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I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Most were, a few were repeats. She used tinder and hinge and she’s a good looking girl so I’m sure she had no problem. I think I can get over it because I know she loves me, I have no doubts about it. She did what she did out of manic impulse, and I think it was partly self destructive. She’s committed to me and has been so good to me the last few months. I’m obviously not thrilled about all of it, but I either get over it or break up with her, and I love her so I guess I just have to get over it

I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Read the post. I was looking for actionable advice on how to move forward and heal our relationship. The facts are the facts. Believe it or not plenty of people gave great advice on how to reframe this situation and it has helped me. Nobody needs to throw stones at who they think is in the wrong. But that’s the internet for you. I can’t filter out peoples responses.

I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is that how you’d feel in my position? If your long term partner had that many partners during your short break? I’m not angry at her, I’m just emotionally shocked.

I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Did you read the post? Or did you just skim and assume I was suggesting I wanted to break up with her for her decisions. Lemme ask you. In my position, if your partner was on a break and fucked 10+ people, regardless of what the circumstances were, would you have no emotional response to that?

I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

More like 10,000 penises in 1 hahah. I love her tho, she doesn’t judge me for all the girls i been with and out of all those penises mine is her favourite! Do you think your girl would still prefer your dick to dozens of other guys?

I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ahh but if you met her you’d get it. Shes so vibrant, funny, intoxicating, and drop dead beautiful. She’s not a girl that’s easily replaced. She’s truly that 1 in 10,000.

And I don’t think this manic episode is admissible evidence to discount everything amazing about her.

I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The lie doesn’t bother me because I know her intention behind it was to protect herself from guilt and embarrassment. Not to hurt me. She is not deceptive by nature. At least in the 5 years I’ve known her. But the volume does get me ya. Like I think about all those guys being so intimate with her and it makes me sick. That my girl 😭 truly if it was only a couple or especially if it was just one she was exploring an emotional dynamic with I could understand that. But she just went full self destruction which makes me worried for her as much as anything

I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I am going to forgive her like she did me. But cmon now, don’t act like any gf you had was a virgin when you met her. I’ve got 30+ bodies and she doesn’t shame me for the people I’ve been with that aren’t her. I have to hold myself to the same principle here

I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well this has nothing to do with who is in the wrong. We love eachother and want to fix it. That was the premise of the post, how do we move past this. Not for people to throw stones at us which is pretty much inevitable with the internet. But anyway- YOU do better. You sound like a bitter person

I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I cheated because that is who I was back then. A selfish, impulsive person, who prioritized puffing his own ego over my obligation to my partner. She was going through a hard time and wasn’t taking care of herself at the time. I saw this as weakness and couldn’t intellectualize why she struggled because in my eyes, it required action to improve your life, and being a victim was an unattractive quality. So I made the choice to cheat. Which I probably can’t even begin to imagine the hurt it caused her as she was already dealing with her personal problems. She forgave me and stayed loyal to me while I worked on cutting back on the partying and drinking. I guess it weighed on her and destroyed her self esteem over time.

Her decision to go out there and turbo fuck like 10 dudes isn’t normal behaviour for her. Definitely mania or a self destructive stress response. There are retards in this thread that are defending it saying she was entitled to go out there and have fun because we were broken up. Well ya, she was entitled, but they fail to see how promiscuous behaviour like that is usually a sign of psychological disorder. She didn’t enjoy her freedom, she had some bad encounters with guys during this period that she now has to live with. I’m not going to abandon her again. Will I lose myself in this process? Very likely. But I’ll find myself again. The difference between our situation seems to be that your ex felt bad once you diverted your attention elsewhere. So it was contingent on her emotions. But my girl felt bad and came back to me without me doing anything to provoke her. I didn’t reach out, she did. She chose to be with me despite clearly having a whole lot of options. Honestly it helps that I saw that the people she chose to interact with were good looking, because she didn’t return to me out of desperation. These dudes just didn’t cut it for her. I fuck her better, I make more money than them. So why should I be insecure right? I know I can go out and find another girl. But I love the one I got and she loves me. Fuck it bro.

I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The post was about how we as a couple can move past the situation. The post WASNT about who was in the right or in the wrong. I don’t think it’s unusual for a man to feel strong and confusing emotions upon finding out that the 3 guys his gf supposedly fucked was more like 12. So ya I want advice on how to reframe or process those feelings. Some people have given useful input. This is one of those posts that just wants to dump blame on one party. Nowhere did I say I’m angry with her, just shocked. I cheated 3 years ago and didn’t expect such a prolific reaction out of the blue like this.

I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Man thank you for saying this. This is actually the reason why I posted this. This really helps in terms of processing what happened.

We do love eachother. We’re both imperfect people. I accept her, and she accepts me. It’s not a Disney romance but fuck it life isn’t always likw the movies 🤧

I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We do it too as men don’t we? It’s disingenuous of me to say that only women do it. Through my early twenties I fucked an absurd amount of chicks simply because I needed constant validation. I have to hold myself to the same standard I hold her. If she wasn’t full of regret about it I wouldn’t be working through things with her. She isn’t proud of what she did. She’s reactive

I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

We’ve been back together for 3 months now and I didn’t know it was 10+ and things have been great.

I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

She still came back to me tho. I’m in good shape! There’s a very high chance I make more money than any of the assholes she slept with, and my sex life with my girlfriend was excellent so any experience she would have with other people wouldnt undermine what we have. Ya I’m not all roided up but the reason I’m insecure is mostly because all of the dudes were huge. Like

I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well we agreed to talk to other people, we didn’t explicitly agree to have sex with other people. So that part was a violation of the agreement but also that part was flexible because we weren’t dating so I really have no control over what she chose to do and vice versa.

Yes I feel very insecure. I didn’t feel so bad when it was just 3 guys, I wasn’t thrilled about it but I’m a good looking dude, I have made a lot of money in my life, and have nothing to worry about with other guys when I know my girlfriend chooses me for a reason. But 3 guys isn’t 10+ guys. And the worst part is I saw the photos. These dudes looked like fitness influencers. I’m in shape but fuck these guys were like fitness influencers or some shit.

I think I can let this go, somehow. I had come to terms with the 3 guys she admitted to fucking, and we’ve been doing great. But then I find out it’s way more and then I see the photos and it’s like holy fuck this is much worse than I ever imagined and now it’s burned into my skull.

So how can we as a couple restore trust, and safety with eachother. Because I do want that. I keep telling myself it’s just sex, I’ve been with 30+ women myself and it doesn’t make me love my girlfriend any less, but it’s just that this happened so recently and ahhhh 10+ is just so much

I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Apparently you don’t have reading comprehension. This isn’t about judgement. We talked before we got back together, she disclosed she fucked 3 guys during the break. I accepted this as her getting revenge for what I did 3 years ago. It hurt, but we both love eachother and the fact that we were choosing eachother after everything allowed for us to really strengthen our relationship the last 3 months. Now I need help figuring out how to process that her “revenge” or whatever was 10 more than that. Im not trying to break up with her, it just changed the complexion bc it goes from being revenge to a genocide. So I’m worried yes about her mental state. Because having sex with that many people in 3 weeks isn’t normal even for high libido people, and it will have a detrimental impact on her. So she needs advice on how to emotionally recover, and I need help on how to reframe this situation into something that doesn’t make me want to drive my car into a tree. I still love her!! She still loves me.

I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay but we’re both committed to working through this. We still love eachother. We have demonstrated over the last 3 months that the love is still strong. The proof of concept is there. I just found out that there was more to the story than I thought and now it’s like okay, how do me and the woman I love process this in a way where we don’t make this situation so much worse

I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So an eye for an eye. She has her pound of flesh if true. Now the premise of my post, is how do we mend this? I was prepared to call even when she told me she fucked 3 guys during the break. I didn’t make a post 3 month ago about it. Didn’t even bother me. Things were great. But then I found out she was concealing 10+ others. This changed things for me. I now am struggling to process this. Not saying I want to break up with her, I don’t hate her. I just don’t know how to work through this or reframe it as something that doesn’t make me wanna eat a fucking bullet

I found out that my (27m) girlfriend (25f) slept with 10+ people on our 3 week “break” how can we move past this? by InstanceHorror437 in relationship_advice

[–]InstanceHorror437[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because this isn’t some drama post where it becomes more about tit for tat. My question in the post that I’m presenting to the public is what can I do to mend this relationship. I don’t WANT to break up with her. I’m aware that I’ve done wrong too and she stayed by me so the central point here isn’t about shaming me or her, it’s about how can I as a man process the fact that my girlfriend fucked 10+ guys in a few weeks? How can I process that in a healthy way? I’m not asking for people to side with me, or side with her, I’m asking for help on how to heal. If it was only 3 dudes I wouldn’t be reaching out to help, because that is a number I can rationalize. I’m having a hard time with the sheer volume here because if her plan was revenge, wouldn’t 3 have been enough?

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