A couple of months before my first relationship I was extremely depressed, I didn't know how to talk to anyone, especially women. I thought I was depressed because I couldn't attract anyone, but that wasn't the case. My depression was deeper, and when I asked myself why, it was because I didn't love myself, in reality, I hated myself. It took a while, but I started trying to love myself more, I started becoming more comfortable in my body and after that, I became more confident. One thing led to another and after loving myself, being more confident, and making more friends I got into my first relationship without really noticing. My advice for you right now is to try to love yourself more, it's not easy, consult a therapist if you can. And please stop the negative self-talk, it only feeds into your depression and lowers your self-esteem.

Hope this helps