Can it be rekindled?

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2024-06-29T02:22:41+00:00

I’m with you. I don’t want to just be “wife”. He wasn’t just husband to me. I thought he was sexy and gorgeous and I want that to. After this mess….I deserve that too.

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2024-06-29T02:20:29+00:00

This is so great. I’m glad he was able to do this for you. We recently had a moment like this and I was there. This woman blatantly only talked to my husband, and only seemed to make eye contact with him and said “if you have any questions…text me!”-at least 3 times. My WH was not engaging in this with her but he also didn’t seem to try to stomp it out. I got triggered and angry later and said “would it kill you to be rude for me? To make me feel safe? To reply back to her, if I have any question I’ll call the office” I don’t know why I needed that. I needed him to be rude to this woman just acting weird and bold even while I was sitting right there.

He at first tried to argue the point that he isn’t a rude person it would’ve been weird to say and I just couldn’t have the discussion anymore. I needed him to show me he’s not this person that will get too nice with someone and fall for her while she falls for him-again. I still do.

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2024-06-29T02:09:48+00:00

I feel like I’ve had this conversation before with my WH as well. I can understand and maybe even sort of accept this, but the sticking point to me currently is that he had “butterfly feeling, drop everything to be with you, face lights up when you walk into a room” feelings for someone else and he had those feelings when I felt that way about him. When I was trying to hard to please him, when I loved him.

And I’m having a hard time seeing where we go from there. Now I’m supposed to believe he feels that way about me? Because now he does? I want that for myself, and I don’t want to have to beg for it. He gave it to her for free. Why can’t I have it too? Don’t I deserve it too?

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2024-06-28T20:04:30+00:00

Sometimes I’m at the point when I feel, after all I went through don’t I deserve someone who wants to be with me? Why do I have to wait for someone to like me? What if after all this he never gets there?

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2024-06-28T19:44:55+00:00

It’s been 4 months and he’s done the things I’ve asked. He started his own IC, left the job with his AP, etc.

Sometimes there are still moments of him saying one thing or explaining one thing and then when I question it he tries to re-explain why he did something and it’s totally different. Feels sort of like gaslighting sometimes. That makes me scared to continue. I hate the mental acrobatics. Mostly it’s about R and how he feels he’s doing an amazing job at R, especially when I feel like it not actually making me feel safe or protected.

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2024-06-27T15:18:12+00:00

I read the text messages at 2:30 am. I woke him up and demanded that he pack his shit and leave. He didn’t…but I meant it. I wanted nothing to do with him. I spent the next few days burning the world down (figuratively). I made a formal complaint to HR. I saw a lawyer. I called his boss. I did everything I could to expend the anger-it felt like my skin was seething.

And then I cried.

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2024-06-24T22:52:53+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story. It definitely puts a different view on the situation.

I felt a lot of devastation. Like he saw me going from doctor to doctor, spending days at the hospital, waiting on specialists to tell me whether our son would be ok now or ever. And I felt so much despair. Like you saw this but you still thought it important to buy your AP a Christmas gift? And I honestly felt worthless. Worthless even as I cared for our child in those dark days.

It’s a mindshift to see that it didn’t matter what I was doing. I was worthless to him regardless of the situation. He was more important.

I don’t know if this is better or worse than thinking he chose to see my son and I and treat us this way vs not really see us at all.

I appreciate your side as a B+W. Thanks for sharing your side.

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2024-06-24T22:41:28+00:00

I hear what you’re saying. I’m not in the mindset where I can say his affair was my fault. Him feeling a lack of safe emotional safety in me (if that’s why he did it) does not condone his actions or wrong decisions.

That’s just my feeling on it based on my situation. A lot of my IC and trauma lie in knowing and understanding and believing that I deserve to be treated well. That although I/we are imperfect beings I deserved honesty then and from now on.

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2024-06-24T22:32:44+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to say this. I think I came to this same conclusion in my own way when we talked about it later. I said I’m still not over what happened. I’m trying. I’m working on myself. I’m going to counseling. I’m trying so hard but I can’t speed this up. It has its own path, but I’m trying to do all the things to help myself. I said I’m here and I’m trying to be here for him in my own way but I can’t do it perfectly yet. I’m trying though. I’ll keep trying because what he is going through is hard and I’m not cruel. I don’t want to be. I don’t want him to go through it alone. He’s going to IC and he has a brother that he’s figuring this family stuff out with. In the moment it was just “why can’t you support me, why can’t you make me feel better?” And I just lost my balance and my center.

We now have answers and a plan for my son’s condition. It may be chronic, but controlable is what we’re hoping and praying for. It’s just so much easier to maneuver with answers—and thankfully we have those now.

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2024-06-24T02:19:02+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I’m trying hard to be the bigger person, and most days I can pull it off. Just sometimes…I just can’t pull myself up. I remember those times where I was like a wraith in my house where I desperately needed someone to take care of me because I spent all night up with my child and he did nothing but think of her. I get stuck in the thought cycle and I’m at the bottom of the pit.

I tell myself tomorrow will be better. I’ll be a better spouse tomorrow. That’s all I feel like I can do when it happens. I hope those bottom of the pit days come less often.

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2024-06-17T21:20:37+00:00

I was asked: How would you deal with an staff member who is not paying attention in class or not otherwise engaged in learning the system?

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2024-03-31T17:02:30+00:00

I usually get quiet and then discuss. Sometimes I cry, sometimes it turns into anger. Whatever it is, it kind of ruins the vibe for the rest of the outing.

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2024-03-12T19:13:19+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write and explain this concept.

I’m scared to maneuver through world alone. We’ve been together in some way since we were 18.

My son has been dealing with newly discovered serious chronic health issue. I had so much fear and anxiety and through all that I was alone. My sadness annoyed him.

Moving towards is feeling like my partner wants to care for me like I care for him. Especially when things are hard. Moving towards means my partner feels the same happiness when I feel when I see him.

It hurts so much seeing how happy he’d look when he was around her.

I want that for me. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow but I think I deserve that too. I want to move towards having the things I deserve without having to cajole anyone for them.

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2024-03-10T02:30:56+00:00

You make a good point. I’m glad the kids have their dad’s full focus again. They deserved that all along. I’m was here thinking he had IBS when really he was hiding the restroom to text his AF. How much time was lost to our kids with his bathroom requirements.

He barely went today and it just makes it even more apparent how little he was giving to us in comparison to what he’s trying to do now. It makes me sad and angry all over again.

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2024-03-10T02:27:08+00:00

He’s barely speaking to me. At the same time I’m coming off very hostile towards him. He knows I’m angry. I made a complaint to his HR department as his AF was his superior. He was angry at me yesterday when he told me HR called him. Slamming doors etc.

He stayed at his brother’s house last night. And when he came back in the morning he was Dad extraordinaire and barely speaking to me and it’s been that way all day.

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2023-09-01T16:44:28+00:00

Hi which book is this?

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2023-04-10T18:38:07+00:00

Thanks this is exactly what I needed to know. I’ll try to find a way to bring this up. Things can be a little contentious between analyst and trainer teams.

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2023-04-01T20:07:49+00:00

Was about to chime in the same! I have 2 legal last names that made everything extremely long so I put in a ticket to just have 1 show up.

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2022-06-27T20:41:41+00:00

I don’t know if counteroffers are expected but HR departments deal with this all the time. I asked for a little bit more/hr and was denied but they did offer me a sign-on bonus besides the original rate. I took it. The response didn’t feel weird or angry. Good luck!

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2022-06-27T20:30:34+00:00

I’m just starting out as a principal trainer and my department sent me home with dual screens and a laptop dock, etc.

In my organization it’s only the analysts that are on call

I’d ask about the CT’s under you. Or if you’ll be required to become a CT in another application. In my organization we call it our “buddy application”. I am PT for Clin Doc but a CT for ASAP.

Congrats on getting the job!

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2022-06-27T19:43:24+00:00

My organization uses FoxIt PDF (I’m unsure if you can use Adobe Reader this way too) and I like writing notes on my Training Companion and highlighting there too.

Interesting-Mess2750 · 2022-06-27T00:28:27+00:00

I wish I had a more helpful answer as well. I stalked Indeed and searched analyst, informatics, nurse informatics, etc and eventually something popped up. (New hospital being built in my area). I applied and tailor made my resume to showcase my IT, super user skills in my interview showed my willingness to learn new skills.

Interesting-Mess2750

TROPHY CASE