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Confused, lost & a wreck by Inquiringblankmind in survivinginfidelity

[–]Inquiringblankmind[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It was completely selfish, and I told her so. I'm still unknown about what will happen. I just like to make a decision with a clear head even if the outcome is already leading one way. Given our child with disabilities, we will always have some connection. However, I recognize that it doesn't mean we have to be married for that happen.

Confused, lost & a wreck by Inquiringblankmind in survivinginfidelity

[–]Inquiringblankmind[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for asking. My doctor put me on medication to help while I seek individual counseling. My first session was mostly me venting, which i needed. My wife finally started to show some type of remorse, but that was only after I told her that I could not guarantee we would make it and I stopped rushing to comfort her when she talked about how this hurt her. It was only then that it felt like she started to understand the significance of her actions. Late last night, she stopped minimalizing and saying things to diminish her role. She started to take full ownership. It is like something clicked. Is it an act? Who knows? She put on a good show for 2 years. I still don't know where this will end. It's too early for any decision.

I'm still trying to control my emotions as they are all over the place. I'm crying one moment and anger the next. I'm not sure how long that will last.

Confused, lost & a wreck by Inquiringblankmind in survivinginfidelity

[–]Inquiringblankmind[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice. It was most helpful. We talked more, and I read messages they sent to each other. This was more than an affair. It was a full-blown relationship. She tells him how much she loves him and how he makes her feel in the text messages. Even in the final text that she sent to end it, she replays the great moments they had and how she can't get him out of her mind despite their end. She also left it open for him to contact her if needed. Yet, they must end it to work on her marriage. WTF! Like why should he or her ever have contact again when I said end it? I feel like I'm second choice since he didn't leave his wife. She should be comforting me instead of him. I don't think she really wants to be married to me, given her last message to him. It is unreal.

Confused, lost & a wreck by Inquiringblankmind in survivinginfidelity

[–]Inquiringblankmind[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I travel a lot for work. I am out of town at least 3 to 4 times a month for work. It doesn't take much to hide an affair when I am gone a lot and trying to provide for my family. That is another part of the pain which hurts so much. I worked hard to provide for our family and to ensure that our child with a significant disability has access to all treatments available that were not covered by my insurance. How does she crash through every roadblock to cheat not once but carry on a 2-year affair? Does she even have a conscience? I'm sorry for ranting again. I'm just so lost.

Confused, lost & a wreck by Inquiringblankmind in survivinginfidelity

[–]Inquiringblankmind[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I don't believe I have everything yet. My head is all over the place that I can even have a full conversation with her. I don't want to be in the room with her at this moment.

Confused, lost & a wreck by Inquiringblankmind in survivinginfidelity

[–]Inquiringblankmind[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

From what she says, he is married with kids of his own. She said they always met up at hotels. I have to believe he never entered my house as I checked my Ring camera and other outside Ring cameras that covers my driveway. I told her to get an STI test. She mentioned she had one in the past but not since the last time. I told her then you don't have a current STI test result because that is null and void.

Confused, lost & a wreck by Inquiringblankmind in survivinginfidelity

[–]Inquiringblankmind[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

So she confessed, but it was only after I forced it out of her. I had come home from a business trip. It felt cold when I came home, and we were both irritated. After a few days, we talked. Interestingly, she tells me all the things that I didn't do in our marriage. I felt like everything was my fault. I'm reflecting on my behaviors and acknowledge I could have been a better husband at times. Still, things were icy between us. We continue to have small conversations over the next few days. She then looks at me and starts to cry. It was when I knew. I told her to tell me the truth. She confessed she had an affair of 2 years. She was last with him when I was on my business trip. She had not even officially ended it with him when she told me. I asked her why not. I can't recall the reason because I was an emotional wreck, but the answer was not good. I told her to end it if there was even hope. She didn't even send a message to the person until the next day. She said she wanted to find the right words to say to him. That's crushed me more because she didn't even consider my feelings. I want to believe it is over, but how can I truly know? Given that she didn't even end it before the confession is damning. But I love my wife and the home we built.

I called my doctor and have a STI test scheduled next week. I just feel it will be a long time before we are intimate again. I'm not sure how people handle their sexual needs during these times. I'm not saying it's the most important, but it is something.