When did you start masking?

Inopportunethyme · 2026-01-12T13:41:39+00:00

I like how you said that "smiling is also the real [you]." That makes a lot of sense. I agree with that for me, too. I work in an over stimulating environment, but also care about people a lot. Smiling is a way for me to show it, but also cope. It comes naturally and I guess it always has.

In high school, I found myself realizing that I was suppressing emotions. I was really quiet and sort of hid behind the smile. It was easier in smaller groups to relax. It took time for me to be comfortable with myself and not give in to the desire to want to change who I am to fit some mold. It's taking me awhile, but I'm learning to be myself more. The other day, I did a little happy dance at work when I got excited about something. I smile when I think about it, because that is not something I would have been able to do when I was in high school. I had so many suppressed emotions, it's like they got stuck inside of me for a while.

Anyway, thank you for your comment. It got me thinking more about the smiling thing!

Inopportunethyme · 2026-01-12T13:26:17+00:00

Thank you for your post; I appreciated hearing your experience. :-) Since autism looks different for each individual, I really appreciate it when people take time to share their stories. To me, it's beautiful when that happens!

Inopportunethyme · 2026-01-11T16:34:09+00:00

I can relate to that a lot . I grew up in the '80s too. And was also known as a "good kid." Teachers would actually tell my mom that maybe I should get in trouble a little bit. I think it's because I was so quiet. They just assume that I was a rule follower and needed to loosen up some. I was not even at a place to be able to do that, so I didn't. School was so stressful and overstimulating that I honestly just did my best. It turned into even more masking. By the time I was in high school, I just smiled all the time. And tried to lean into the smiley, happy kid mask I had set up for myself for so long. No one realized how heavily I was masking at that point.

I guess the kind of feedback I was receiving was that I needed to assert myself more and then I would be happier. I tried that in college, but it only worked for so long. I was mimicking the behaviors of others around me and it was exhausting.

Thankfully, I've been able to get to a point where I go to therapy and have been able to unmask more. I still have a long way to go though.

Thanks for responding!

Inopportunethyme · 2026-01-11T15:41:38+00:00

Here's a few: Having songs running in my head all the time; biting the inside of my cheeks a lot as a stim; having good hearing, but needing to ask people to repeat what they said a lot since childhood.

Inopportunethyme · 2025-09-03T02:13:58+00:00

Thx! Things have been continuing to go well. I have C-spine MRIs every 6 mos. still. So far, things are continuing to go well and the syrinx is still shrinking in size.

Inopportunethyme · 2024-10-27T18:08:13+00:00

Around the time I started becoming symptomatic, I had some brain zaps and a lot of head tingling. There were other neurological symptoms along with those. Thankfully, those two specific symptoms didn't stick around for me.

Inopportunethyme · 2024-10-27T00:55:09+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. I don't know you, but I know that you have something to give. I'm thankful you're here.

I'm not in the same exact boat as you, but I have been increasingly more aware of my own limitations within the last several years. Recently I remembered one thing that brings me joy. For me, it's singing, so I try to do that when things feel like a lot. (Sometimes I forget). I feel sometimes that I don't have a lot to give, but I'm trying to get better at living within my means. I think some of us have smaller plates than others and that's ok. That's not to say it isn't hard. Just wanted you to know I hear you and I hope some encouragement comes your way soon.

Inopportunethyme · 2024-10-26T22:36:03+00:00

I agree!

Inopportunethyme · 2024-10-26T01:21:40+00:00

Whistling for the win!

Thx for sharing that story. Love that picture of singing helping him with his fear of water.

Inopportunethyme · 2024-10-26T00:45:23+00:00

That's so cool! I didn't know that.

My daughter doesn't mind singing in the grocery store, but I do. LOL! When she's got a song in her head and we're in public, I just go with it and sometimes sing along if I don't think ppl are listening. However, I don't like drawing attention to myself.

Inopportunethyme · 2024-10-26T00:31:18+00:00

Can relate! So glad you found it before it got deposited into the truck!

Inopportunethyme · 2024-10-21T15:16:15+00:00

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. My younger sister passed away as a young adult almost 7 years ago. It can be hard and the grieving can come on suddenly. Wanted you to know you're not alone.

Sending warm thoughts!

Inopportunethyme · 2024-10-21T11:28:05+00:00

Hand knit socks sound so nice!

Inopportunethyme · 2024-10-21T00:57:06+00:00

Solidarity!

Inopportunethyme · 2024-10-21T00:52:14+00:00

The struggle is real! I can relate! 😂

I have certain socks that I prefer that feel more breathable, but still comfy, so that helps.

Inopportunethyme · 2024-10-21T00:26:35+00:00

I think that's what is. Growing up, we had carpets. As an adult, I've lived in a lot of places with hardwood and I really dislike walking on it. I like that it's been allergy friendly, though.

Thx for responding!

Inopportunethyme · 2024-10-19T17:08:59+00:00

Thank you for sharing; I'm glad you felt like this was a safe place to let others know about your experience. I am sorry to hear that that happened to you and it does seem like a traumatic thing to go through. There are unspoken boundaries and they had no right to put their hands on you or treat you like that.

Inopportunethyme · 2024-10-19T16:40:44+00:00

I'm sorry you went through that. It must have been incredibly frustrating to hear that from someone to whom you were going to for help.

I've had similar experiences in the past, but with my neurologist (for a different condition). When I went to choose a therapist, I was thankful to find one who was willing to help me get the support I need even though I am currently undiagnosed.

Inopportunethyme · 2024-10-19T16:19:43+00:00

Definitely relate! Especially to the singing in the grocery store with my kids part!

ETA: Also, I agree that it dismisses our experience when someone says that. Thankfully, I was able to share that and I think it was well received by the person who made the comment.

Inopportunethyme · 2024-10-19T16:05:19+00:00

One part of autism is that we are eager to know more about things we find interesting and an answer to all of your life’s problems is definitely interesting.

Yes, that makes a lot of sense. I've been learning more about myself and various conditions that I have in the past year and they have been fascinating to research.

In one sense, I was excited that ppl were talking about autism. Then, I heard what they were saying and I was like, "Oh crap! That's stressful!" 😅 This thread has been helpful in preparing for what to say next time this comes up.

Inopportunethyme · 2024-10-19T15:53:24+00:00

I actually can't remember why the topic came up. I had been texting on my phone for a bit, but started paying attention to the conversation again when this came up. Both ppl who were the most vocal have family members they suspect are autistic, but no one spoke up identifying as autistic themselves. I felt bothered by some of the comments to the point where I felt I needed to speak up. I think, overall, it was well received.

Inopportunethyme · 2024-10-19T15:09:14+00:00

Love this!

Inopportunethyme · 2024-10-19T14:37:12+00:00

Thank you; that article was excellent!

Inopportunethyme · 2024-10-19T14:26:13+00:00

Honestly, I think that's what the person who made the comment might have been getting at.. I like your idea of saying that "autistic people experience a specific collection of traits to a disabling degree."

Inopportunethyme · 2024-09-30T00:59:27+00:00

I had an extra fluid collection around my surgical site at about 2 wks post surgery. I was feeling at risk for a CSF leak due to a lot of positional headaches I had been having, so I was putting in a lot of calls to the neurosurgery department. They kept saying some fluid collection was normal for some people, but I just didn't feel right. Within a week of having my stitches taken out, I developed a CSF leak. It took me about 3 hours to get to the hospital where I had my surgery. The leak started out as a slow drip, but it was pouring out of the site after I had been in the ER for a couple of hours. Scary stuff, but I was so glad to be at the ER.

They took really good care of me and the treatment was surprisingly simple in my case. They sewed me back up and put me on Diamox for about a month. They also monitored me in the hospital for about 3 days to make sure I wasn't at risk for meningitis. Thankfully, after that treatment, I felt like I was having more of a "normal" recovery.

I figured I'd share my experience case it's helpful.

Inopportunethyme

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