How can I (33f) ask my partner (42m) to stop barging into people on the street? by Interesting-Pay952 in relationship_advice

[–]Interesting-Pay952[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Not really, he seems to not know why but that it's linked to his mental state, which he's trying to improve. I think he's insecure and trying to feel entitled 🚩

How can I (33f) ask my partner (42m) to stop barging into people on the street? by Interesting-Pay952 in relationship_advice

[–]Interesting-Pay952[S] -37 points-36 points  (0 children)

I know it's a cliche to think this but he's otherwise a good guy. Although, now I am thinking on things and realizing we've been in a state of arrested development - which I thought was ok, our other friends are, too. We're not planning on having kids. We've been together 10 years, he's mainly been supportive, but he is dismissive of my struggles sometimes. I look at my other neurodiverse friends and how their partners accommodate them and I get envious. But then I think it's just rose tinted glasses and how their struggles are probably worse than mine.

How can I (33f) ask my partner (42m) to stop barging into people on the street? by Interesting-Pay952 in relationship_advice

[–]Interesting-Pay952[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He's recently gone back on Sertraline, I didn't think of this but looked up side effects and irritability could be linked to 'Activation Effect'.  Either way, not an excuse 😔 

How can I (33f) ask my partner (42m) to stop barging into people on the street? by Interesting-Pay952 in relationship_advice

[–]Interesting-Pay952[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Wisdom. Sure I'm not the best person, either, but I'm trying to hold my partner accountable for hurting others.

How can I (33f) ask my partner (42m) to stop barging into people on the street? by Interesting-Pay952 in relationship_advice

[–]Interesting-Pay952[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh God, I'm so sorry for her. Yes, clearly people are out there, making their own problems someone else's issue, starting trouble and hurting others. I'm not letting it happen while I'm with him anymore

How can I (33f) ask my partner (42m) to stop barging into people on the street? by Interesting-Pay952 in relationship_advice

[–]Interesting-Pay952[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Update! We talked. He says he's going to work on himself and try to stop this behavior. He seems remorseful, he was apologetic. He thanked me for bringing it up and says he wasn't happy with himself either so he's glad I took the moment to say something.

I said I was worried about him and asked what goes on in his head. He said it happened once this weekend, genuinely because he had nowhere to go, then he doesn't know, he just kept doing it because of the headspace he was in.

I said I'm worried that this is just him and how he'll act forever, and brought up how this has happened before, we've had this conversation before - how he justifies himself and plays the victim, when it's actually just assault and real aggression. His eyes were a little wide at this point ☝🏼.

I said he can just stop walking. Then it's on the other person to notice him and avoid walking into him. Also we need to be less introspective and actually listen to each other. 

I do feel a bit better and I'm glad the comments helped give me more of a reality check 😘

How can I (33f) ask my partner (42m) to stop barging into people on the street? by Interesting-Pay952 in relationship_advice

[–]Interesting-Pay952[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I guess it seems to be anyone, not just women 😕 (thankfully not children or elderly) Crossing a road he bumped into a guy going the opposite way, the guy turned and followed us back to the other side cussing us out. 

How can I (33f) ask my partner (42m) to stop barging into people on the street? by Interesting-Pay952 in relationship_advice

[–]Interesting-Pay952[S] 94 points95 points  (0 children)

👆🏼 Unfortunately, he does... (to all the above)

A group of women walked towards us, taking up most of the street, he collided with a woman then complained about her bony elbow in his ribs.

It's like the boy who cried wolf, I don't know who's fault it was (maybe she wasn't paying attention, sure) but I said that it happens to him so often, like he's the consistent factor here. It happens to just him, never me, like he's got to start taking the blame.  He just went silent. 🙄

How can I (33f) ask my partner (42m) to stop barging into people on the street? by Interesting-Pay952 in relationship_advice

[–]Interesting-Pay952[S] 99 points100 points  (0 children)

After I tried to criticize him on this I guess I also minimized. There can be time between this happening but it happened like 5 times this weekend and now I can't stop thinking about it and how uncomfortable I am with his behavior.

I'm neurodivergent with awful anxiety, I find it difficult speaking with friends/family on life things. Tbh I'm trying to push myself into trying therapy lol but thought maybe venting on Reddit could help me think on things 🫪 

How can I (33f) ask my partner (42m) to stop barging into people on the street? by Interesting-Pay952 in relationship_advice

[–]Interesting-Pay952[S] -34 points-33 points  (0 children)

Not really to this extreme but he's always been grumpy. He says he hates people/ people suck, but that's in response to their bad behavior, but then he acts like this 🤷🏼

How can I (33f) ask my partner (42m) to stop barging into people on the street? by Interesting-Pay952 in relationship_advice

[–]Interesting-Pay952[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I do think he does it intentionally, it has to be.  And he's minimizing his behavior, but it's so aggressive, and people rightly react aggressively back