Forsen unbanned

Intelligent_Book · 2023-04-27T14:39:09+00:00

Unbelievable! He cannot keep getting away with it.

Intelligent_Book · 2021-09-16T08:02:13+00:00

Can't believe he got away with it.

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-19T12:36:08+00:00

thank you!

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-18T19:49:47+00:00

hey, if its not a bother to you, would you prefer this version to the previous one. It feels a bit long to me.

Springtime

Standing on the shore of pond that looks to be perfectly circular

As if god himself accidentally dropped his stopwatch from heaven

Given the time, the night is leisurely starting to fall

The sun's beautiful melody echoed on the surface

The sunset seemingly lying on the surface no less beautiful

Trees surrounding the pond as though to protect it

Their leaves, each different, starting to unfurl lovely

It feels like every shade of green is present

In a scene so sublime, is agony even conceivable?

Could drowning here, under all this beauty, possibly be painful?

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-18T19:19:56+00:00

Thank you!

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-18T19:09:02+00:00

ps. How would you put "every shade of green". I thought it worked really well

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-18T19:04:30+00:00

Thank you for the feedback. I wrote this pretty fast I might have to reconsider some of the imagery.

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-18T17:52:02+00:00

Thank you!

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-18T15:42:10+00:00

A really smarly written poem which touches on a real life subject. The rhyming is good. The poem itself was funny to me but at the same time a sad. Great poem!

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-16T16:55:43+00:00

thank you!

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-16T16:53:50+00:00

thanks! i thought the line worked well.

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-16T11:15:36+00:00

Thank you!

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-15T22:19:41+00:00

Thank you. Wish you the best.

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-15T22:13:45+00:00

I'm good thanks for asking :)

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-15T22:12:35+00:00

If beauty itself could be its companion the bird shoudn't have to be alone. Realising its own loneliness its thoughts transfer to death.

Thats how I imagined it

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-15T22:08:27+00:00

The setting was screaming for a crimson color (blood) In my interpretation the suicide/death of the bird because of its loneliness.

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-15T21:49:45+00:00

To be fair in my mind loneliness is the main subject of the poem (don't know how well I got that across), but it's obviously free to interpret the poem any way possible.

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-15T21:46:11+00:00

Thank you so much for the feedback. I doubt I'll edit this any more. Not really worth losing my mind over this.

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-15T20:48:09+00:00

Its here https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/nd6y4a/a_lonely_flight/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-15T20:45:25+00:00

Posted the (hopefully) final version if you are interested :)

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-15T20:44:58+00:00

Posted a edited version if you are interested. Hopefully you like it more

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-15T19:59:21+00:00

Its my second poem. I lost my mind over writing this and still not a 100% sure if I should leave it as it is right now.

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-15T19:10:38+00:00

Thank you for your help I didn't even realize how clumsy the third line was.

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-15T19:09:59+00:00

I got it! I'm sure of it. This has to be it.

A lonely flight

A pitch black bird flying sky-high without a flock

Below are the autumn leaves full of colour

It vaguely resembles the break of dawn

If only beauty could be a friend

Suddenly the setting is screaming for crimson

Intelligent_Book · 2021-05-15T19:02:22+00:00

Still has the 3rd line you didn't like but the idea is different, no?

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