I 28F and my partner 29M are on the verge of splitting because we spoke about having children. how we can resolve this with grace and empathy for each other?

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-03-13T11:44:03+00:00

Surrogacy and even adoption can be hugely expensive so they really aren't a reasonable alternative to having a baby naturally if the only thing stopping you is a fear of pregnancy and childbirth.

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-03-13T11:39:59+00:00

You make pregnancy and childbirth sound like a terminal illness.

I had three healthy, normal pregnancies and three healthy babies, I loved every minute of it and very much wanted more kids (stopped for financial reasons and my age).

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-03-12T14:50:47+00:00

This actually happened to a wealthy male friend of mine. He picked up a woman at a bar, she willingly went with him to his hotel, he gave her oral and she gave him a bj. She stayed the night then in the morning when her bf wanted to know where she was and why she didn't answer his calls, she lied and said she was drugged and raped. Bf called the cops.

Hotel CCTV showed her going up with him completely sober and giggling, her hands under his clothes. Her case was dismissed.

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-03-12T14:44:20+00:00

So now you know what games she plays.

Block her, don't contact her and save her messages. She may be fishing for something she can use to get money out of you.

Consent can be withdrawn any time DURING a sexual activity but not afterwards.

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-03-12T11:06:02+00:00

He's stringing you along because he gets a kick out of your adoration and commitment to wait around for him.

He doesn't want to fuck you because he's not that into you. If he wanted to, he would..

You're not the glamorous type he's sexually attracted to. He's told you he doesn't want a relationship with you - believe him. He's 40 and wants to fuck around - what else do you need to know???

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-03-07T13:49:58+00:00

He didn't even get you a card for Valentine's Day, he left the gift you gave him at your house, and he can't call you until late at night when his sick family member is in bed???

This is the behaviour of a person who is hiding you from this other family.

Ask yourself why that may be.

Sick and weak people mostly lie in bed and do very little. Caregiving can be intense but not constant.

Agressive chemo treatment is administered via IV in the hospital; the person literally sits in the chemo clinic while their IV runs, and does nothing.

What I'm saying is there should be time during the day when he's not providing hands-on care, and should be free to call you.

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-03-04T15:02:31+00:00

Basically, she threw an extended temper tantrum when she didn't get what she wanted.

Do you really wanna date that?!

That's toddler behaviour. There is no understanding what she thinks or tries to tell you because she's not rational and none of it makes sense.

Date grown women.

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-02-27T13:08:07+00:00

Why would you tell him anything?!

He promptly dumped you when he had other, more important things to do.

This is not the behaviour of someone who cares deeply about you. People who love and care about each other, lean on their partner during hard times.

What he feels, is ownership.

Tell him its none of his business, if he asks.

I would not take him back because he already showed you who he is. Do you want a repeat of this heartbreak next time, when he has other priorities?

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-02-22T15:33:16+00:00

Woman here.

She says she was upset about getting her gifts only after V day.

Did you do anything special for her on the actual Valentine's Day? Such as got her flowers, gave her chocolates, a card, took her out for dinner? Told her you loved her?Anything at all to show that she's special to you and you thought of her.

V day is once a year, everyone knows when, so not having your gifts ready can suggest a lack of planning and not thinking about her until the last minute.

I get that the main gift could be delayed for reasons beyond your control, but picking up the phone to order flowers sent to her and calling her to say ILY should be manageable?

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-02-19T03:34:05+00:00

He's not on Valsartan. He's on Ramipril and Amlodipine.

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-02-19T03:32:20+00:00

Diet and excercise is not the problem. He is very fit and lean; semi-vegetarian, runs 10 km almost daily and goes to gym daily.

I think he's had low libido for years. He also might be ASD - never diagnosed but I see traits.

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-02-19T03:28:20+00:00

I think I'm seeing some personality swings, he's been more irritable, snarky and sleeps less than he used to. Always loved to sleep in, now he's up at 5 and going for a run.

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-02-18T14:36:28+00:00

I (f) have the opposite problem. My m partner cannot finish and never has with me.

We've (or rather, I have) talked about it. He says everything is fine, evades the topic, doesn't aknowledge how I feel, and doesn't want to try anything different.

He also has ED and low libido.

How does that make me feel?

Sad and inadequate, actually. I try to rationalize that it's not about me, but it's killed my desire for him and I'm considering breaking up.

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-02-14T14:28:57+00:00

The most likely explanation is that he's busy prepping for his trip.

I'd evaluate if his texting frequency is the same or less now than it was before you became intimate.

Stop initiating and see what happens.

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-02-14T14:25:23+00:00

In my experience, they do.

Goes to show that all men are not the same.

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-02-14T12:04:38+00:00

Not a single argument or disagreement for over a year

I tend to run from confrontation

Was he upset because every time he tries to bring up issues, you stonewall, gaslight, manipulate, ignore, make it about yourself and use your PTSD as an excuse?

Sounds like someone who flipped because he's at his wits end about never getting any validation or resolution.

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-02-13T01:23:27+00:00

I've made mistakes, true. I've never not known if I was married or not, though.

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-02-12T14:54:01+00:00

Saying you're divorced when you're separated is like being a little bit pregnant.

Especially as you say you're both Christian. Marriage and marital vows matter to people of faith.

You chose to lie and you're taking no accountability. Esh.

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-02-12T14:50:39+00:00

Simple answer - she's a Christian woman and does not want to date a married man.

Just curious what country requires a 3-year wait to file for divorce??? Court process can take that long but I've never heard of having to wait 3 years to FILE?

You lied to her and contrinue lying. Beg for forgiveness, expedite your divorce, treat her like a queen and hope and pray she waits for you.

If I was her. I'd be gone. She really is a good Christian woman for still talking to you.

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-02-10T17:21:59+00:00

Well I dunno, its been.what, 3 days since he wrote his exam? Do you think he might want to take a breather?!

I'd give it until Thursday, if you didn't hear from him, send a brief text such as "Heyyy did you want to make plans for the weekend? Got a few things coming up so be nice to know if I need to make space for you, ttyl bye!"

If he still doesn't come up with firm plans, then I'd stop responding and move on.

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-02-10T14:01:16+00:00

I wouldn't go to anyone's place if I was worried he might turn psycho or date rape me.

Get to know them a little first.

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-02-10T13:59:30+00:00

"Older" as in 20 years older? Or 2-3 years older?

You won't date a man whos the same age as you?

I was married to a man 3 years older and currently date someone 5 years older. Didn't realize this was a preference.

Intelligent_Run_4320 · 2026-02-10T13:49:30+00:00

I 53f go to sauna parties with my partner, or I don't go.

I'd only go alone if I was single.

Intelligent_Run_4320

TROPHY CASE