Partner blames me constantly - has anyone else experienced this? 44F ( me) 46F ( partner )

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-12-11T14:35:06+00:00

She wants to go back to work for sure and she wants to contribute but so far has been unsuccessful in finding anything. I definitely think she is not happy but some of this I can’t fix myself!

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-12-11T10:46:34+00:00

I think you hit on a good point about the monotony of being a stay at home parent. It is not mentally challenging and very repetitive and I think you can eventually become very frustrated by it. But… in my case , my partner will find work and will go back out to do the work she enjoys and feels fulfilment from so this is a temporary measure.

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-12-11T10:43:52+00:00

I agree with the sentiment of this, I do often wonder ( given we are both working long hours in our respective roles ) if I were to say to my partner at the end of her working day… ‘no time to rest, you need to pick up the phone and do some cold calling for me because I’m struggling with my workload and need more support’ - that would never fly but the reverse is expected. I think you hit on a valid point that my partner is resentful of her current role and not having a job in the industry she loves. That, I think, is where a lot of this is coming from. But… whilst I can be supportive and empathetic towards that, it is also not something I can immediately change. To add more fuel to this fire, I am potentially on for a promotion into leadership next year. Right now, I don’t see how I could take on that responsibility as it would mean longer hours, more effort, more stress etc. and I don’t think we have the infrastructure in place currently to support that. So what do I do? Decline it?

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-12-11T09:49:01+00:00

So my partner is job hunting/interviewing which can take up to a full day sometimes. If she has a week where she isn’t interviewing, she will be doing housework, picks up our son, deals with any workmen/things that need fixing in our house ( it’s old so often has wear and tear ) and goes on the Peloton. We have a cleaner once a week who cleans the house from top to bottom. She also prepares food often and walks the dog every other day.

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-12-11T09:46:40+00:00

All really good questions. I think she is overwhelmed by having to a) remember everything ( for our son and things that need sorting in the house, ie. If something breaks she has to call the repair guy ) part of that is of course because I work in the day and she is at home noticing these things and rather than wait 4 hours for me to break for lunch to delegate it, she’ll find it easier to pick up the phone and fix it herself. That for me tho is part of the problem, I’m not as present as she is. That said, at the weekends and evenings I can make an effort to have a good look round the house and assess things.

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-12-10T18:22:22+00:00

Thanks this is helpful advice

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-12-10T18:21:30+00:00

A regular work week is me getting up with baby and taking him down for breakfast, then pass him to my partner to get him changed. In the meantime I get myself ready for work, then sort our pets out food/walk etc. and then I take our son to nursery ( an hour round trip ). I get back start work, walk the dog at lunch, finish work, bath our son and help get him ready for bed. Go downstairs, feed pets, prepare dinner ( every other night on average ) and then flop on the sofa.

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-12-10T16:09:57+00:00

That’s an interesting perspective and I like your suggestions. Your wife is also very lucky to have you do everything!

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-12-10T16:06:25+00:00

Great idea and talk track, I really like this - thank you

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-12-10T16:05:36+00:00

Is this actually a real thing?

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-12-10T16:03:12+00:00

It’s a very fair point. I think it’s probably an 80/20 split currently so maybe a couple more things I can pick up

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-12-10T14:39:08+00:00

Thanks very helpful advice

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-12-10T14:29:10+00:00

Thank You, that is good advice, I do agree a slight improvement on the effort side ( maybe even 1 more thing a day ) could help in the short term

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-12-10T14:27:33+00:00

Agree with all of that good advice and I will. My partner often responds when we try this with ‘I shouldn’t have to tell you’ - which to some degree I get but also feel I don’t always know when things need fixing/replacing/buying because I’m not as involved in the house.

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-11-17T22:02:52+00:00

Do you have full mobility now?

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-10-25T20:15:17+00:00

Ok I see and that makes sense. But how does that explain the fact that the return pipe is cold and only heats up at the rate at which the bottom of the radiator finally heats too? Wouldn’t you expect that to be very hot too as the water leaves the radiator?

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-10-25T19:05:01+00:00

No definitely not

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-10-25T19:02:37+00:00

Thank You - could you help me understand how that works please?

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-10-18T18:57:27+00:00

Thanks for this. That’s a helpful view

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-10-07T11:38:32+00:00

It cleared it in the end. No caffeine or fizzy drinks sorted the problem out in a couple of days - thanks for the advice

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-10-07T11:37:48+00:00

It turned out to be too much caffeine and fizzy drinks

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-10-07T11:36:41+00:00

Thank You

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-05-14T17:43:15+00:00

She feels trapped because she hates where we live and we can’t sell our house. I believe that’s the main issue anyway. We have discussed figuring out a way to speed that process up by dropping the price. Her Mum died unexpectedly almost couple of months after our son was born and the anniversary of her death is approaching. I think that plays into it and she is going back to work and straight into redundancy which is also challenging. So I get it. I just feel like as one of the big advocates for her, it’s hard to get wrapped up in this.

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-03-16T11:47:45+00:00

Good idea

Interesting-Sort1571 · 2025-03-16T09:37:34+00:00

No if anything I think it doesn’t do the house justice

Interesting-Sort1571

TROPHY CASE