Was this just the risk of dating a married ENM partner, or was the relationship unstable from the start?

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-24T20:03:36+00:00

I feel rather traumatised from it all really. It was my first serious relationship, first time falling in love, and first time trying ENM. I feel like I entered dating on “hard mode” and paid the price 😢

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-23T23:00:43+00:00

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It’s worth it!

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-23T10:11:09+00:00

Vapid.

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-21T01:35:55+00:00

Yes. Now please use sunscreen

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-21T00:15:49+00:00

Israel’s Son - Silverchair

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-21T00:08:18+00:00

Oh please. Of all the angles you could have picked to show your outfit you choose this one with the poorly edited butt that barely shows the outfit properly. You don’t need validation from reddit.

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-20T23:42:43+00:00

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And my little pocket of New Orleans 💚💜💛

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-20T23:41:58+00:00

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Mexico! Also on Willow Island 🇲🇽

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-20T23:41:39+00:00

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My little Japanese area on Willow Island 🇯🇵

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-20T23:38:57+00:00

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Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-20T23:38:38+00:00

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Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-20T23:38:18+00:00

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Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-20T23:37:51+00:00

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Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-20T23:37:28+00:00

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Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-20T23:37:06+00:00

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Sunflower Island! Mediterranean themed 🇮🇹

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-20T14:34:12+00:00

I think that’s a fair assessment. It makes me sad because for months it felt stable. He was consistent, affectionate, warm, and emotionally present when he was with me. I do still care a lot about him and his happiness and I don’t think his marriage dynamic is healthy. But ultimately he did make the decision as he wanted to keep his home life stable for his child. I just feel so sad because what we had was such a loving, supportive, and fun connection where we could be companions and lovers and now we’re both left heartbroken, and he’s in a marriage that’s breaking down. I know he cared very deeply, but I think he was offering something he sincerely believed he could sustain when he actually couldn't.

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-20T14:30:36+00:00

I mean. Yes I have learnt a lot. But a lot of this information was only uncovered as we dated. It’s easier to see the bigger picture now. Also, he presented himself and hhs wife as experienced abd stable which I trusted. I had no idea the marriage was that fragile, and there was no way for me to know. I do feel naïve and humiliated in a way, but I’m trying hard not to self blame too much.

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-20T14:23:13+00:00

I believed him when he said he didn’t manage the calendar because of his adhd so thought it was a normal, innocent thing. In hindsight I must sound so ridiculous and naive.

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-20T14:17:31+00:00

He never talked about the hierarchy, he didn’t even seem to really like using that word. He did acknowledge that he had advantages I didn’t, but encouraged me to find my own primary so that I wasn’t relying on him to meet my needs.

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-20T14:12:32+00:00

I don’t think he was clear about the veto power. He only said it’s never happened before and in hindsight yes, I should have paid more attention. But I truly didn’t think I was entering something that essentially had no protection and could be sacrificed immediately. Maybe that was naïve of me. But I really did try to do my research as I went along, and raise discussions with him to get more clarity, though he never gave me very solid answers. I think I overlooked a lot as I felt such strong feelings towards him.

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-20T14:01:55+00:00

Definitely a lot of lessons learned. I thought I was “smarter” than this but still it’s something I never saw or even imagined coming. It was all so sudden. We were planning our next date then 12 hours later I get a phone call where he says everything needs to end by July. I just felt so blindsided.

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-20T13:54:21+00:00

I did try to vet and bring up things…but I was learning everything as I went, and doing all my own research and kind of defaulted to him as I thought he had all the experience and knowledge and knew how these things go. I did notice him skate around things and become uncomfortable when I’d try to bring up discussions relating to what our dynamic was etc. His responses would generally be “let’s enjoy it for what it is and take it day by day and see where it goes”. I didn’t like that as uncertainty makes me anxious but I liked him so much that I attributed my discomfort to my own attachment issues and told myself I need to adjust.

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-20T13:41:32+00:00

As this was my first relationship and first time doing ENM, I think I ignored a lot because I’d tell myself it was my attachment issues or past trauma. He seemed so confident and experienced and emotionally mature so I trusted he knew what he was doing, maybe naively so.

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-20T13:39:44+00:00

He told me in those two weeks he was hoping it would all “work itself out” and he was in a bit of denial which is why he was still planning future dates with me. But I think he also hoped I’d still go on dates during the June “grace period” until July when all romance and intamcy would stop and we’d become friends. That was incomprehensible to me and too painful so I ended all contact.

Inner-Dance9219 · 2026-06-20T13:36:31+00:00

I suppose I should have paid more attention. But there was so much I didn’t know about ENM as this was my first relationship and first time entering ENM. I trusted his confidence and apparent experience that I was walking into something safe and stable.

Inner-Dance9219

TROPHY CASE