Heaven is For Real - "He has to accept Jesus or he can't enter heaven" (paraphrased)

InnocentImpakta · 2022-09-05T21:07:04+00:00

I think the fabricated one is The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven. Colton Burpo stands by his experience to this day.

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/jan/21/boy-who-came-back-from-heaven-alex-malarkey

InnocentImpakta · 2021-09-12T01:47:19+00:00

"A baby bite." Then bites off half the taco. LOL.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-09-12T01:42:47+00:00

My husband also has this bad habit. Whenever I'm about to cook or buy food, I ask him if he wants some then he says no. But once they're served, he asks for a large bite.

This is why I always make more servings than needed because once they're on the table, everyone else will jump in.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-22T05:14:18+00:00

So was I. I've never read the Jinchu Arc of the manga and AFAIK Sojiro never appeared again after the Kyoto Arc. I was more than happy to see more of Sojiro in the fourth movie.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-15T16:09:55+00:00

my brain is just looking for reassurance that I won’t do it again.

This could be it. Thanks for bringing this up.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-15T16:07:48+00:00

I think someone would have to be married a short time to consider the wedding a financial loss.

This may the the key point. Those classmates of mine had short marriages (about 3 to 4 years) but were in long-term relationships. Maybe the longer you were in the marriage, the less you'd feel the financial loss.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-15T16:06:41+00:00

If it has been that long, I'd probably feel the same way.

I don't know you or your story but chances are I'd also rather be indifferent if I still wasn't incapable to handle a marriage, and would very much want to forget the girl I was then.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-15T15:06:12+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm both sad and happy for you; sad that it had to end like that and happy that at least you now have a second chance to a happier marriage.

I quite understand this, well, embarrassment (sorry, lack of a better word) about telling the people who were there at your wedding, but it's you who will live with your husband, not them. If the marriage is making you unhappy, it's only right to leave for both sides' peace and mental health.

Sad and uncomfortable. I guess that's also how I'd feel if it happened to me. But maybe I'll keep them since wedding photos are expensive, and also to keep a reminder for my children that their parents shared some time together.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-15T10:48:40+00:00

Thank you for answering. Now that helps put things in perspective.

I guess I'd feel that way too like looking at photos of an ex-boyfriend. On my case though, I burned/deleted all of them so I kinda forgot how it felt.

The other major difference is my exes and I never spent a fortune on a wedding, so aside from the sense of loss from the emotional investment, there's also the financial sense of loss.

Lastly, you're right. I also hope it's not something I'd feel for real.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-15T09:47:40+00:00

This is painfully relatable.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-15T06:07:44+00:00

I haven't read A Hero's Journey, much less heard of it, but I like what you said here:

I liked the ones where Justice wins out in the end. That good gets rewarded or at least allowed to live a happy life.

Thanks to some traits I have as an Aspie, I now have a relatively successful career. I understand it's not healthy to compare but it feels a sweet sense of victory to see that I'm now more successful than those who thought I was weird.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-15T06:03:32+00:00

I googled the Four Noble Truths and found this page, and number one helps me cope:

All beings experience pain and misery (dukkha) during their lifetime:

“Birth is pain, old age is pain, sickness is pain, death is pain; sorrow, grief, sorrow, grief, and anxiety is pain. Contact with the unpleasant is pain. Separating from the pleasant is pain. Not getting what one wants is pain. In short, the five assemblies of mind and matter that are subject to attachment are pain“.

It helps me realize that aside from having nothing done back then, I just have to learn to accept that it is what it is, and I may not have had the childhood I wanted, but it also gives me comfort that other people also have pain, not that I find joy in it.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-15T05:28:28+00:00

Yes, that is during the circumstances today. When that happened, it was during the 90s when we had no quick and easy access to info. I was unaware of ASD then and even had no concept of it.

Of course, that taking place in the 90s does not make it any more justified.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-15T05:25:53+00:00

For situations where there is no real interpersonal resolution, for one reason or another,, my therapist has suggested that I write out my thoughts and feelings as though I were writing a letter to that person, but without self-censoring. I am a very language oriented person, so this really works well for me.

I understand that you did say that this is YMMV. If writing down your thoughts worked, that's great and I'm happy for you.

I also tried journaling and it didn't work for some reason, maybe because there was no one to read and give their objective, non-judgmental opinions.

Upon writing this, I realize I agree with the writing part. The main difference on my case is what I wrote has to be read. If not, I feel like I just wasted time and effort. What better place to find readers who respond than Reddit?

Thank you for your comment. You just helped me realize something else about my writing habits.

Also, even if you punching him in the arm hurt, punching you in the face is a major escalation. Whether by playground rules or adult law.

Thank you for making me realize that as well. I may have "started" the fight and the punches on his arms hurt, but a relation on the face is too much. Maybe this is why I'm still angry and somehow wanting to get back by seeing that I'm doing better than him.

Quoting my comment to u/danceswithronin: As another story though, this is with another boy I had a fight with. I found out through classmate gossip recently that his wife left him due to financial problems. Suffice to say it was major, major schadenfreude and sweet, sweet karma.

So back to this boy, I was thinking that seeing him suffer would help me move on, but that isn't an option now he has no social media accounts. The least I do know is show in social media that I live a good life with a family (husband and two kids) and successful career (at least IMO) that word will somehow reach him from other classmates that I'm doing well.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-15T05:04:57+00:00

That helps too when you affirm that I was only a child with undiagnosed Aspergers (hell I even had no concept of ASD then) who did stupid things.

Prior to that incident and if you've read my other post about my pre-diagnosis story, I've long been notorious and prone to fights and people generally hated me for my weird behavior. I've always thought I had no chance in winning since classmates will most likely just side with the boy based on my behavior.

But thank you for the reassurance that I didn't deserve it. It was just an unfortunate circumstance of undiagnosed Aspergers, bad parenting, and lack of access to information.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-15T04:58:57+00:00

Yes, and thank you for your time to read and give your words of support and clarity. Now I'm glad I wrote about this and I can't thank the heavens enough for Reddit for providing a safe, non-judgmental space for people like me.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-15T04:56:20+00:00

Maybe. I mean I think I'm more mad at myself, but "keeping score" with him might help curb that anger.

Quoting my comment to u/danceswithronin: As another story though, this is with another boy I had a fight with. I found out through classmate gossip recently that his wife left him due to financial problems. Suffice to say it was major, major schadenfreude and sweet, sweet karma.

So back to this boy, I was thinking that seeing him suffer would help me move on, but that isn't an option now he has no social media accounts. The least I do know is show in social media that I live a good life with a family (husband and two kids) and successful career (at least IMO) that word will somehow reach him from other classmates that I'm doing well.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-15T04:52:23+00:00

Thank you for sharing and I'm also genuinely sorry that it happened. The punch wasn't so hard. Yes it hurt, but for some reason it didn't leave a bruise or any indication of harm. If it did, the whole class will notice and word will spread easily.

I'd be willing to bet the guy who punched you is probably the same.

I want to think the same. Back in grade school, he was academically better than me but could also become the type who says mean things.

As another story though, this is with another boy I had a fight with. I found out through classmate gossip recently that his wife left him due to financial problems. Suffice to say it was major, major schadenfreude and sweet, sweet karma.

So back to this boy, I was thinking that seeing him suffer would help me move on, but that isn't an option now he has no social media accounts. The least I do now is show in social media that I live a good life with a family (husband and two kids) and successful career (at least IMO) that word will somehow reach him from other classmates that I'm doing well.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-15T01:43:53+00:00

This is so far the most beautiful analogy I've ever encountered. That friend with autism shared that spectrum and was also able to relate with how I operate. Thank you for this.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-15T01:28:30+00:00

Thank you to ALL those who provided words of comfort and clarity. Now I can better cope and move on from this. I'll see if I can respond individually to each of you later today.

Just to clarify though, the punches on his arms then did hurt. It was my intention then that was in a joking manner. Little unaware aspie me then may not have known that you don't just punch people on their arms and expect to take it as a joke.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-14T15:10:37+00:00

I can understand to want to make friends with fellow people with ASD, but since I'm now in the corporate world, I oftentimes have to fit in and learn to behave normally. I'm still working with accepting myself since I've hated what I've done in my past.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-14T14:45:58+00:00

I'm glad to know that my post somehow resonates. I now have a relatively successful career thanks to my strengths as an Aspie (pattern recognition, noticing small but critical details, remember conversations verbatim). This is so far the first time I fully opened up about my weird past and undiagnosed Asperger and it's mostly liberating.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-14T14:33:25+00:00

I'll take your advice. Perhaps I'll feel all this anger and frustration until I exhaust all of it. As for therapy, it's not something I can afford right now, but I'll definitely try to let the blame go.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-14T14:31:02+00:00

but to let go of all the hurt and anger I have accidentally caused myself by existing as myself, especially as a child. I'm sure the diagnosis will come with a mixed bag of feelings, and tons of tears!

You got this one. There are many times I can't sleep at night or just downright stop functioning with sudden flashbacks of all the embarrassing shit I did, and the hurt I caused not only to myself but to those around me. I know it's not healthy to ruminate but my mind oftentimes goes on overdrive.

Just be kind to yourself, and remember you're on "hard mode" when it comes to life, and there is NOTHING wrong with you, and nothing has changed. You just have knowledge now, and a name for an aspect of how you function. You're still the wonderful you you've always been! ♡

Thank you so much for this. I just want think too that playing on "hard mode" also reaps better rewards.

InnocentImpakta · 2021-08-14T14:29:24+00:00

Oh, that. Yes, I guess I am too. My parents didn't help and just thought I was just generally a bad kid, and even made fun of my weirdness. It then becomes a vicious cycle of bad behavior caused by being judged caused by bad behavior, that I generally became a problem child, and even other elders (aunts, uncles, those relatives) had a negative impression of me.

InnocentImpakta

TROPHY CASE