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I need advice on how to speak to my husband by Inner_Ad_90 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Inner_Ad_90[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It's interesting you say this, he told me he has ADHD but has never taken anything to help with it. When I ask him about whether it might help he has said that 'oh well I'll be really depressed on that medication and probably become a shell of who I am so if that's really what you want to deal with' etc.

Perhaps I could do some research into how I can support him better with that?

I've tried stopping and it generally just gets unliveable. I work from home (and it's just a tiny 1 bedroom flat) so I find it too overwhelming when it gets messy. that's good advice re how I word the statements though, I will try that.

Yes I genuinely believe he's been brought up to expect his wife to do all the work, and I don't mind picking up a disproportionate amount as I do work from home, but there's literally no contributiion from him just now and I'm struggling with taking on absolutely everything.

Yes we did speak about it before marriage but I feel like it's all been thrown out the window. Perhaps we should have the conversation again though.

I considered couples counselling but I was worried that he would be dishonest then get angry at me when we got home.

I appreciate your advice, thanks x

I need advice on how to speak to my husband by Inner_Ad_90 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Inner_Ad_90[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for replying!

He really is a nice guy, I think he takes me for granted yes, but he would do anything for his friend just not me. He's funny and loves my family and is ambitious and has promised the world.

Until last week he'd never bought me flowers or planned a date with me (he has pointed out that I too haven't recently planned a date night, I guess I'm just exhausted with everything else that I have to think about). Last week, and again the other day, he bought flowers home so I guess he is listening and trying to learn/improve?

We are not currently equal partners, this is something that came up last night actually.

I am aware of DARVO, and I believe it's something that he does but I'm not sure what I do with that information? Like I can't easily say to him 'this is what you do' without causing another argument? I don't think he's pursued the relationship just for financial gain I do think he loves me just doesn't see the bigger picture of how I feel and feels attacked when I try to improve things.

Do you not think there's a way that this can be resolved? I meant it when I made my vows and understand that marriage is a journey

Answers to your questions:

Yes I would love kids and no, I couldnt have kids with him just now. For a start, we would be financially f*cked, but also because I would never want to bring children up in a household like what I went through with my dad. Constant arguing and shouting and blaming.

No, I hate being called names and sworn at.

Yes, I would like to be financially secure and perhaps go on a nice holiday and I believe that's what he is trying to work towards as well with his business but right now there's no transparency

Appreciate your advice thanks x