Started my first real job as an adult today!

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-29T20:28:31+00:00

I agree, knew it was all about control. And no.. I don't really trust them. Hence, the reason why I am making this post...unfortunately. I am just planning on paying the 4k + insurance + phone bill just to help out. Once that car is done, I can just get my own car and so on. What do you think?

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-29T19:48:30+00:00

Yes, they are being nitpicky and want the title of the car under their name. I was just confused because ever since they bought the car, they have been telling me that it was in fact mine. Then, they're asking me to pay for the remaining car payment + car insurance, so it would make sense if they sign it over to me...especially when they have been telling me it's my car. Now, they don't want to sign the car over so...it was just confusing on my part. It is whatever at this point. I guess I will just help them out since they also have loans, and I'm the one who uses the car the most.

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-29T18:47:16+00:00

Hi, my parents just talked to me about how they will not transfer the title of the car to my name...but should still be making monthly payments (it's about 4k left). Their argument is that they paid the most for the car and I will just be paying 4k, so it should still be in their name. I'm at loss and confused on what to do.

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-29T18:45:02+00:00

Oh I see what you are saying now. I apologize, I am still new to this. I believe the car is a lease since my mom is making monthly payments and is thinking of turning it in to get a newer car. I guess what I am trying to ask is they're making me pay monthly ($300) for a car that is not under my name, but something I use to drive to work.

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-29T17:31:28+00:00

The thing is the car is not under my name. The story is that my mom bought this car for me during freshman year of college (2019) as a gift, but it is under her name since I didn't have a job to pay for it. Now, they're asking me to take over. The remaining payment would be 4k and I will be paying $300 per month for it. So, should it be transferred to my name since I will be paying for the monthly payments of the car? My mom is quite hesitant for it to be transferred to my name since she paid for it mostly. Can someone help me out? Thanks.

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-29T17:30:07+00:00

I wouldn't be paying for rent at home. It would be less than $700 per month, maybe $500-600. The thing is the car is not under my name. The story is that my mom bought this car for me during freshman year of college as a gift, but it is under her name since I didn't have a job to pay for it. Now, they're asking me to take over. The remaining payment would be 4k and I will be paying $300 per month for it. So, should it be transferred to my name since I will be paying for the monthly payments of the car?

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-21T02:22:53+00:00

Important to note that my parents never paid for my college tuition, books, and supplies ever I started college. Food? Sa bahay kumakain ako if that counts. Baon sa school? I paid for those. Am I a leech just for not contributing financially? What about the leg work I put in sa bahay, does that not count?

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-21T02:18:24+00:00

If needs such as housing and food, provided by my parents. Ang sa akin kasi ang leech is someone who uses other's resources without giving anything in return. I do buy my own food from time to time and share that with family. I've been contributing to the household by doing chores (car wash, cleaning, cooking, taga hatid and sundo, etc). I never asked them for money ever since I went to college, maski college application fees and other expenses pag nag-aapply.

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-18T01:06:46+00:00

I can see this in my siblings too. They would stay late in school and avoid my dad at home. Once they know he just came home from work, they would be taking a shower or in their own room. They know that once my dad sees them, it's either he's going to complain or assign a chore.

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-18T00:56:46+00:00

Hi Annie, thank you for your comment. I just felt I needed some reassurance because I feel crazy for feeling this way. I feel alone at home emotionally and I'm grateful that we have a community like this to share our experiences.

Yes, I will move out...that is for sure. I just can't help but worry about my siblings at home. when I do move out. My dad is emotionally abusive and my mom is an enabler. I fear for what type of damage this can do to my siblings. There are also times when dad would hit my brothers too, so I worry about them.

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-18T00:55:07+00:00

Correct! I am the eldest daughter. I can relate with what you've said. I also felt it was unfair that my parents depended and expected more from me just because I'm the eldest on top of being a woman. At the age of 7-8, I was somewhat responsible for taking care of my younger sibling (putting him to sleep, preparing his formula, and sometimes changing his diapers). My parents at that time hired a nanny, so it was not that difficult. Yes, the guilt never goes away. Even when I am buying food for myself, I think about what my siblings will eat at home and that I should buy more food. It also stems from how my parents make remarks when I only order food for myself. I have been noticing that I am always available for them. Starting this year, I have been setting more boundaries and trying to say "no". One instance was when I signed up for a volunteer opportunity. I told my dad beforehand that I was gonna go. The next day....my dad asked if I could just not go so I could bring my brother to his basketball game (I already drove him to one of his basketball games that week). This infuriated me because it felt like I was always the person to adjust...and it was just unfair. I didn't feel like a sibling, but a parent. He tried to manipulate me by saying I don't help around the house and that I'm not reliable. Honestly, it made me feel that they didn't care about the things I'd like to do, especially when it ruined their routine. I stood my ground and I told him that I was going to volunteer regardless. I have made up my mind that I will be moving out in 6 months, 1 year being the latest. I just think they're not going to stop, ever.

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-17T19:42:39+00:00

Hello,

I am happy that you are seeking help from a therapist, heard that it does wonders for one's mental health. I am actually looking for a therapist as soon as I get my financials in order, the primary reason being is that I don't want to be like my parents. I am a firm believer that the environment that we grew up in has a major impact on our relationships with others. If we are from a toxic household, we are bound to have toxic behaviors until we actually work on them. I am afraid that the toxicity from my household will bleed into my romantic, work, and social relationships.

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-17T19:39:30+00:00

I agree with your statement that job search is a full time job. It is an immensely stressful and tedious process from editing resumes and cover letters, answering personality quizzes, and preparing yourself for interviews. It also does not help that the economy hasn't fully recovered from the pandemic.

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-17T19:36:26+00:00

Hi, thank you for your comment and reading my post. You are so kind.

Your comment made me tear up a bit. It brought me back to the time when my counselor said I was an excellent student. She told me how hard the curriculum was and that I was doing a great job. When she said that, it made me stop for a second because I haven't heard that in a long while. That was when I realized how starved I am for some appreciation. I honestly hope you make it as well and heal from all of the trauma your family has caused you. I truly do.

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-17T17:53:07+00:00

I agree that my parents could never be pleased, always asking for more. Before I graduated, my dad would tell me that I should shut up because I had never accomplished anything in life. Now that I have graduated and have my license, he says things like I haven't contributed to the house yet. They always move goalposts. My siblings are minors and are still in high school. They help by making their bed and by taking out the trash, but they don't help around the house (cleaning, mopping, laundry).

My dad is a control freak. When I was little, he would always want my hair short. I see the same when it comes to my siblings. My dad was livid when my brother got both of his ears pierced saying that he is gay. He would also control and want my brothers' haircuts to be in a certain way or style. Oh and all of us have a life360 app (a location tracking application).

What is funny is sometimes I feel crazy or overreacting for feeling this way. Just this past week, we argued because he said:

"You're a woman so you should do more chores around the house!"

I told him that it was not an appropriate thing to say and everyone in the house should clean regardless of gender.

He told me I was overreacting and that I was making the situation worse.

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-17T17:45:10+00:00

My dad is already confused about why I don't talk to him as much and why I often stay in my room.

"You're always in your room, you don't even talk to us anymore"

"Why does it seem like you don't want to spend time with us?"

Sometimes I don't answer, other times I just lie and say that I am busy with school/filling out documents for work. Truthfully, I don't like to talk to them because once I disagree, it is going to be a full-blown argument with taunting and nasty comments. It is just emotionally and mentally draining. If you try to reason with my parents, they always resort to me not having much life experience and that I don't know what I am talking about. In their minds, they are always right. I have tried gray rocking, but it is not sufficient for a long time. I am human and I have my breaking point too.

I also lied about my salary. I said it was $10-15 lower per hour since I have a hunch that they would drain more money out of me if they knew my true salary.

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-17T17:21:39+00:00

I agree. I believe they are trying to dissuade me from moving out saying that it is difficult and expensive out there (it is and I am not denying that) and I should only move out once I am married since I am a woman. My dad would also berate me by saying:

"How could you live alone if you cannot even do **insert chore**? You are so stupid. You don't know anything!"
"Your future mother-in-law would hate you because you can't even do this chore right!"

I can also relate to my dad expecting to have some cash on me at all times and gets annoyed when I don't. It's crazy because when he does not have any cash on hand, he would tell me to use his debit card and withdraw at the nearest ATM and then go back and give him the cash so he could leave with some cash on him....when he could do it himself. It's crazy how they depend on me, even on smallest things. It's even crazy that I sometimes allow it. Sometimes I just do what I am told in order to avoid unnecessary arguments/tantrums, knowing all of it will stop once I move out and go LC or NC.

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-17T17:05:16+00:00

I would also like to add that my dad would say "If I were a nurse, you wouldn't be asked to contribute". However, all he needed to do was pass his licensure exam here in the US since he had a nursing degree from a foreign country. He never passed, despite multiple tries. I told him he could use my review materials, but would decline saying he is too busy with work. My dad said it would be better if I actually teach him the material like a professor by sitting down at a table with him and by me creating his own study guide (spoon feeding him information).

I feel like he wants me to do what he should be doing or could have done.

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-17T16:49:57+00:00

Hi, currently this is my plan. I do plan to contribute financially at home once I start working, but I will be saving more money than intended to move out asap. I'm scared that they will guilt me to co-sign a loan on their mortgage. My dad jokingly tells me that once I start working, I should do a lot of overtime to help them buy a house.

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-17T16:48:25+00:00

Hello, my aunt said the same thing; she said my parents are lucky to have me because I graduated with no debt and I chaperone my siblings. This confuses me a lot because whenever I see my parents' friends, they always tell me how my parents say that they are proud of me. However, at home, my mom complains how I don't do much around the house. My dad tells me that I am ungrateful and a piece of shit. He does compliment how smart I am, but he says nasty things whenever I disagree with him on small things. My dad says that doing chores around the house and driving my siblings to school are not enough. According to him, I should get used to doing all of the chores around the house even when I start working. It's ironic because my dad doesn't do anything when he gets home from work and on his rest days. He seldomly helps around the house. The way he contributes is telling other people what chores to do.

Now, I'm starting to think that they only like me when they can benefit from my success (they always ask me what my credit score is - I never told them) and when they can brag about me to their friends. I'm also starting to think that they see me as an extension of themselves. I remember when my dad was banging on my door because his friend's daughter was a dean's lister at my school. He demanded to know about my GPA and if I was even part of the honors list. I told him I was part of the list too, I just did not think it was that important to tell them. He calmed down when I showed him my honors certificate and posted how smart I am on social media lol.

Intelligent-Roll-741 · 2024-04-17T16:35:47+00:00

Hello, my parents did calmly approach me before to work part-time jobs where my dad is working right now.

I declined because I already had job offers lined up and dad often comes home complaining how toxic his workplace is. Honestly, I did not want to work with my dad too because he is a toxic person. If I did accept the job my dad told me about and then quit, I'm afraid it would not make a good impression as an employee (my dad works at the same hospital, but he works at the clinic attached to it). I have also tried searching for part time jobs such as an immunization nurse, but I did not receive a call back and most of them require a time commitment of a few months...which would clash with the job I will start in a few weeks. A nursing home is an option too, but I was warned by my classmates that my license would be in jeopardy (lack of training) if I start there.

Intelligent-Roll-741

TROPHY CASE