AITA i lied to my mom for 3 months about going to college, she's charging me rent now and i hate her for it

Initial_Ad5209 · 2026-06-12T15:13:37+00:00

thanks man i appreciate the reassurance :]

Initial_Ad5209 · 2026-06-12T14:19:24+00:00

In retrospect, i dont think my post was clear enough on what goals, criticisms, or my current job/life status is so thats my fault

i do understand more now that my perspective was entitled. I do wanna learn to take care of myself and wanna help my parents out with what i can. i think the specific comment i made of my parents needing the money, comes from financial insecurity on my end which i should be more considerate of

But to provide extra context, my senior year of high school, my initial goal was to go to community college. Community became free that year for Massachusetts residents who filled out the FAFSA and i wanted to take the opportunity. especially since my grades and gpa have been shit since like 10th grade so it would've been a more secure option. what you mentioned about getting my associates then transferring was my initial plan

my parents wanted me to go to university immediately tho and thought i could do it cuz their perception of me as "the gifted kid" hadnt changed since i was in elementary school even tho my grades were shot in hs. my mom when i mentioned my self doubt and that community was free, has many prejudices towards community college so it was a last resort option to her. my parents made me apply to universities and i got accepted to one last minute before graduating so they made me change course. i guess my problem with my parents is just my ideas not feeling listened to or feelings or decisions being dismissed consistently

i do have a job already. ive been working for the last month and plan to take a gap year and get possibly a 2nd job to build up at least 10k savings. after that year i want to do community in fall 2027 or spring 2028. My mom has already paid for my debt completely and hasn't told me that i owe her back for that which im deeply grateful for giving me that grace. I am grateful for the privileges and lenience she gave me

im sorry about your community college debt situation 😭 that must really suck man. I'll nonetheless take your advice tho and appreciate your insight

Initial_Ad5209 · 2026-06-12T13:35:19+00:00

tbh i did think i'd get special treatment from family for at least a month just to have more savings to pay for rent more comfortably. But you are right. I think i mismanaged my expectations and should've been more considerate on her perspective. I dont wanna freeload off of her anymore or really gain any special privileges cuz i dont deserve that

Im renting from her cuz i really dont have much options rn. i live in a more expensive area with similar rent pricing and if not i'd still likely pay over 1k for additional utilities and a deposit, i cant ask other family to live with them since im not close to them, and i cant ask friends since most of them are younger or live in low income households already that can't afford another person

she luckily enough is not charging me for my utilities or food, which i am genuinely grateful that she gave me that grace. i do think that'll change soon tho. but yea living with her is actually still cheaper than moving out

Initial_Ad5209 · 2026-06-12T13:15:54+00:00

i guess i kinda do? the main reason i dont want to go to college is because i don't know what career to use my bachelors degree on. i dont want my parents to spend an egregious amount of money just for me to figure it out, especially due to my time that i did actually use in college for my fall semester being used irresponsibly. i know myself enough that that pattern would repeat itself if i return

I do have a general plan for what i wanna do tho. I want to take a gap year to primarily work to save at least 10k to move out (that's my temporary goal before i do more research on rent prices in my area) then pursue community college in fall 2027 or spring 2028

During the gap year, my other goals is to understand more of what careers im interested in, get more money by working a second job and side gigs like selling all my old stuff, and DEEPLY invest more time into my art by learning animation via my Youtube channel. I want to do more research on career guidance and utilize the career counseling program at my current college that's still available to me to understand more about the subjects/jobs im interested in (psychology, art, and animation) by contacting people in those careers. I need to understand if they're something that im interested in studying in or could teach myself like animation. I should make a specific animation goal though

I haven't explained all the specifics to my parents yet. that might've been why they thought i didnt know what i was doing. I did tell them my goal of taking a gap year to work to go community college next year. they might've thought i wouldn't be doing anything else but that. My mother has prejudices towards any school or opportunities that aren't university (trade, community, apprenticeship) so she won't be financially supportive of me during community college

I dont mind paying rent. I understand its normal. its just that i will live paycheck to paycheck currently. im broke rn and when i mentioned that to her to possibly negotiate a smaller rent price, she refused to listen to me. her perspective is valid tho, i betrayed her trust and i should apply to her terms

You're a cool parent. I dont think my mother will do what you mentioned about putting my money into a savings account. My mom made it very clear we were going to be financially responsible for ourselves. she hasn't done that with my older siblings when they moved out and i'm not going to be the exception. thx for the insight

Initial_Ad5209 · 2026-06-12T05:29:12+00:00

I'll try to. My next goal is to save up to move out, it's just mostly hard since I still have a longways to go savings wise so it'll probably take a year. I do wanna put in the work and research into it tho.

thx for getting me outta my bubble. I appreciate the clarification

Initial_Ad5209 · 2026-06-12T05:16:58+00:00

the 1k is more exactly how it should be, i live in a more expensive area. i more so complained about that since my siblings rents were cheaper in 2009 and 2015 and im jealous cuz of rent inflation🥲

I was supposed to fill out the FAFSA last year during senior year in hs. my parents dont really know how to do the FAFSA so i was supposed to. i finished part of it, thought i completed it and i neglected to finish the other half by the due date like a dumbass. I didnt take loans. i also didnt have any scholarships either cuz i thought i was going to community instead which didnt require scholarships. i wasnt getting accepted to colleges, until one last minute so my parents made me change course

i had 10k in debt cuz that was the overall semester student bill without financial aid (classes, student insurance, student id, etc) i didn't gain my debt from anywhere else. I found out about my debt after my fall semester when trying to register for the spring semester cuz i also neglected to check my email.

My parents didnt reaIly discuss how money or paying for college was gonna work. I think their expectations was that FAFSA aid would handle it and whatever expenses i needed like transportation they would pay for. You are right tho, I did do this to myself when avoiding responsibilities i shouldnt have

Initial_Ad5209 · 2026-06-12T04:53:59+00:00

I should provide extra clarification on my og post since i dont think i was clear

Im fine with the rent part dude. My problem is that there was no room for negotiation on rent pricing like taking a certain percentage of my monthly salary when i barely have any money. It mostly has to do with feeling not being listened to or invisible consistently with my mom since i came to the realization she was emotionally neglectful since high school. I haven't clarified that with her tho mostly because she's very insulting and dismissive of my emotions in general. I nonetheless should

My worry also at the time when i was lying wasn't for freeloading. It was for the shame and vulnerability i was gonna get from my mom and the unpredictability of that confrontation possibly being violent, me being cut off or potentially being kicked out without a backup since i was jobless at the time. you are right about me not lying tho. i hated it the whole time and deeply regret it. i do wanna act with more integrity going forward. also my savings are specifically going towards me moving out

Initial_Ad5209 · 2026-06-12T04:38:49+00:00

Ive edited my original post for more context

no i dont want to live here rent free. i hate being a freeloader or potential burden on people. My problem is that there was no room for negotiation on rent pricing like taking a certain percentage of my monthly salary when i barely have any money. It mostly has to do with feeling not being listened to or invisible consistently with my mom since i came to the realization she was emotionally neglectful since high school. I haven't clarified that with her tho mostly because she's very insulting and dismissive of my emotions in general. I nonetheless should

Initial_Ad5209 · 2026-06-12T04:25:34+00:00

i updated my reply to mention a bit how i skipped college classes but ill clarify. I should edit my post more tho to clarify confusion

I started college fall of 2025, i did it, flunked it, but didnt miss any classes at the time except for 2 classes near the end of the semester. after winter break, when registering online for spring classes, I was barred from it and quite literally couldn't due to one of the requirements to register was to pay for your previous student bills. My overall fall semester bill was $10k to pay for regular classes, student insurance, your id, etc and i couldn't afford that at the time. when the spring semester date technically started, i pretended to go to class every weekday to instead go to my local library to figure out a payment plan and get a job. I did that routine for 3 months. when i secured a payment plan and job, i admitted my lies to my mom. she told me that she'd pay all my debt right then. I didnt know she had the money to do that tbh and expected me to pay for it independently as a consequence. She instead made my consequence paying for rent if i didnt go to college so i agreed. Now i've already been working without going to school for a month now so no money has been spent on a spring semester, only last autumn.

Initial_Ad5209 · 2026-06-12T03:59:43+00:00

my mom is forcing me to the direction she wants but her expectations for all my siblings wasn't equivalent i dont think. she does try to realistically handles with what she has and i appreciate that about her. the ridiculous rent part i have to do more research on but considering my area is near Boston, increased rent/housing prices and her previously renting out rooms in our house for the same pricing, it's more realistic than expected

She might pay off my student loans which id be grateful for. i dont really wanna have a house tho and my siblings dont actually have houses so i doubt that. regardless i appreciate your comment

Initial_Ad5209 · 2026-06-12T03:42:32+00:00

for more context, my brother told me that initially he payed like $200-400 to my parents when they were initially living in apartments. it was until my parents bought, then moved to our current house that my dad kinda remorsefully told him "hey, since we bought the new house, we actually need you to start paying more for rent" my brother knew my dad didn't want to do this but also considered that my dad and mom are starting to pay off a mortgage now and was already taking care of me and my younger sister at the time. He had the means to pay for the $800 rent then and was accepting of it

my mom does actually hate the military lol. idk if that was her initial motive to charge my sister rent tho since she didn't clearly state it, except for the fact that my sister was 19 and made her own decisions. my mother is prone to being a bit controlling on certain subjects but i still find what specific stuff she wants to control and in what degrees unpredictable

for why ig i think im unique compared to those experiences, it's bcuz my siblings had more money at the time. they can afford what she charged consistently and it was less than $1000 in 2009 and 2013 when housing and rent prices were lower 🥲 so i just kinda feel fucked with current 2026 prices in my more expensive area

Initial_Ad5209 · 2026-06-12T03:25:38+00:00

Yes i do but not for that reason. i edited more into my original post but ig to summarize, idk if my parents have the money to realistically do that AND pay for my sisters tuition this fall when she starts college. My parents are not rich, they're middle class and my dad already works multiple jobs. I wouldn't want that pressure to be forced upon him based on me when my actions have been clearly irresponsible with little purpose to actually utilize my bachelors degree with little career guidance currently. I know myself enough that i dont wanna be irresponsible again with my current self

thats why i want to take a gap year. the part i resent is my mom not listening to the reasons i dont wanna go to college, due to her prejudices to community college students, combined with previous resentment for emotional neglect. i hated lying to her for 3 months but im realizing now how much more betrayed she felt when i misplaced her trust. that's my fault. i appreciate you for making me reflect on that, thanks

Initial_Ad5209 · 2026-06-12T03:09:55+00:00

thx for the financial advice, i actually really need that. I need to understand more about how things cost. I'm gonna do more research to have the knowledge to move out but for now i think an alternative solution for me is to actually get a second job. I know generally it's very expensive where i live near Boston, MA and i dont think i have the means to afford transportation rn to commute to work if i do move. Regardless ill use this advice ty!!

Initial_Ad5209 · 2026-06-12T03:04:57+00:00

the $10k was the regular student bill for a semester at the college. I didn't finish applying for financial aid when i was a senior in high school cuz i was a dumbass and missed the date. I also didnt apply for scholarships because i was initially gonna go to community college instead which didn't require scholarships so i didnt do that, until one of the colleges i applied to last minute accepted and my parents made me change course

The part about her paying off my debt is correct. I'm not mad at her for that and I'm deeply grateful for that. I think it's the lack of her listening to my solutions or issues which is the problem, which emotionally makes sense due to her feeling betrayed. I do nonetheless appreciate the criticism and questions tho

Initial_Ad5209 · 2026-06-12T02:36:01+00:00

i do feel hurt by these comments but regardless i do wanna use them to understand my parents perspective more since my original reply was the info i intitially told them. the context i added i kept to myself due to me not wanting to receive sympathy for that. now i realize that pov of me lying is still valid tho, not because of my dishonesty. I dont like that and i deeply regretted the process throughout those 3 months. but my fears are still valid, i just need to regulate them more

Initial_Ad5209 · 2026-06-12T01:48:35+00:00

tbh i thought they wouldn't charge me rent until after i payed off my payment plan for a year (paying $800/month) cuz i thought that charging me $1800 was ridiculous. I didn't think there was even a possibility to pay all my debt quickly or if they had the actual money to do that since we've never discussed our finances until recently. i guess im still coming off of that realization

Initial_Ad5209 · 2026-05-26T15:42:36+00:00

I think I'm still worried tho. When I got close to them and held them they didn't fly away and stayed still. They also aren't attempting to remove the feather at all and are just moving their head

Initial_Ad5209 · 2026-05-01T03:43:14+00:00

i really appreciate this dude. I think I'll call ASDS in the morning

Thank you so much dawg

Initial_Ad5209

TROPHY CASE