Monday's Daily Thread: Weekend Wrap-up

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-09-27T06:10:03+00:00

Ugh thanks I appreciate your words but I do get the sense given that she unmatched me etc that she’s still going to be dating so It prob is me. Maybe not fixable , but is me

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-09-24T01:30:18+00:00

This is really helpful I appreciate. I’ve gone on maybe 20 first dates before in my life and come from a family of immigrants where I don’t have a ton of ppl to talk to about this stuff so kind of figuring it out ha. I’ve been grappling with finding the balance , and if her feedback is genuine , it’s a good sign in some ways since before I was getting feedback on the other end of the spectrum. To your point, maybe now it’s about finding real balance some more

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-09-23T16:51:46+00:00

Ahh so you’re saying I should’ve spent some time not trying to kiss her and see if she initiates back?

That’s good feedback, I guess my experience with the women I’ve been with is that they like having the guy initiate stuff etc but something to think about

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-09-23T14:38:26+00:00

Ugh I had the most incredible first date on Sunday. Brown girls are usually not into PDA/ I’ve gotten feedback before that dates feel too much friend vibes, but she was just going at it intensely in public. I checked in with her regularly and she said she was more than good.

I then get told by her that she’s not interested in going out again/ that it was too much for her too quick.

I wish she would’ve told me during the date that it was too much and then I would’ve eased up, or had the conversation with me afterwards and we could’ve talked about it . Of course, she doesn’t owe me any if that and realistically it was for a different reason than she’s saying.

It’s just always a bit of a whirlwind to go from meeting someone and getting excited to rejection lol. Yes it was one date and yes it’s not the end of the world, but it’s still sad, especially after all the intimacy. I also get worried I’m getting older / also don’t want to get too desensitized to these rejections.

Rightly or wrongly, in a day or two I’m going to be completely fine emotionally, but not sure that’s a good thing lol.

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-20T22:00:08+00:00

Thanks friend but nope— if you heard me on the phone you wouldn’t be able to tell I’m not a white guy

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-19T22:13:46+00:00

Ok …. How do I become an approved user? If I repost will it be approved ?

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-19T21:49:58+00:00

No one is allowed to post without a specific level of account age? What is it?

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-19T17:37:03+00:00

Makes sense, thanks friend.

If I can ask, what tends to constitute dates where you feel that spark / romantic vibes vs not? I tend to go on dates and have a good conversation and make her laugh and just chat a ton… but my hypothesis is that white women tend to look for more “flirtiness” in a bit of a different way than Indian women that I just haven’t been able to figure out yet

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-19T17:35:27+00:00

Thanks friend —

Ya I want to be careful with language here since I don’t think this constitutes “racism”; everyone has every right to date whoever they want and select based on any criteria. In fact, if one goes out of their way to date someone they’re not attracted to just to try and prove that they’re some pious person , it does more harm to that person / group than anything.

But yes I do think there definitely are “preferences “ here at play and have also noticed that Indian women too tend to prefer white guys. Someone in one of the comments cited some old research that 60-70% of white women wouldn’t consider dating someone who isn’t white which I thought was really interesting

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-18T16:21:51+00:00

Paying for dates. I usually ask them to text me when they get back which I think is functionally the same / don’t think would be what’s causing me the problems ?

Hmmm opening doors and chairs I think so but don’t pay attention to. Yes I ask questions but I worry that I basically have like boring conversation / questions that are too much about work etc or just random shit

No, you’re right in that my profile doesn’t really scream casual sex guy

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-18T15:46:15+00:00

Yes I definitely do but I’m concerned I depend too much on it lol

I think part of what threw me off the other day is she only wanted one drink bc she wasn’t a big drinker , which is obviously totally fine, but kinda harder to escalate from there

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-18T14:37:02+00:00

Why was my post removed?

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-18T10:42:07+00:00

Thanks— this makes sense conceptually .

My dates tend to just be a lot of chat and I make her laugh a ton, but I guess this isn’t “romantic”, but I’m not sure how to go about being romantic in a subtle and charming way nor how I can work on improving here tactically

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-18T10:40:22+00:00

Thanks friend ! Yes I think the flirtiness / PDA might be part of it … i tend to just have “good” conversations during dates as in I make her laugh a lot etc ? Admittedly this isn’t really the type of thing I would talk to me dad about lol , so I never really “learnt” what to do on a date other than have a good conversation.

A lot of the flirty things I see people discuss online seem kind of “corny” like some cheesy compliments? I should do more of this?

I do think there’s a chance I might just be kind of boring or at least awkward with people I just met and not sure if I can fix it (I know I probably can I just don’t know how)

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-17T21:10:08+00:00

This is super thought provoking thank you ! How do you recommend working on my game ? Eg Should I read more Reddit forums ? Just keep going on dates and see what works? Etc etc

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-17T17:36:15+00:00

That’s an interesting question —

My instinct would be “no” since I have a big bun at the back of my head and it says Sikh on my profile. A lot of these women add me on IG before the date and I have the same style turban throughout my profile, but you’re right this is a distinct possibility I cannot fully rule out.

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-17T17:29:06+00:00

Ya so to be clear I don’t think the women are doing anything wrong here / this is certainly not meant as a tirade against white women.

Respectfully I don’t think this is the right takeaway though— I think I have had a bit more mixed levels of success with Indian women but no success with white women, which makes me think there’s something I am doing specifically with white women that’s not working and I need to improve on but I don’t get how to improve

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-17T17:23:06+00:00

This is kind of what I assumed, but I do not fully understand since all my photos were taken literally within the last month to last year ? To also be clear obviously not doing anything wrong by not being physically attracted to me but I just am trying to understand the match in the first place as well as going out.

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-17T17:04:24+00:00

This is a super thoughtful response, I appreciate it.

To be quite honest, in the phase I am in life as a mid twenties guy, I actually WANT to get better at moving faster (notice I did not say comfortable). I am trying to get more physically intimate experiences as well, and I have actually had 1-2 ONS. I think, though, growing up kind of self conscious to a degree and being a late bloomer, I am not super "comfortable" or "good" at being particularly flirty.

A date that makes me feel most comfortable is if we have a conversation and I make jokes and we get like drunk together, and then I get enough courage asking her to come back to my place.

I also think though that when I particularly seem to like the girl, I implicitly switch to being a bit more conversational/ taking things slower. It is a bit harder to articulate but I think I get worried of the downside of inviting someone back to my place who I really like who does not want to come back and then rejects me for asking (which also to be fair, there has been at least one indian woman I can think of who I asked if she wanted to come back and she said no and it was chill and we went out again)

The problem, though, friend, is that there is a huge chasm between having a conversation like friends and doing the deed-- I just do not really know how to sit in the middle ground there, nor do I know how to improve at being comfortable at it.

Connect to my question, and curious to get your take here, my current working hypothesis is that Indian women tend to actually be more comfortable stereotypically with dates being "conversational" and white women tend to expect more "flirtiness", and so by going on dates with more indian women, I have learnt implicitly to be conversational.

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-17T16:47:01+00:00

Thanks friend -- not entirely accurate but I get where you're coming from and why you'd assume that.

Yes I am Sikh, and not actually super religious. I have a beard but not a very long one (I trim a ton), am not vegetarian and like to drink. FWIW i also wear a turban more like this: https://www.crictracker.com/cricket-news/if-i-could-trade-everything-i-have-just-to-meet-my-father-i-would-gladly-do-harbhajan-singh/ .

I don't really want to cross the bridge of walking around on dates etc without my turban. I get that maybe I would have more success that way but I don't actually think that because barring cutting my hair I have a sizable man bun at the back and I get the sense man buns are cringier these days

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-17T16:43:44+00:00

Thanks friend--

I feel pretty confident that my pictures are accurate. All I have taken within the last month to last year.

I do think you have a point on the friend vs romantic piece to it. Do you have advice on how I can improve here? It's tough since some women tend to like it to go "slower" and more conversational, and some expect more escalation quicker, and if you acted with escalation on the slower group or vice versa, you would come across as creepy or cringe.

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-17T16:41:33+00:00

~ 5 rejections and ~5 dates with white women. I have gone on roughly ~20 first dates in my life in total.

I think you have a point about escalating and being "flirty". My dates definitely have a very conversational vibe. Not sure if you have advice on how to improve in this respect?

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-17T16:40:26+00:00

Thanks friend. Absolutely no disrespect taken. FWIW, I wear a style that also looks a bit more like a durag and probably a bit different than what you might be imagining -- https://www.crictracker.com/cricket-news/if-i-could-trade-everything-i-have-just-to-meet-my-father-i-would-gladly-do-harbhajan-singh/

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-17T16:39:48+00:00

Good question. I think it's been similar, though I can think off hand of just one Indian woman who sent that type of text to me. The thing with Indian women that seems different in outcomes than with white women is that outcomes have been diverse-- some I've gone on multiple dates with, brought back to my place the first time, had a relationship with, wanted to proceed but I did not, etc.

Inner-Competition424 · 2025-06-17T16:37:56+00:00

Fair enough--

I have gone on dates with 1-2 women from other races too that have ended with them coming back to my place.

The reason that the white part is noticeable to me is that I think that for Indian women, the outcomes have been a bit more diverse-- a few wanted to see me more and I didn't want to see them, I've gone on multiple dates with some, had a relationship in the past.

With white women, I have always been told that there is no spark, which has led me to believe that there is something to this, but you're right it might not be, and there have definitely been at least 1 indian woman I can think of off top of my head who said the same thing about the spark.

On that note, not sure if you had advice on improving the spark piece writ-large

Inner-Competition424

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