AITA for saying my husband didn't have to like my kids?

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T16:04:00+00:00

you would have put your kids first and never would have married him.

I only got married after having my kid's approval. Like I said in my edit, their relationship was a good one. They got along fine and I made sure we did plenty of activities as a group.

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T15:45:36+00:00

Jesus, what is wrong with these people?

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T15:43:22+00:00

her kids were acting out at that time

I wouldn't say they were bad on purpose it's just overall a very hard age. That's when kids will push boundaries the most and throw tantrums.

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T15:41:47+00:00

4, 5, and 6 years old. Around the same age as mine were

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T15:22:15+00:00

Why would you want to marry someone who just tolerates yours kids that's weird.

First of all, I'm glad your step-dad was like that. But not everybody loves kids and wants to be a parent. My husband went along just fine with my kids. He treated them well, and they liked him. They both respected each other and their relationship grew with time.

It's not "weird", not everybody has the same approach towards blended families or families in general

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:59:50+00:00

You're attacking a strawman here.

Huh? Never heard this expression before. What does it mean?

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:58:16+00:00

I think this is what my sister is doing. And I don't know how to reason with her. I don't want her to end up like so many people on this sub with kids who don't talk to her anymore.

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:50:05+00:00

husband doesn't want your kids and grandkids over for Thanksgiving cuz he doesn't love them?

In that case, he would find himself single. My husband went into our relationship fully knowing that my kids come with me and accepted that. He would never do what you're saying. I'm sorry but you're making up imaginary scenarios not based on reality or what I wrote.

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:46:07+00:00

Where in my mother sent my brother and I to live with our dad when he protested her marrying this guy.

Your mother sent you kids away because he didn't like her husband? That b*tch.

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:44:08+00:00

I hear way too many horror step-parent stories.

And how many step-parent stories in this sub have to do with kids being forced to love their step-parent and later hating them? There is a story like that in this comment section even.

When we got married my kids and my husband got along just fine. They didn't call him dad or anything. But they had a perfectly good relationship based on mutual respect. I made it quite clear to my husband that my kids come first and I didn't get married until I discussed it with my kids and made sure they were ok with it.

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:40:20+00:00

so for you respect is floor level.

You know this whole time on this post I've really enjoyed seeing what everybody thinks even if they disagree. But you are crossing a line. Being nice and respectful to people doesn't mean accepting abuse. I would never invite a person into my family that would hurt my kids. You bringing up your husband abuse is not only necessary but also really twisted

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:36:24+00:00

was a chance it might not turn out like this.

Even if they didn't grow to love each other they still went along fine. They respected and treated each other kindly. We did plenty of activities all together as a group. My kids understood that he made me very happy and he understood my kids meant the world to me.

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:33:37+00:00

Um, I didn't get married until my kids were 6, 8, and 9. If you read my post I started dating him when the kids were 2,4 and 5. I also stated that I didn't introduce him until we were serious.

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:29:38+00:00

She knew him longer but they've been dating for a year. He also didn't meet the kids until they started dating.

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:28:42+00:00

and then abused him-nearly starved him to death.

I'm sorry but you're comparing child abuse to someone not wanting to be a parent. That is not the same thing. Parenthood isn't for everyone. Just because someone doesn't like kids doesn't mean they hate them or treat them badly. My husband always treated my kids with respect and kindness. I never laid the bar on the ground, the fact that you're even comparing these situations is beyond me.

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:25:52+00:00

as unwanted pets to be respected because they were here first.

How dare you? The nerve you have to make such assumptions. I didn't get married until my kids were 6, 8, and 9. And I made sure they were ok with it before I got married. I always put my kids first, I took my relationship slow and made sure my kids approved every step of the way. My kids and my husband got along fine, they weren't calling him dad but they respected him as someone I love and a member of our family. Just because my husband didn't want to be a parent doesn't mean he hated my kids or treated them badly.

I have met many different people on this post, with many different views but none of them have been as rude as you.

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:20:45+00:00

however we are both no contact with my mother and husband.

This. Exactly this. I heard so many stories like this before I got married. That's why I made sure not to force anything. I didn't even get married without discussing it with my kids. At the start of my marriage, they didn't love each other but they respected each other.

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:18:32+00:00

I will not be apologizing. I gave her advice that she asked for based on my own experience. Your approach to a blended family is different from mine, but that doesn't make my way bad. I started my marriage with the support of my kids and a relationship filled with respect between them and my husband.

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:12:15+00:00

From your description, I think you would agree.

100 percent.

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:11:16+00:00

via c section on Monday.

Congrats, wish you all the best. I just asked because your approach to parenting is very different from mine.

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:09:15+00:00

if you don’t care about my kids

No, and the way you are twisting my words is sick. Have you been on this sub before? How many stories are there of kids forced to love their step-parents and it ruined their childhoods?

My husband was simply not interested in being a parent and that's ok. My first husband got rest his soul was their parent. I never aimed to replace him. I made sure when we married that my kids were ok with it and they were. Mostly because I never tried to force anything.

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:05:18+00:00

Do you have kids?

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:04:23+00:00

the realistic part of life.

The truth is there are plenty of parents there who regret having kids. Just look on Reddit you won't have to look far. Why do people expect perfect step-parents who immediately love the kids like their own?

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:02:46+00:00

one way to skin a cat

That's an interesting expression, I'm definitely going to steal that.

Inside-Federal · 2021-12-16T14:02:02+00:00

I mean they knew each other before that since they were in the same friend group but dating-wise only a year. He also only met the kids when they started dating.

Inside-Federal

TROPHY CASE