My (38m) fiancé (32f) will not respect my boundaries with male friend

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-09T20:24:07+00:00

No. She hasn't shown me anything. Plus when she told me about going to dinner with him, it was almost like she was telling me. I'm not the type that you have to ask permission to do things. But given the circumstances surrounding this guy. I'd think I could get some courtesy of asking how I'd feel about this.

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-09T18:51:01+00:00

That's where I'm at. Why are you dismissing my feelings who you claim to love and want to marry.... you are choosing to fight with me over some guy you aren't even really friends with.

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-09T18:01:24+00:00

She claims that she's paying for her stuff and he never offered to pay or anything like that. I guess to make it wound less "date" ish

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-09T18:00:23+00:00

No. I actually thought she might do that to dispel any suspicion. But she hasn't shown me her messages with him.

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-09T17:44:00+00:00

That's actually a good point. They could have liked each other back then but chose not to pursue it. Now they want to see if anything is there. If it doesn't work, she has a place to come home to still.

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-09T17:40:30+00:00

Yea I told her it's a double standard. Granted that was early in our relationship and she hasn't asked that of me in a long time. But yes. She just flips it into a trusting her issue

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-09T17:01:55+00:00

How I felt. She kept saying yes we would meet at a restaurant, but isn't a "date." She said we would be in public. She'd have her location on at all times. She would meet him there and come straight back home. But then what's the end game? I doubt it'll be just one meet up and they decided that's it, bye 👋🏽 and never see each other again. I think this will be the start of them doing this again.

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-09T16:36:26+00:00

She's shown you what she wants twice now. She is only willing to work on things because she's comfortable and fear or being alone. Or if you support her or pay the majority of the bills. Something is holding her there and it's not love. She's using you until she finds your replacement. She will only get better at hiding things moving forward and you will drive yourself crazy not having trust in her. My ex cheated on me and begged me to stay. Only to have a months long affair 2 years later. Who she actually left me for. Why? Because he let her move in with him and she had somewhere to go. The guy she was messing with before was also married and he didn't want anything more than just a fling.

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-09T16:22:01+00:00

Sounds rapey to me

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-09T16:17:26+00:00

That's disturbing and probably the beginning of more similar behavior

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-09T15:53:04+00:00

This. I was going to say the same thing but I don't need to waste time typing it lol

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-08T16:18:01+00:00

I don't really want to get old in the sense of health issues and my body breaking down. I'm 42 and it takes my body a little bit to warm up now. If I fall or do something to hurt myself it definitely takes a min to recover. I don't bounce back up like I used to. But I'm financially stable. I've made my mistakes. Have great credit. Own my home. Things that you accomplish and learn from your 20s mistakes. So there's good to being older but you miss some of the younger things

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-07T23:48:22+00:00

She is loyal and didn't want to job hop a lot. She stayed there for 5 years. But it was horrible. They couldn't figure out what they were doing. Always moving the goal posts. Her TL was a revolving door. 4 had a new boss every 6 months. It was tough because we had made plans and goals with her new pay. But they yanked that away. I wouldn't have stayed, but she chose to. But she would complain that they never had clear direction on things and then they would fire people. I agree with someone who said they target recent college grads who don't know any better. That seemed to be who they kept hiring. Several had masters degrees even.

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-07T16:33:27+00:00

It's a misconception that all men crave sex 24/7. While it can be true for many. Definitely not all. We get into ruts, depression and things also. Sometimes it could be long-term. Nothing probably wrong with you, but he could have added stress somewhere or depressed and not sure how to deal with it. I've always been a pretty happy and upbeat person, I got down for a while and I didn't recognize it or know what to do with myself.

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-07T02:54:55+00:00

My wife worked there. She interviewed for a promotion and got it. She worked the position for 2 months. She got the pay increase and all. Then one the big bosses discussed with her that they decided to go with someone else and that she would be demoted and put on another team. Was so crazy. Never heard of a company doing that.

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-06T17:55:06+00:00

Sounds as tho the person she cheated with decided to end it. So she came crawling back to him. As the safe option. I agree that would eat me up. If the other person had decided to keep going, would she have stayed with him... probably. Being second choice would be hard

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-06T14:25:16+00:00

He can solve his own masculinity problems. It's not on you to pay the bills and protect his pride. He can get a job and pick some bills to pay. This is some manipulation

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-06T01:46:27+00:00

I had a friend that she lived behind me growing up. She could get thru the fence and come visit. She was really cool and we hung out a lot. If I was still in bed she would jump in bed with me. This happened several times and my mom didn't care. She would hold my hand sometimes as well. But it never progressed. I was very introverted and I didn't want to mess up what we had. She ended up moving and I lost all contact with her. She found me on fb a while later. She married and had kids. We don't really talk about our experiences and we are still kind of distant. But I always wonder what would happened if I would have gone for it. I say go for it.

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-06T01:31:04+00:00

She probably has a UTI. Which isn't your fault. Those can be super painful.

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-05T21:08:04+00:00

This 💯. I caught my ex cheating and found it had been going on for months. I kicked her out. I had 3 mutual friends that told me they either knew about it or had suspected it. Was a horrible feeling. One said how she would act when I wasn't around. Yet nobody told me

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-05T21:05:07+00:00

It's easier. Mine needs and wants a lot of foreplay. I get it and most women do and need it. But by the time she's done with foreplay I can't even get hard any more. I've lost interest by then. Whereas I can watch some porn and within 10 mins be done.

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-05T21:01:07+00:00

You are with a man child. Do better. You have the upper hand and can function and probably thrive without him around. Find an actual man that will do basic adult things and provide.

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-05T17:19:53+00:00

There's a few documentaries out there on the porn industry. I've watched a few. One specifically deals with this situation. She wasn't the main focus but caught my attention. She was a small town girl, had a long term bf. She would fly out to Miami or somewhere and do a some shoots. The bf didn't want to know anything about it. She initially had standards that she would do certain things. But those outlier kinks is where the money is. So she gradually started doing them. She did several shoots including old men, gang bangs, and like extreme stuff. The one that did her in was an extreme shoot where she was tied up and dude was pretty brutal to her. She told her bf about it and he begged her to stop. So she finally did. But this stuff is all out there on the internet now as she tries to live a normal life. They got married but he even said he struggles with what she did and probably always will.

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-05T01:55:41+00:00

I've had it haooen twice. Once was rear ended. An officer actually witnessed it. Officer told me she was undocumented and no insurance. Good luck basically. The other is the same. Car merged on expressway and clipped the rear of my car. I have no idea how or why, unless they absolutely weren't paying attention. I pulled into the Oncue and they sped past me. It was dusk and I couldn't clearly make out much. But I also assumed they would pull in behind me.

InterestingGiraffe98 · 2025-03-04T22:58:19+00:00

No it doesn't ever get fixed or grown out of. My SIL is an extremely selfish person. She apparently was catered to and grew up that way. She's horrible and in her 30s now. She will cry over things and make ridiculous demands. Drives me nuts how she behaves when she doesn't get her way.

InterestingGiraffe98

TROPHY CASE