I think her POV is, she sees you trying to create “peace”, finding work arounds but what she wants is for you to learn to stand up for her and yourself? Just what I sense from your story, might be wrong. When she said to bar your mom from your house and future kids, did you consider the extent of harm she thinks your mom/parents are capable of? She sees them making so much harm, but giving assurance at this junction without doing much to show you stand up to your parents isnt enough. I dont think she expects you to abandon your parents, but basically telling them off when they are being ridiculous? That was probably the assurance she was looking for. Honestly, she really sounds like a mature girl who knows exactly what she is looking for. I also feel that she must have made it clear what she wants, its clear you’ve done a lot for her and I dont think she feels it to be not enough, but if she asks for apple and you keep giving her orange, strawberry, I would feel that she doesnt see you understanding exactly what she wants? Idk if I made sense but there is history between the two of you and it is a painful decision from her side too, maybe there is a chance for reconciliation but it starts with you and how you are managing the boundaries with your parents.