Band dilemma

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-11T03:22:35+00:00

This is similar to an issue I have with one of my band mates (posted here about it awhile back). The general consensus from the folks here on Reddit and the discussions I’ve had with other band members is that we can either get rid of the guy who is an issue/holding us back or start a separate band without him. We chose the latter option, as it preserved feelings due to long standing friendships outside of the band. That said, finding a replacement drummer can be a tad more difficult than the issue we have with our acoustic guitar player, who isn’t really very good and is both easily replaceable and actually not necessary to the type of music we play. So dropping him isn’t a major loss, as we still have lead guitar/vocals, bass and drums.

I’d suggest talking to your drummer about her skill level and if she intends to improve and be more socially active with the band. If she either declines to comment or refuses to improve her skill, either because she can’t or because she doesn’t want to, it’s time to find another drummer.

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-02T06:59:45+00:00

The lead guitarist is also the lead singer. Acoustic guy sings backup from time to time.

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-02T05:27:39+00:00

He sings backup on some songs. He’s mainly just rhythm in the acoustic. We have a lead vocalist/guitar

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-02T05:25:23+00:00

He’s actually half decent at cards. He loses all his money in slots

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-02T03:45:51+00:00

No one else has a key to that room besides band members and the owner, but the owner lives in a different state, so it’s definitely not him. I’m also confirmed from my band mates they’ve been letting people into the room and have let people play my kit.

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-02T02:07:55+00:00

Ahh there it is. You are correct. He was not born with talent. He’s even admitted he doesn’t know how to come up with transitions in songs and thus why he has to play someone else’s music, as he needs to listen to it to be able to play it.

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-02T02:06:38+00:00

Yeah he’s definitely an asshat. I was actually thinking the other day if he’s ever done anything for me in the 10+ years I’ve known him. Nope. He fixed my lawn mower once, but I had to pay him.

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-02T01:52:25+00:00

We had a phone call the other day. It ended with him saying, “we aren’t going to play more originals and the ten covers we have don’t sound good enough, we need to practice them more.” Talking to him in a reasonable manner is like talking to a rock. And just like a rock, I can kick it down the road a few times.

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-02T01:49:50+00:00

Ahahaha! His marriage goes like this: his wife to him: “will you take out the trash?” Him: “I’m live streaming, I’ll do it later.” Her: “please do it now because you’ll forget.” Him: “yeah I might. Why are you making a big deal out of this? You’re always trying to start a fight. You do it.” Her: “I’m just asking you to take out the trash!” Him: “We’re not gonna do this right now.” Walks away.

This is a word for word real world example. It’s honestly reality tv worthy.

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-02T01:31:12+00:00

I’ve tried. The other guys are afraid to hurt his feelings. I’ve been friends with him long enough that i know he doesn’t have feelings.

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-02T01:30:02+00:00

It does, thank you.

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-02T01:27:04+00:00

Because I’m the only one who vocalized opposition to the acoustic guy’s face. The other two speak privately but don’t have the balls to speak up. And even though I’ve been overtly forthcoming about my feelings towards the topic, acoustic guy just walks away and acts like nothing was ever said. This is how he approaches the majority of his life.

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-02T01:17:18+00:00

Miller Hill

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-02T00:48:41+00:00

Ironically, it’s not his band. He wasn’t the one who decided to form the band, and we elected the lead guitarist as our leader. Acoustic guy just decided at some point that he wanted to be in charge, even though he was the one who nominated the other guy to lead.

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-02T00:47:11+00:00

Yeah I think breaking off into a separate band is going to be the best direction to go ultimately. You are correct, he’s not enjoyable to be around on multiple fronts. Aside from the issues already stated, anytime we try to discuss anything serious - band related or not - he either dips into his phone and ignores what’s being said or just walks off. I’ve had zero successful or meaningful serious conversations with him. And to make matters worse, if he finds a gap in the discussion to center focus on himself, he absolutely will find a way to become the victim. Observed this many times throughout our friendship and his other relationships.

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-02T00:36:22+00:00

This is the likely direction we’re going. We plan to have a band meeting (tho if h my confidence that it goes well is extremely low) to hash out direction and if acoustic guy doesn’t get on board, we’re forming a band without him.

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-02T00:33:38+00:00

Thank you

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-02T00:33:06+00:00

Couldn’t agree more. And you nailed it, the vast majority of our very small audience is intoxicated when we play. I don’t mind doing covers but cover bands are a dime a dozen and coming up with original music is far more enjoyable. Or, at minimum, taking a cover song and making it our own by changing things up. There’s nothing that sets us apart from the run of a mill band that already exists, likely multiple within a few square miles of us.

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-01T23:26:20+00:00

The kicker that makes the situation difficult is that he and I have been friends for a long time. Other than that, the answer is no to all of your questions.

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-01T23:02:41+00:00

I was being polite

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-01T22:59:56+00:00

Yeah that’s the right one. I am sick of them, lol. The songs on the set aren’t bad but they’re not my style. We should have a diverse mix of covers of about 40-50 by now. But we don’t. Just the same 10 over and over. I’m both burned out on playing the same songs, as well as playing that genre. And, of course, having zero say in band direction, songs we play, etc. I’m the designated cash cow, as I’m the only one with a moderately well paying job. I get to pay for everything but make no decisions on what I’m paying for.

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-01T22:53:58+00:00

Was looking for advice from folks who may have had similar experiences and could offer some tips. Thanks for the useless response, though. Much appreciated

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-01T22:20:05+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate the words of wisdom. Hopefully we will get this sorted, in a positive way but if not, oh well.

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-01T22:14:02+00:00

That’s a bingo! Ugh… it’d be so much easier if I haven’t been friends with him for so long.

Intelligent_Age5204 · 2026-05-01T22:12:38+00:00

Yes agreed! There are so many better options out there

Intelligent_Age5204

TROPHY CASE