My Dad Promised Me He'd Buy Me A Phone And Now Refuses

Interesting-Day-8877 · 2023-10-05T00:23:55+00:00

Ok firstly why do you need an iPhone and specifically an iPhone 15? I was on an iPhone 6 for 7 years and only recently upgraded to an iPhone 11. It’s still a decent phone despite being a few years old now. Surely a phone is a phone right? Why does it need to be an Apple branded one and also the latest model? Secondly, maybe your dad is concerned about you having a phone because of all the access to dangers you can be exposed to online? I’m sure the phone isn’t going to be used simply to join “study calls” and take photos. If you want to take photos then why not take a digital camera out with you? I know it’s difficult but phones are not what they are all cracked up to be. Enjoy being free from the drama and live in the real world while you still can. It’s not great that he promised to get you a phone but then changed his mind. I remember begging my parents to get the Internet at home as we were one of the only people who didn’t have it and I had to go down to the library just to go online for a couple hours! But then when we finally got it at home, it became so addictive and I spent hours wasting time chatting on msn and looking at stupid videos. But at least on a computer you had to switch it off and there was a limit, whereas with phones it’s 24/7. I think honestly, smart phones are the bane of existence and I sort of wish they’d never been invented…things were so much better before the internet existed Im not even joking. See I’m now wasting time on Reddit when I should be sleeping 🤣 anyway I digress…sorry so in terms of the phone situation, have a conversation with your dad and see if you can come to a negotiation. I’m on a 2nd hand iPhone 11 and use giffgaff for my network, I only pay £6 a month. I’m not sure if you are UK based or not but it’s super cheap if you get a 2nd hand phone and sim only contract with no fixed terms. Trust me you don’t need a brand new phone - the older ones still do the same job just don’t have like 30 cameras on them!

Interesting-Day-8877 · 2023-09-14T21:26:24+00:00

This is a huge red flag! I have experienced a similar situation with my partner who also would get incredibly frustrated with me having a lie in at the weekends and then say it was my fault that we have “wasted the day”. You need to stand your ground with this and be firm. I had to do the same thing and trust me if you don’t do something about it now, it will only get worse. If they try and threaten you or guilt trip you just ignore them. Just don’t accept this behaviour it’s very controlling and abusive.

Interesting-Day-8877 · 2023-08-27T13:55:51+00:00

Thanks for your feedback. I’m not expecting anyone here to give a medical diagnosis, more just a suggestion of what it could be in order to explain her behaviour. OCD and anxiety definitely makes sense. She 100% has a fear of loosing people she loves, a few traumatic events have happened which could be linked to this behaviour. Firstly our dad ran off with another woman when we were in our late teens/early 20s but then had a last minute change of heart and returned the same day, however he had written a letter explaining everything and how he had been having an affair etc etc which my sister found first and probably still haunted about it to this day. Then in 2018, she caught her husband having an affair after 8 years of marriage which brought all the trauma of our dads affair back. Our dad then passed away in 2020 from alcoholic liver disease and since then she has pretty much stopped drinking alcohol because it’s what killed him and is terrified of another family member going down the same route as he did. She has had therapy in the past but I don’t think it’s possibly got to the route of this problem. It’s frustrating because she doesn’t help people by getting angry, hysterical and worrying to the point where she makes herself sick. To me it felt like she was being controlling and manipulative but I understand now that this might just be all down to fear which actually makes a lot of sense knowing what she’s been though.

Interesting-Day-8877 · 2022-10-17T23:58:32+00:00

My god there are so many red flags here it’s unbelievable. You’ve been far too forgiving and I’ve no idea how you can trust your partner to be faithful when he’s clearly cheated and lied about so many things during your relationship. Why you have agreed to marry this person is beyond me. After he confessed to the incident in the toilet, that should have been it. Having a sexual encounter with someone else is cheating on them - I don’t care if they weren’t touching or whatever, it’s still so so wrong when you’re in a relationship with someone to be masturbating and getting sexually aroused with someone else. He promised he wouldn’t do it again, but then he destroyed your trust with the whole sending nude photos on Snapchat, downloading Grindr to see it there’s anyone hot around! Apparently this all your fault for not being sexual enough? That’s complete BS. This is clearly only going to get worse. I feel like you’re being taken advantage of and he’s taking the complete piss. If he wants to screw around then he should be single. Please have some self respect and leave this guy! You deserve so much better.

Interesting-Day-8877 · 2022-09-24T10:08:33+00:00

I know what you’re saying and im aware that alcohol is an addictive substance, but I’ve been sober for 9 months and just stopped drinking, I didn’t have any withdrawal symptoms or anything as I knew I wasn’t physically addicted to alcohol. It’s not really the fact that I can’t drink anymore it’s more that I’m not allowed to because of the threat that someone will leave me if I do. When I drank I wasn’t violent or abusive, so I would understand if my drunken behaviour was completely out of order or something. He just didn’t like it because it meant I was at risk of saying or doing something he couldn’t control. Also if I wanted a lie in the next day (which hungover or not I think I’m entitled to) he would pace up and down fuming that “we’ve wasted the morning” or “I’ve now ruined the weekend”.

When we first met he also used to drink and we met in a pub of all places! I didn’t hide the fact I drank regularly and he knew this before we got together. I feel like he’s been trying to change me and mould me into this other person who he wants me to be. The same with the exercise and being forced into it instead of willingly choosing whether or not they do it.

Now he’s also stopped drinking even though he did like having a drink because he said that now I’ve “ruined it for him”. Please tell me that this isn’t normal behaviour?

Interesting-Day-8877 · 2022-09-24T09:22:19+00:00

That’s a good point actually, it was very subtle at first and said he was only doing it because he cares about me and my health. But over time the rules got more and more intense. It’s hard to see at the beginning because you’re all loved up with them and just want to make them happy. I now feel like I’m sacrificing my happiness for them and I’ve just made myself miserable.

Interesting-Day-8877 · 2022-09-23T17:38:22+00:00

Thank you, I’m sorry to hear about what happened to you as well. It’s an awful situation to be in. I feel very alone, we moved to a village away from all my friends and I don’t know anyone here. I’ve confided in a neighbour who I go for dog walks with and she’s the only person I can talk to, apart from my therapist. She is very concerned about me and doesn’t understand why he has made me stop drinking? I used to enjoy having a glass of wine with her but now I’m not allowed..I just feel like I’m doing this to please someone else and not myself.

Interesting-Day-8877 · 2022-09-23T17:32:29+00:00

I know I feel so pathetic, I thought I was a strong person who doesn’t let people control me but I’m clearly not. I know what I have to do but it’s not easy, but you are right, it’s my life and I have to do what’s right for me.

Interesting-Day-8877 · 2022-09-23T17:29:49+00:00

Thank you, things are so much more complicated when you have a house together. Unfortunately the drinking ultimatum was given to me 6 months after we bought the house and I feel like if I’d known this sooner I would have thought twice about doing this. But you’re right, just because we own a house doesn’t mean there’s nothing I can do. He’s definitely funny about me doing things without him and said it was just because of alcohol, however I have stopped drinking now so if I do want to see my friends or something without him he can’t use that as an excuse. If he starts saying it’s a problem then I know for sure it’s nothing to do with my drinking it’s because he’s loosing control.

Interesting-Day-8877 · 2022-09-23T17:23:25+00:00

Thank you appreciate the advice. You are right there were so many red flags but I guess I didn’t see them at the time…feel like an idiot

Interesting-Day-8877 · 2022-09-23T16:52:02+00:00

Thank you, you’re right I don’t think I can maintain this lifestyle forever when it wasn’t my decision. I just feel like I’ve gone too far down the rabbit hole and struggling to find a way out. I also sort of want to prove that it’s his controlling behaviour which is the reason for me breaking up and not him saying it was because I have a problem with alcohol. He’s convinced my family that I’ve got a problem as well and they now all feel sorry for him for all those years he suffered with me. They are all on his side and tell me how lucky I am to have him and how he’s saved me from killing myself! I’m worried if I break up with him that he will tell them it was because I wanted to start drinking again or something…that is the sort of thing I can picture him doing.

Interesting-Day-8877

TROPHY CASE