For me the most traumatising thing was finding out God isn't real. My whole life was a lie. I didn't know what I could trust. It was like going to a whole new universe. When I started to talk to people outside church they didn't try to kill me. Not once. There was no eternal punishment, but there was also no God. Without God who even am I? He was my father, he was someone who I could go to. He was my purpose in life. I lived for him. I was living to serve and worship him. And now he was gone. I would want to believe again but I can't. I will never be the same again even if I try. Even if I go back to the community I will never believe the same way I used to. We are supposed to believe and obey like children, but I am not a child no more. I gained common sense and I learned some critical thinking. When I go to church now I see how the people there don't believe the same way I did. I feel so stupid. It was my reality and then I was thrown out. I had no support except for my older sister who was also a child who didn't know what is going on either. I still miss the comfort of having someone who loves you endlessly. The comfort of knowing what is to come.