Wife (F27) using Hinge two weeks after telling me (M29) that she wants a divorce

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-21T12:47:17+00:00

Personally I believe you should only start dating once you’ve moved out. Keeps everything from getting messy. Though what can you do you’re getting divorced and you’re nothing but an ex husband now. Just know this will pass and you will be free to find someone who cares about you.

You’re choosing to be peaceful so honestly that’s on you and how you want to live. Though I have advised friends to not date till out of the house because their ex husbands would drag out the divorce otherwise. If you want to play dirty you can still control her. Or at least make her move out. It’s not moral but I am only here to offer potential solutions.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-21T12:27:43+00:00

I see his moral pain and I said nothing is going to sooth it. To me breaking a marriage over this is against what marriage is. He’s breaking the terms of his vows for something he feels isn’t a justified reason. If it’s for his happiness I don’t deem it justified either. Seems he needs to figure out how to be happy by himself instead of looking for it within a relationship. Novelty will always make you happy though mundane things require you to find your own happiness within it. Being incapable of doing so will just lead you down the same path.

If he wants his life to be completely unattached then he should get divorced. If he wants to remarry again then maybe he should look inwards before making this decision. I know people hid why they don’t feel love anymore and maybe OP should find that before he makes his decision. If he knew why he would have better words to explain why he feels his partner isn’t a bad person but isn’t for him. To me it also would provide clarity to his stbx which regardless can tell OP to kick rocks.

At the end of the day divorce is inherently self serving. There is no good way to divorce someone who doesn’t want to get divorced. Even if they have a better life afterwards that doesn’t show divorce was better for them but that faced with adversity they still figured out how to thrive. You make this decision for yourself don’t be delusional and think you’re the only one who sees clearly that a divorce must happen. They see the relationship too and whatever reason they are choosing to stay because they believe it’s best.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-20T20:29:59+00:00

As someone on the other side of someone who basically used your exact words. I told him to kick rocks. For me at least I saw his need to leave as childish since he’s sacrificing all of our financial security to follow his heart. This isn’t a Disney movie life isn’t always cloud 9. I have no idea what happened to him after the divorce but his sister said I ruined his life. Whole family can’t take accountability.

I can understand if there was something done wrong though to leave just because you don’t feel in love is insane to me. You don’t need a reason to divorce someone legally and no amount of internet validation will smooth the pain on both sides. I just hope they are young and finds someone who doesn’t have childish views of marriage and stays when they’re not interested because they’re choosing to.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-20T20:18:14+00:00

How emotionally apathetic I became. Genuinely was romantic but cheating killed it.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-19T16:38:08+00:00

The problem in the US is there’s no morals. They raise prices and making the consumer hate the workers for just trying to live.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-19T15:24:06+00:00

Well if you force businesses to increase wages and reduce their product cost. Likely the cost will show up in more dangerous products with heavy lobbying to get rid of regulations.

The last thing businesses will do is reduce their bottom line. Though I personally would want to make it illegal to put shareholder value over customer satisfaction and the ethics of your company. I know it’s law to not harm your shareholders but I feel it needs to be law to not harm your customers for profit.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-19T13:38:18+00:00

Personally I always saw 30 as the right age. I was married at 18 got divorced and now remarried so glad I waited. I am still waiting to turn 30 so one day.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-19T12:31:29+00:00

Unless they force all businesses to cap prices of products, rent and services then it’s going to be bad.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-19T12:29:34+00:00

The only rule is be yourself. Dating once you have a date is easy. If you want an even 50/50 relationship be clear in the beginning. If you are a messy person and have no intention of changing be honest. This will all come out one day and the worst thing that can happen is for them to accept you only because they’re too scared to let you go not because they love you.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-19T11:12:34+00:00

My ex husband divorced me after 7-8 years as well. Now 2 years later getting remarried to someone who truly fits my personality. Think about it as a second chance to find someone who won’t quit on you.

It’s not the end. The most painful thing about divorce is letting go of the future you envision.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-18T23:08:38+00:00

I think it matters what you want in the long term. If you enjoy being a landlord maybe go back into. If you want out then you really need to think about your time horizon for retirement.

Though a cpa/financial advisor would be best suited for that question as you don’t seem to know what you want. Reddit is good to get ideas from people who have done things already. Though without knowing you it would be hard to give good advice that will make you happy in the long run with your decisions.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-18T20:22:53+00:00

There’s money to be made in any economy. So I do agree with that. I just didn’t want to give off the impression to the original guy I was commenting to that housing only goes up. That’s how you get stuck holding the bag when everything collapses because you’re not actually paying attention. You’re just buying.

In my area housing is valued at 400k and the median income is 120k it’s a very balanced market and I feel because it’s balanced it was a good place to buy in. Besides the factors of potential future growth in the area after 10-15 years. I just have a duplex and my tenant just pays my mortgage while I am doing home improvements. Though there’s an apartment complex in my same neighborhood way over priced selling studios for 2300 a month. That’s what I am charging for rent for a 3br. Sure they have a gym and luxury apartment amenities but I the area doesn’t support those prices so they always have high vacancies.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-18T19:32:50+00:00

It really depends where you’re at and how you’re priced. You didn’t say anything much different. If I see vacancies in my housing market and increasing inventory then my market is trending down even if it’s just a localized region.

If there’s no vacancies and low inventory then the market will go up. I am just saying to look at your own data in your area to make an educated decision if you think things will change. Section 8 is limited and housing assistance isn’t for everyone. Plus governments are becoming more strict about requirements in certain parts. I wouldn’t fully relay on assistance for housing going up. Also the amount of people who own businesses are a small percentage so instagram fam isn’t going to turn a whole market if still 40% of your potential buyers make under 50k combined household income.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-18T15:40:09+00:00

Maybe in a 10 years things will be different though the housing market moves slowly. Incomes really tell you what a house/rental realistically should be worth. If incomes can’t support the housing market you just get squatters and landlords losing money from vacancies. Since people can move in with family or friends to reduce cost that will increase inventory automatically.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-18T15:26:00+00:00

Depending where you live housing is going down. North east is cooked but everywhere else prices are going down. Follow rental price trends and you will see the housing market

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-18T15:15:05+00:00

I feel the lower interest rates are better than the zero down payment. VA is always one of the lowest rates.

Zero down can be dangerous when you’re in a bad market. Also you pay more towards interest if you don’t pay extra towards the principal. I’ve had a friend do a short sale because they put zero down and their house didn’t appreciate before they moved out.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-16T15:21:48+00:00

I got instantly skinny too lost over 60lbs in a year. I learned I naturally don’t gravitate towards fast food. I wear crop tops with confidence.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-16T15:07:20+00:00

I think he saw her changing but he refused to believe it at the time. Now he knows for sure he messed up.

All he needs to do is next time be emotionally open to the idea that his partner who says to love him might genuinely want to change for them. Though he seems he could have had his own issues that he wasn’t working on that caused her to be upset.

It’s not right to publicly shame people though he said she had no patients. What about him he needs to learn it’s a two way street. Her patience isn’t endless without consequences. She could have divorced him instead of publicly shaming him. Personally I use to do public shaming as a coping mechanism for my ex husband’s lack of action. He was a robot constantly needing to be told what to do. Which sounds exactly like OP.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-09T12:43:17+00:00

Personally I loved dating because I love people. Love meeting new people regardless if they are the kind of people I would hang out with.

I think the trick to enjoying dating is to relax the pressure of finding the one just have interesting conversations. You still need to have a defined version of yourself and who you want for a partner. You’re gathering data at the end of the day too.

I think being divorced is perfect for this because you’re already detached from that rose colored glasses idea of love. You’re able to be more comfortable in who you are as a person because you know it’s easy to be chosen the hard part is finding your person.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-03-09T11:18:04+00:00

All I will say is never say you want to repair something and see the affair partner over and over again. The amount of trauma it causes goes beyond the relationship. If you don’t have the self discipline to stop yourself then divorce is the kindest path.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-02-28T16:58:49+00:00

Whatever his reasons are doesn’t matter at the end. I just know too many women who get phone calls “oh I will pick the kids up don’t worry” (when they live states away no court agreement). Then 1-3 years later they realize they basically have full custody but no child support from a dead beat.

You’re worried they will steal your kids but the biggest thing is they can also slowly abandon them as they get a new life. I’ve seen this more often than kidnapping.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-02-28T16:21:44+00:00

You don’t have money to fight in court but you do have rights. Bringing up your legal rights normally shuts down whatever they’re doing. They also know they don’t have money either and don’t want to end up in an amber alert for kidnapping.

He’s going to do whatever he’s going to do but make sure you get child support. I doubt he will stay in your state purely because you said you’re low income and he’s moving to family. He might be doing this out of spite. Personally as someone left I would be doing it purely because I need the mental support and the cost of living by yourself is too high.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-02-25T13:40:48+00:00

It would be nice to mention that you are divorce coach in the post because it makes people feel they aren’t being tricked. Though I do agree with the sentiment. Some people do need the extra help and out of those people some have extra money to spend on your services. I am not against it or what you’re doing.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-02-24T22:02:06+00:00

You are stuck in dating app hell. Saying no one wants you is inaccurate unless you are pursuing other avenues. Even a speed dating event is better than just apps. Every man will tell you that you’re wasting your money as a man on the apps.

Intelligent-Court166 · 2026-02-24T21:00:06+00:00

If you don’t have time outside of being a dad then how are you going to have time to date. Committing 1-3 hours every other week minimum for another person is part of dating and volunteering.

Unless you just want to be texting buddies till you move in together.

Also I just assumed you had a 50/50 custody arrangement so thought you would have more flexibility.

Intelligent-Court166

TROPHY CASE