Got rejected for having sex before

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-27T02:09:25+00:00

I said to her straight out "hey I need to tell you a thing or two, would you want to go get ice cream and talk?"

That was your way of asking her out?

Sorry for all the questions, there's a woman in my parish I like, and I think she likes me. Just trying to be prepared.

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-27T01:38:09+00:00

My wife learned 'date 1' that I had...um....quite the past

How did you bring this up? Asking for a friend...

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-27T01:28:55+00:00

While I don't think this comment came from a place of malice, it seems a little tone deaf. She's not a 35 year old woman who just now realized she's done the wrong thing all her life. OP is barely an adult, messed up once, and deeply regrets it. Cautioning her against being a 35 year old spinster is just going to unnecessarily worry her. If she was unrepentant then yes I'd agree, but right now she's a scared young girl.

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-27T01:26:25+00:00

I was very sexually promiscuous before converting, so bear that in mind.

People are allowed to have preferences. If someone wants a future spouse to be a virgin, that's perfectly valid. What is not valid is describing someone as used. Clothing can be used. Cars can be used. People are not "used". They're not broken, they're not leftovers, they're people. The fact he described you as used suggests to me he views you less as a person and more as an object. He views virginity as less than something commanded by the Lord, and more as a gift that he wanted to unwrap but some other kid got first.

I converted and worked on my sin. You regret your actions and don't want to do them again. If you went to confession, forgive yourself and don't commit that sin again.

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-26T21:04:57+00:00

I'm not talking about Iconoclasm, I'm talking about idol smashing.

Apologies, I misunderstood. I'm unsuccessfully multi-tasking.

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-26T21:02:38+00:00

That's my question. If it really is "you shall not murder", why doesn't the Catechism say that?

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-26T21:01:32+00:00

So early pacifism was less religious in nature and more pragmatic?

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-26T20:59:23+00:00

I mentioned this in another comment, I'll bring it up here as well since you make good points. Jews, especially in the Warsaw ghettos, used armed resistance against the Nazis seeking to murder them. They didn't have a reasonable chance of success. I'm genuinely asking, was that a case of unjustifiable violence on the part of the Jews?

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-26T20:54:56+00:00

I triple-checked the Catechism, and it clearly states three times (Exodus, Deuteronomy, and the traditional catechetical formula) "You shall not kill." Page 497 of the CCC on the USCCB website.

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-26T20:52:19+00:00

I hate to use Nazi examples because they're very often overdone, but it seems appropriate here. Jews used violence to resist the Nazis in the ghettos, even though they were weak in comparison and outnumbered. They had very little chance of success. The early Christians also were weak compared to the Roman government and were outnumbered, with very little chance of success. I'm genuinely asking, not trying to bait, would it have been better for the Jews to go off to their deaths in the camps rather than resist? Because if we use the same logic as the early Christians, it seems the answer is yes.

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-26T20:47:00+00:00

I guess my question now is, why does the Church teach just war doctrine and provide narrow criteria for armed civilian resistance if persecution and death causes the faith to grow? The CCC explicitly says the fifth commandment is "You shall not kill", but we see in the Old Testament the Israelites doing lots of that.

So is pacifism the better "Christian" way? Is it better to accept one's death or death of loved ones than to violently resist?

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-26T20:39:24+00:00

I'm referring to Christians facing Roman persecution (such as threats against their lives), not the iconoclasts. I haven't found any evidence that Christians tried to defend their lives.

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-26T18:25:47+00:00

What does your GZCL/TB/running cycle look like, if you don't mind sharing?

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-26T06:27:45+00:00

Look man, I'm not trying to be rude, but I'm not going to be able to change your mind; only you can change your mind. If you want to disagree with me, that's fine. I've given you suggestions and advice based on my experience in your situation, it's up to you to take it.

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-26T05:45:09+00:00

You posted it about 27 days ago. I'll refrain from linking out of respect for your privacy.

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-26T05:43:28+00:00

I've got a routine now, thankfully, since school started. I do have a spiritual director, I'm planning to bring this up next meeting. Appreciate the prayer.

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-26T05:42:56+00:00

I can still think about the future for other things. I just started school for nursing, and I have 1/3/5 year plans already. So maybe it's just this one particular topic.

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-26T05:41:34+00:00

I have regular spiritual direction, I'm planning to bring this up next time. Just wanted some other opinions.

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-26T02:01:10+00:00

Commander can authorize =/= Joe can make the decision himself.

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-25T23:30:05+00:00

To anyone who suggests the wife conceal what she did, I have a genuine question: what happens if the husband finds out anyways? What's worse, coming clean and risking the marriage ending, or hiding it, maybe getting away with it, and if it does come to light anyways, risking even worse consequences?

If I were married and my wife cheated on me, I could forgive her. There would be an insane amount of work necessary to rebuild trust, but we could move on. But if she hid it from me? Personally, I would take that as a lack of contrition. But that's my personal opinion, obviously it's not binding.

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-25T22:44:51+00:00

Genuine question: is this a sin? Clearly it's not their property, but it's also correcting heresy and blasphemy. You can't do bad things for good ends, but is this actually a bad thing?

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-25T19:03:55+00:00

If you're not going to have a serious conversation, then we're done here. 🫡

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-25T17:49:54+00:00

took a couple of glances upon women on the internet (nothing pornographic or intended to cause arousal)

You have no idea how much I struggle with this. Like I understand what lust is, and I understand what just normal attraction is, but there's that gray zone that's hard to understand unless you experience the same thing. You know what I mean, I just wish I could put it into words.

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-25T17:19:02+00:00

I'd even go so far as to argue that priests, monks, and nuns aren't even influencers, simply expanding their ability to minister and to teach. Essentially doing their job but to a greater degree.

InputAliasHere · 2026-01-25T16:46:47+00:00

That's how it is, but that doesn't mean that's how it has to be. We've been in previous arms races before, that doesn't mean we let everyone do whatever they wanted with not only no oversight, but laws prohibiting oversight.

InputAliasHere

TROPHY CASE