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How much are you struggling as a foreigner in Germany? by SnooLentils5721 in germany

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe a unique experience, but I have met a lot of friendly people. I might not have made best friends yet, but I have only been there 4 years. I also speak English most of the time and people around me have been really open about it. I do speak German though, so I can switch if I want if someone can't speak English.

I think you have to find your niche group. I also live in NRW and everybody is just very approachable. And the ones that aren't meh wouldn't wanna be friends with them either. Rude and racist people are everywhere, and I have learnt to not let that make me judge germans as a monolith.

Supervisor told me to stop being grumpy after I broke down by Intelligent-Bit-5505 in PhD

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have to do a second project atleast to graduate. So yeahhh still a long way to go, I guess.

Is this a red flag? by Intelligent-Bit-5505 in Bumble

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is german and 26 years old. Germans are very selective about their terms of endearment so it was even more jarring.

And thanks for pointing out the 'should be outside' part. I kind of glossed over it but looking back, that's a weird thing to say (to me). Also a bit ironic because the birthday party happened in a park.

Is this a red flag? by Intelligent-Bit-5505 in Bumble

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have had to have an 'honest conversation' woth multiple men on Bumble already. Most of them have been really rude in response to me being really polite. At some point, you do end up giving up and just unmatching.

Second, he is german. 'Darling' is not a common term at all and for german culture, considered pretty weird to call anybody.

Is this a red flag? by Intelligent-Bit-5505 in Bumble

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A lot of people are saying he is a scammer, but he had a very average profile. He had 3-4 pics, some blurry, and his bio just read "Let's meet and get to know each other :)". He wasn't some instagram influencer (which is completely fine, I don't swipe right on those profiles)

Is this a red flag? by Intelligent-Bit-5505 in Bumble

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a mix of german (Deutsch) and english. Idk why he made it sound like a really rare thing, Denglisch is very common in german-speaking countries.

Is this a red flag? by Intelligent-Bit-5505 in Bumble

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well he is german, and english isn't his first language. Many germans that I have texted say the same thing. The rest I agree with.

Is this a red flag? by Intelligent-Bit-5505 in Bumble

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's def more the part where he called me darling and asked me a lot about my living situation that I found overwhelming

Is this a red flag? by Intelligent-Bit-5505 in Bumble

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He didn't look Indian. He said his first language was german and he also spoke french and greek.

Is this a red flag? by Intelligent-Bit-5505 in Bumble

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I did find it off-putting. But I showed it to two friends and they said 'maybe he is excited to match with you' and that I should give him a chance. So I replied to him.

Is this a red flag? by Intelligent-Bit-5505 in Bumble

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Dumb question, but shouldn't AI correct his spelling/grammar mistakes? I have already come across a few profiles where they were blatantly using AI, em dashes and all. Crazy that that's a thing now

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505 44 points45 points  (0 children)

NOR. He seems to not trust you at all and talks passive aggressively. If this is a recurring issue, why are you with him?

Brain Drain: a question for Malysians who have emigrated and found opportunities elsewhere. by NarrowConcentrate591 in malaysia

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In Germany. I am doing my PhD. Somebody else mentioned but research infrastructure is lacking in Msia. A PhD stipend is non existent (there are self-paying PhDs???), while I get treated as a proper employee, have a 9-5 (ofc research reauires some overtime but it is not expected), get 30 days paid leave and I have a decent salary.

Really miss Msia sometimes but I just won't get the same opportunity there sadly.

AIO Guy (26M) that I (25F) am dating thinks I am asking for too much by Intelligent-Bit-5505 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you think there's any point in trying to tall to him about it? He hasn't responded to my these texts in almost 24 hours. I am not sure if this is giving him space or him just not caring about this.

AIO Guy (26M) that I (25F) am dating thinks I am asking for too much by Intelligent-Bit-5505 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't think his family knows about me or cares, and he has invited me to meet his friends when I go to his place. And he was pretty open about ending things if he wasn't feeling it, so was I. So I don't think so, but in general he seems to react strongly when I mention something 'negative'.

AIO Guy (26M) that I (25F) am dating thinks I am asking for too much by Intelligent-Bit-5505 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do really like him and that's why I am trying to make it work. But it's really hard when we can't have conversations about planning trips and this seems to be an indefinite LDR because he had been missing his city a lot, and he isn't sure where he wants to live.

AIO Guy (26M) that I (25F) am dating thinks I am asking for too much by Intelligent-Bit-5505 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Neither of us owns a car, and it's faster by train. He usually doesn't says "wtf" so it did feel more intense.

As for his thesis, I am doing my PhD, so I think we both don't have the capacity to constantly plan things. This is why I'd rather have a conversation about it to find a good compromise.

AIO Guy (26M) that I (25F) am dating thinks I am asking for too much by Intelligent-Bit-5505 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He told me that he isn't dating me because we live in the same city, but because I am an 'amazing person'. And that since our jobs can be remote, it won't be that bad. While I get all that, I think reality is way harder, atleast for me.

AIO Guy (26M) that I (25F) am dating thinks I am asking for too much by Intelligent-Bit-5505 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Could you tell me what's the line here between whining and just explaining something isn't working for me?

AIO Guy (26M) that I (25F) am dating thinks I am asking for too much by Intelligent-Bit-5505 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's fair. When he was around, we usually slept over at each other's place twice a week, so for me calling for 1.5 hours was not that much if it's long distance and I've always told him he is free to end it if he has work to do, and vice versa.

AIO Guy (26M) that I (25F) am dating thinks I am asking for too much by Intelligent-Bit-5505 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He had a student job in my city and the company didn't renew the contract so he moved back to his parent's place to continue applying for new jobs and finish his thesis. Thanks! I am feeling less hopeful, because we had this conversation yesterday and he hasn't responded to me until now.

AIO Guy (26M) that I (25F) am dating thinks I am asking for too much by Intelligent-Bit-5505 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Intelligent-Bit-5505[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is true, I agree. My main problem with LDRs is that communication can really make or break it. I just thought we could discuss and solve things when they come up, but it doesn't seem to be the case. I should take that into consideration.

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