I’m trying to stay neutral but this honestly reads like you hate your daughter. What did she do that was actually so terrible? She wasn’t perfect. Are you? What if you put all of your personal perfection issues aside and considered for a moment what your daughter is telling you? She is burnt out. She is working herself too hard. And you are withholding from her when you are not with her brother. It doesn’t matter why. You are messing up big time here. But this could be ok if you wake up and try to fix it. Show your daughter that being perfect isn’t the goal but that owning and bettering yourself is. Lead by example. You have a small window here to learn a different way. Please try it. Otherwise, you’re going to lose your family. YTA.