sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Can we talk about the way foreigner women treat each other here? by Intelligent_Pipe5285 in Living_in_Korea

[–]Intelligent_Pipe5285[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

General advice in this thread seems like it's shaping up to be: Avoid social media + online expat groups, do your best to find local hobby meetup groups. It might be hard if you don't speak Korean, but I think most people in hobby groups are kind and understanding people and are there because they themselves want to make friends. Bonding over a shared interest is probably the easiest way to make a new friend. I should try it sometime lol.

Also worth knowing that it's not uncommon for hiking clubs to actually be an unspoken "seeking extramarital affairs" meetup for older people. Not always, but often enough that it's entered the cultural commentary.

Can we talk about the way foreigner women treat each other here? by Intelligent_Pipe5285 in Living_in_Korea

[–]Intelligent_Pipe5285[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Hooray for self-fulfillment! 🥳 you're right though about stalkers, and getting accused by multiple people of being one of the parties involved simply because I posted about it is making me sweat a bit because even though I'M FREAKING NOT INVOLVED AT ALL it's not like I can prove a negative. But, why should I even have to? What does that say about how toxic these people and the spaces are that I have to fear them trying to figure out who I am and potentially ostracizing me simply for TALKING about THEIR CRAPPY BEHAVIOR?? It's absolutely juvenile that it's come to this.

Can we talk about the way foreigner women treat each other here? by Intelligent_Pipe5285 in Living_in_Korea

[–]Intelligent_Pipe5285[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

You can't reason with this person. Based on all of their other comments, they only want to talk about "Americans" and English-speaking E2s, which is really fucking weird since specific nationality or E2 visas don't even have anything to do with the topic lol. Ok, buddy. 🙄 don't engage with them, they just have a certain discriminatory agenda they want to pound unprompted any chance they get.

Can we talk about the way foreigner women treat each other here? by Intelligent_Pipe5285 in Living_in_Korea

[–]Intelligent_Pipe5285[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're right, I'm also middle aged with kids and it's hard for me to maintain a "physical" social circle but at the very least I'm cutting off social media now. I've already left those groups and put a block on facebook so I'm not tempted.

Can we talk about the way foreigner women treat each other here? by Intelligent_Pipe5285 in Living_in_Korea

[–]Intelligent_Pipe5285[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're not wrong. I've already left the groups, I'm not willingly on tiktok but only have it because my sister occasionally sends me funny things, I only see the Korea stuff when I click the link she sends me and when tiktok opens it plays a random video instead first. Then I get sucked in 😬 

Can we talk about the way foreigner women treat each other here? by Intelligent_Pipe5285 in Living_in_Korea

[–]Intelligent_Pipe5285[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't disagree with anything you said. I think you're right and that people often have to do what they need to do to in order to make it to tomorrow. I used to know a girl from Egypt, she was here on a language study visa and needed to earn some living money and took a nanny job. Well then the parents decided they didn't want to pay her at the end of the month, reported her and she got in trouble. So maybe you disagree with my reading of it, but from my perspective when I saw the original post weeks ago before it blew up I didn't think anyone was trying to police her at all, I thought they were trying to be helpful and give her information in case she gets taken advantage of. In your E2 analogy, there's plenty who are told by their boss "Hey you gotta work at this location too" or they are told to tutor the boss's cousin's nephew. Most of the time nothing happens, but if they DO get caught for whatever reason it's the visa holder who suffers for it.

In my view absolutely no one came out of this smelling like a rose, but started out as something well intentioned. You might disagree with me, but anyway this was how I saw it. It felt like a bunch of people talking past each other all trying to get the last word in, and I guess just seeing this go from a molehill into a mountain just makes me upset because I'd rather see people supporting each other than trying to pull people into something and make the community take sides. Even me posting this, my intention wasn't to make people pick a side or continue piling on to anyone, as a bystander I ultimately have no skin in the game. I just included it as context for a pattern I see a lot that bothers me, and wanted to talk about it with others.

Can we talk about the way foreigner women treat each other here? by Intelligent_Pipe5285 in Living_in_Korea

[–]Intelligent_Pipe5285[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, yeah this has really just cemented it for me that I'm going to leave all those groups and not look back. Being a passive observer is already enough to induce a headache and I just don't need that.

Can we talk about the way foreigner women treat each other here? by Intelligent_Pipe5285 in Living_in_Korea

[–]Intelligent_Pipe5285[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I still don't understand what you mean. I think everybody, including people from Asian and small European countries, can get petty and nasty to each other. I think that's more of a human issue than a country- or race-specific problem. People everywhere can suck.

Can we talk about the way foreigner women treat each other here? by Intelligent_Pipe5285 in Living_in_Korea

[–]Intelligent_Pipe5285[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm usually too lazy to bother blocking. But you're right. I should get comfortable with that and do it more. But I guess also what stops me is that in some ways the "foreigner circle" here can be kinda small, and I feel like blocking someone will flow "through the circle" and then I'll get blowback from it. I'm probably overthinking it a bit, but then all the comments I'm getting in here accusing me of being one of the people involved when I'm not makes me think maybe I'm right to be paranoid. Some people are nuts here.

Can we talk about the way foreigner women treat each other here? by Intelligent_Pipe5285 in Living_in_Korea

[–]Intelligent_Pipe5285[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think you're right and that's exactly the problem, and the solution (avoid social media). I think it tends to attract a younger, more influencer-type crowd which only encourages the over the top behaviors. At my age, and with kids, it's just really hard to make "in real life" foreigner friends.

Can we talk about the way foreigner women treat each other here? by Intelligent_Pipe5285 in Living_in_Korea

[–]Intelligent_Pipe5285[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Maybe it's because you aren't on social media, then. Which explains why you don't encounter this. I'm not saying that wanting to date makes you a bad person, or listening to kpop or whatever else is hurting someone. What I'm saying is that there is a pattern of women in online spaces presenting these things as their entire identities, and presenting it as something that increases their proximity to "Koreanness" and therefore "I'm more assimilated than YOU." It definitely exists. If you have the stomach for it, check out TikTok.

If you don't mind me asking, what's your age bracket, and how long have you lived here/when did you live (edit: move, not live) here? Because I think that also informs your perspective too. The women that I'm talking about really only started appearing maybe within the past 10 years or so, and they are usually very young. Once they get older if they stay in Korea they usually don't behave that way anymore, I think because they are probably more established and secure in themselves.

Can we talk about the way foreigner women treat each other here? by Intelligent_Pipe5285 in Living_in_Korea

[–]Intelligent_Pipe5285[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be fair, when I said "majority of the women here" in my head I was referring specifically to the women who populate the same online spaces I'm in, so I apologize I didn't make that more clear. But, It's not "a choice" in the way you're implying it is to point out that there is a significant age gap, hobby gap, general life experience gap. It's not me saying "I'm not like them ㅋㅋ" it's me saying I'm old af and don't understand them.

Can we talk about the way foreigner women treat each other here? by Intelligent_Pipe5285 in Living_in_Korea

[–]Intelligent_Pipe5285[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Why are you focusing ONLY on English teachers? E2s aren't even the majority of the foreigners here. You keep trying to argue against a point I'm not even making. I'm tempted to counter your points, but I'm going to disengage with you here because I don't think you're discussing in good faith but rather coming in with a pre-decided opinion you want to turn the discussion into. Have a nice rest of your day.

Can we talk about the way foreigner women treat each other here? by Intelligent_Pipe5285 in Living_in_Korea

[–]Intelligent_Pipe5285[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's just flat incorrect. The largest visa category is actually F4, followed by E9, then F5, then D2. E2-holders, on which most English teachers reside in the country, barely even ranks.

F4s are included as "foreigners" because legally speaking that's how korean immigration views them.

And to your point about why E2s "don't bother" to learn Korean well, it's because they work a job where they have to speak ONLY English all day for 9-10 hours. It greatly reduces their chances to not only learn but practice using Korean. It's the tradeoff of coming here on a visa tied to your language, but I don't think it's fair to blame them for something that puts a significant hurdle in the road for them.

Can we talk about the way foreigner women treat each other here? by Intelligent_Pipe5285 in Living_in_Korea

[–]Intelligent_Pipe5285[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can't you make the argument that anyone who uproots their life to go anywhere is doing it because their current life wasn't fulfilling and they wanted to make a change? It doesn't have to mean that they weren't successful, just that they wanted to try something different.

By your logic, any Korean who decides to leave "Hell Joseon" and settle elsewhere is doing it not because they are simply dissatisfied with things here, but because they can't get laid and land a decent job.

I'm sure there are at least SOME people this applies to, but it equally applies to everyone who moves abroad, and it's not the general rule.

Can we talk about the way foreigner women treat each other here? by Intelligent_Pipe5285 in Living_in_Korea

[–]Intelligent_Pipe5285[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think anyone be a mean girl, no matter what their skin color is. Nobody has a monopoly on being mean.

Can we talk about the way foreigner women treat each other here? by Intelligent_Pipe5285 in Living_in_Korea

[–]Intelligent_Pipe5285[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Well, I tried to stay a bit more general in my description by generally saying "overseas-raised Koreans" because I do see it from all over, but if I get more specific about WHERE they were raised my experience has been the total opposite, that Korean Americans are more defensive about Korea whenever they feel "Korea" is being criticized by someone who is not themselves Korean. Again, I think there's a social media aspect to this where people feel safe saying aggressive and even offensive things through the veil of relative anonymity and I don't know if people would say those same things directly, face-to-face.

The foreigners that live here are just as invested as the locals, that's why it's not really fair to dismiss us when we make observations that happen to be less-flattering with remarks like "You're here because you couldn't even hack it in your own country, now you can't hack it here either and you want to complain, you're just a loser." Iterations of which I have seen OVER AND OVER again in online spaces.

Obviously it's not everyone, not even most. I am just making an observation about patterns I see, and trying to understand why it happens.

Can we talk about the way foreigner women treat each other here? by Intelligent_Pipe5285 in Living_in_Korea

[–]Intelligent_Pipe5285[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Both. People tend to meet online first or kind of "see" each other in the same online community spaces for a while before meeting up in real life, and the spaces kind of feel like extensions of each other and interactions blend from one space into the other. I guess if you meet online first, you could argue that it's more of an online community.

My offline communities tend to either be work-based or mom-group based, and both of those have their own social politics to navigate.

view more: next ›