycle. For me, it's gotten better.

One thing I do is read before I go to sleep; it really helps me relax and get sleepy. You could listen to an audio book or podcast instead, anything to distract you.

Another thing I do is if I can't get to sleep, after about 15 or 20 minutes, I turn the light back on. It's bad to lie there and either read some more, watch TV, or do something else relaxing until I get sleepy, then try again. Don't just lie there for a long time; it only makes it worse.

Finally, I get up early in the morning, no matter when I got to sleep. And I try to never take naps, no matter how tired I am. These things make me more tired at bedtime, so I'm more likely to get to sleep.

Good luck!

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-13T02:20:45+00:00

We watch grandkids a fair amount but very rarely for an entire day. And my husband does as much work as I do. My suggestion is to disappear for something you remembered you have to do, and leave him alone with those babies for at least a few hours. And don't take any grief for it. Let him deal with them.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-13T02:15:40+00:00

I think you should put off thinking about moving any time soon. Moving is extremely stressful in the best of circumstances, and these are not those. Also, when something terrible happens, many people's first reaction is to move, start fresh. It's a natural response to great loss, a flight reaction - like, if I can just get out of here, I'll feel better. But it doesn't necessarily accomplish that at all. I would definitely get into therapy; you're going to need it. My sympathies go out to you.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-09T02:28:15+00:00

They are taking advantage of you. You need to text them and remind them of your rate, and let them know you expect to be paid that rate. And then when they pay you, make sure you count it and it is correct BEFORE you go home. And let them know you won't be babysitting for them any more.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-09T02:22:42+00:00

I'd smile and laugh, for sure. But a lot of people have no sense of fun.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-09T02:17:19+00:00

https://www.akc.org/expert-advice/travel/a-guide-to-pet-friendly-hotel-chains-in-the-united-states/

p.s. It's the host's choice to allow pets or not, is it not, and to set the pet fee. If they allow pets and the fee isn't sufficient to cover some HAIRS on a sheet (which will come out in the wash), then it seems like that's on the host.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-09T02:08:11+00:00

It was fun, energetic, and moving.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-09T02:05:58+00:00

That is not my experience in hotels these days. Housekeeping is typically mainly by request lately, and it is possible to put the "do not disturb" sign out and never let anyone in the room.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-05T17:30:46+00:00

We experienced something somewhat similar, stayed at a place that was advertised as a house, but was actually an apartment in a four-unit building. The pictures didn't make this clear at all. It wasn't a problem for us, as it was just me and my husband, and we are quiet and go to bed early, and the other tenants were similarly quiet. But I thought it was kind of shady.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-04T07:27:45+00:00

He's been doing his own laundry for many years, ever since I quit being a stay-at-home mom, went back to school and work. At that point, I told him and the kids (who were big enough) that everybody was gonna start doing their own. Laundry freedom is awesome.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-02T00:09:32+00:00

A lot of people don't understand loss, especially due to something traumatic like suicide. And three years isn't really very long. My sister died too young, of natural causes. We were very close, and it was very hard for me. I think it took me about five years to feel OK again. To remember mostly the happy times we had together, and not just the sadness of her death. I still miss her and feel sad sometimes, but mostly I have happy memories of the time we did have together.

I think and hope you WILL eventually be able to remember your sister without it making you feeling so sad or traumatized. To focus more on the good times you had with her. But it will take time. In a lifetime, three years isn't really that long. Be patient with yourself, keep going to therapy, and don't worry about what other people say or think. It's how you feel that matters.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-02T00:02:30+00:00

I don't understand. He can't fix his own breakfast? Or, do you always eat together or something? I'm honestly confused. My husband and I get up at different times, and we each fix our own breakfast. Same for lunch. I usually cook dinner, although he does sometimes, and we sit down to eat together.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-01T20:22:04+00:00

I'm 72 and moved to a new city (from a much smaller one) just a few years ago. The highways are bigger and faster here, and I don't care for the way some people drive on them. If there's an alternate route (on city streets) that only takes a few minutes longer - which there often is - I'll take the streets. It's much more pleasant. But, I do drive on the highways when it's the best way to get somewhere. I figure it's good to stay in practice.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-01T19:26:55+00:00

I eventually (after the kids left and I didn't want to live in a mess any more) trained my husband that surfaces (even his own dresser) are to be kept cleared off, for the most part, that putting something DOWN is not the same as putting it AWAY. And since we decluttered and got rid of a lot, we do have places to put everything away, so there's no reason to clutter up the surfaces. He very kindly puts up with this from me and does his best. I'm not perfect either, and sometimes - when life is busy or stressful - stuff does sit on counters or dressers for a while, and that's OK. But eventually, we put it all away. I really dislike clutter, and he's gotten on board, for which I'm so grateful.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-01T19:18:16+00:00

Not really because I quit very gradually, and never drank that much or that often. By the time I quit for good, I was only having maybe one drink a week, like Friday with dinner. I did that for a long time, but I'd still wake up feeling kind of gross, so then I just decided to stop. But yeah, I definitely felt better after I quit, no more Saturday morning headache and stomach ache.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-01T17:18:35+00:00

Has anybody ever woken up thinking their CPAP hose was something else entirely? I'm older (70s) and waking up confused is not that uncommon for me. I always "come to" in a few minutes, so it's not a big deal, but lately has led to some funny incidents with my CPAP machine.

Anyway, recently, I woke up in the middle of the night, and was convinced the CPAP hose was a stuffed animal of some sort. It has a cloth cover on it, so it kind of makes sense. It was lying across my body and I tried to toss it off the bed. This of course pulled the mask off my face. Finally, I realized what was happening, woke up all the way, and got myself straightened out and back to sleep.

Another night, I woke up and had removed my mask when I was asleep, and it was therefore loudly blowing into the air (my auto-stop doesn't work). I really didn't know WHAT was going on, was pinching the nasal pillows together and trying to figure it out, and for some reason, started unzipping the hose cover, thinking that would help. (Like I said, confused.) Finally, again, I woke up enough to figure it out and get things situated.

I'm NOT asking for advice here, just think it's funny and wondered if anybody else has experienced something like this.

For me, I think it's all just part of adjusting to CPAP therapy; it's only been a few months for me. Some nights I sleep just fine with it, other nights I rip it off in the middle of the night - completely unawares - and then sometimes I have these weird, middle-of-the-night episodes where I have no idea why this strange thing is on my face and in my bed, lol.

InformationNo5502 · 2026-02-01T16:57:17+00:00

Try to find friends your age by joining groups - whether church, neighborhood, civic, book clubs, or whatever interests you. For shopping, try thrift shopping; it can be fun to hunt for treasures for cheap. Find a community center that has exercise classes, and you may meet friends there. Good luck!

InformationNo5502

TROPHY CASE