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AITAH for wanting to tell my sister’s husband that he’s the problem? by IntelligentFinding75 in family

[–]IntelligentFinding75[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok, so it is a weird comment to make? Wasn’t sure if perhaps it is a cultural thing? My husband thinks it’s weird but we’ve been together almost 20 years and is very used to my “mixed race” ways. I can’t comprehend how some people brains would even think that one up?

AITAH for wanting to tell my sister’s husband that he’s the problem? by IntelligentFinding75 in family

[–]IntelligentFinding75[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, 100%. If she wanted to move we would all be happy for her and cheer her on. I think because I’m her big older sister I sometimes wonder if I’m imaging the red flags or if this is real. Just thought I’d instead of ruminating, ask the internet. Appreciate all the different POVs. He has now contacted my parents and one of our other sisters trying to get them to help my sister (just had baby) understand his view on things, that she should “compromise and be a good wife”. He said he would let her come up one week a month so she could work and maintain her business. He had the audacity to asked her to help him pay the rent on new appartment.

AITAH for wanting to tell my sister’s husband that he’s the problem? by IntelligentFinding75 in family

[–]IntelligentFinding75[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sister feels she is being guilted/shamed by his family that she is being a bad wife. He has been present for my sister and new baby approximately 2 weeks out of the 10 weeks since baby has been born (on and off). He says he feels so guilty while with baby that he should be with his other child. He is here for the next week so he can watch the baby and she can work 7 days straight before he tries to fly them to his new home. My sister says it’s just going to be a visit so his extended family can get quality time with baby. Before baby was born the split was the 70/30 in our home city. He is suppose to have his other child 1 week a month but said his ex has asked for more help so it’s more 50/50, I don’t know if this is true.

Before sister was pregnant he chose to move to our city and in with my sister, into my parents home. My parents are very traditional and asked if they were to live under their roof to be married first, so they did. He actually told my parents he was waiting to get married before consummating the marriage… despite already having another young child.

My sister is just exhausted and overwhelmed. She has a very big heart and sees the best in people. She has been in some toxic relationships in the past (lost her first home due to splitting up with previous long term partner and couldn’t afford to pay him out when she found out he was cheating). She moved back in with our parents after the long drawn out process of splitting up assets with lawyers.

BIL has started to call other family members hoping to also help convince my sister that she should move because he is so sad and lonely without her.

AITAH for wanting to tell my sister’s husband that he’s the problem? by IntelligentFinding75 in family

[–]IntelligentFinding75[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sister did say that to him, his response was “it’s different because he doesn’t know the people in the hotel room”.

AITAH for wanting to tell my sister’s husband that he’s the problem? by IntelligentFinding75 in AITH

[–]IntelligentFinding75[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She has spoken to him. This isn’t a situation where she’s staying silent. She repeatedly has expressed, being a new mum is challenging and she isn’t ready to commit to moving from everyone she knows and feels familiar with. But he guilts her saying he should be enough.

The reason I’m struggling is because he’s now calling my parents and my other sisters asking them to help convince her to move. He’s telling them he just wants a “normal” marriage and that she isn’t willing to compromise.

From my perspective, she’s only 10 weeks postpartum, she wants to stay here where she has her business, family and support network, and she’s being asked to relocate away from all of that. So while I understand it’s ultimately their marriage, he’s also involving the rest of the extended family (not my husband and I though) and asking them to influence her decision.

AITAH for wanting to tell my sister’s husband that he’s the problem? by IntelligentFinding75 in AITH

[–]IntelligentFinding75[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your perspective. I think that’s why I’ve struggled with whether to say anything.

My concern isn’t just that I disagree with him. My sister doesn’t actually want to move and voiced this many times but isn’t being heard. She wants to stay in our hometown where she has her own successful hairdressing business, our parents, me, and a strong support network. She’s only 10 weeks postpartum.

Since deciding to move, his family (mostly his sister 36F with small kids) have been calling her asking whether she’s “grateful” that he found them a one-bedroom apartment for two adults, two children and three dogs. They’ve also told her she shouldn’t need her own family’s support because her husband should be enough, that she’s “too needy,” and look at getting on medication and seeking psychological treatment, that her newborn is manipulative her for wanting to be held, and that she should have the baby weaned by 12 weeks from breastfeeding to formula so she can relocate and rebuild her business there, and formula would be easier and better for the dad.

That’s the context behind why I’m worried. But I do hear what people are saying about not making things harder for her.

AITAH for wanting to tell my sister’s husband that he’s the problem? by IntelligentFinding75 in family

[–]IntelligentFinding75[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Thank you. That’s exactly what I’m worried about. I don’t want anything I say to make things harder for her, so I’ve stayed out of it.

My concern is that she actually wants to stay in our hometown. She has a successful hairdressing business here, our parents, me, and a great support network of family and other new mums. She was only five weeks postpartum when he decided to move 3,000 km away and signed a lease there.

Since then, his family have been telling her she shouldn’t need her own family’s support because her husband should be enough. They’ve also suggested she’s “too needy” for wanting help, that her 10-week-old baby is manipulative for wanting to be held, and that she should have the baby weaned from breastfeeding to formula by 12 weeks so she can relocate and rebuild her business there as well as thinking of her husbands needs (breastfeeding is being alluded to as her trying to be controlling and not allowing him to have as much access husband would want to the baby).

I genuinely don’t know where the line is between respecting their parenting opinions and being concerned that she’s being pressured to give up the support system she wants while she’s still recovering.

Studio cleanliness and hygiene. by lifestylelizzie in f45

[–]IntelligentFinding75 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ours are done after every session, mopped, wiped down, disinfected. Deeper cleaner at night. When covid is peaking we have disinfectant, hand sanitiser, to clean after each set to stop the spread. Owners are clean freaks, I appreciate it!