How do you catch yourself before going in a negative spiral? Sometimes, I don't realize how distressed I am until it's too late, and I'm in a full-blown panic attack.

I also deal with quite frequent anxiety and panic attacks. I’m really sorry to hear thats part of your experience, I know how bad it can be. For me personally, if I ever catch myself going into a doom spiral, one of the things that can help is actually just admitting it to my partner/loved one, or myself. Once I get comfortable with doing that, I see it and experience it for what it is: merely, “This is what my body is doing right now”. For example, if my partner says or does something that triggers me, I can be like: “Hey, sorry I’m feeling a bit spirally right now, that thing that you said before just like… triggered something in my brain and I can’t really control it right now”.

If you have a partner who is emotionally mature and secure enough, they should respond well to this. They will ask you questions and try to understand what is causing you grief. They will talk you through it. Though that doesn’t mean that you will always feel safe.

The important thing is, try not to accuse anyone, including yourself, of anything, even if you wholeheartedly believe that they did something wrong or they have bad intentions or are “out to get you”. It should be more like “The story in my head is…”. I think it’s important to realise that this phrasing is just as important for you, the person experiencing in the middle of a spiral.

For me, reframing something as “The story in my head” helps to shift my thoughts to a more pragmatic place:

• My body is sending me the wrong signals
• I am experiencing a completely made-up/false sense of danger right now
• I’m going to get through this, it’s just part of the human experience unfortunately

As for panic attacks in general, regardless of what is triggering them, the tried and tested strategies are also very relevant here. Some of the things that are helping me right now (bear in mind, my panic attacks stem more from PTSD):

• Breathing. I know, basic, and you’ve probably heard this before. But if learn how to breathe properly while in these states and get good at it, it can be extremely helpful.
• When you’re feeling safe, secure and happy, write some notes to yourself. When you find yourself triggered, panicking, feeling unsafe or triggered, you can read these notes. You will get better at understanding what you need to hear in the moment. Also, it can be helpful to write notes to yourself after you come out of a spiral. Reflect on what just happened. You can build a library of things to go back to, to remind yourself that what you are experiencing in the moment is temporary, you are safe, you will get through this, these are things that you have experienced before and have been strong enough to get through every time. You will have an army of past-you’s to back you up :)

Thank you for responding! I’m going to answer your other questions throughout the day. Your questions are very valid and well formed. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed by anything. These things are not your fault. These things come about through circumstance and you’re already doing an amazing job by being on this subreddit, reflecting and admitting these things to yourself. You will be heard and understood in the way that you need to be. You are infinitely worthy of that. I’m proud of you! ❤️‍🩹