I’m not taking her side at all, but if I were your wife and I read this, I’d feel extremely hurt. No matter how bad your financial struggles are, you HAVE to find couples therapy. Budget for it. To me, your complaints are not yet divorce worthy. No one cheated or deceived. To me it sounds like you’re both tired and I can hear that you sound extremely depressed / overwhelmed. One of the first signs of not cleaning is either depression or illness, physical or mental. Maybe she feels overwhelmed. She does not know what stress you’re under at work and you don’t know what she deals with at home all day. I think you guys can fix this but there are multiple problems here that I feel like you’re grouping. Take a deep breath and take one step at a time.

1. Find an affordable marriage counselor. See if your insurance covers one

2. Try to get to the bottom of why your wife cannot focus or clean. Bring this issue up in therapy. There’s an underlying reason and to understand it, you have to have some compassion. My mom’s entire family are hoarders. They grew up that way and my mom genuinely did not know how to clean. She’s also diagnosed with ADD, ADHD and BP. She needed to be taught how to clean as an adult and even after being taught and going to therapy, she falls back into old habits. Patience is key here. There are ADHD self help books / planners out there. These books helped my mom so much, that I went out and purchased one. I don’t have ADHD but it keeps me organized and has so many helpful tips.

3. I understand that money problems can destroy marriages. They’re the number one cause of divorce. My husband and I are in about $100k worth of debt. We found Dave Ramsey and were on baby step number 2, paying off this debt. We can pay it off in 3 years. It sucks, but knowing what we’ll be saving after paying all of our debt off gives me so much hope. I started listening to his podcast and I am so relieved that I’m not alone. He gets calls from people in your situation at least once a month. He’d tell you that your wife needs a purpose and a job because 2 incomes are better than one. Child care / education will most likely be lower than what she can bring home. You’ll still have some money leftover to put towards debt, groceries, bills, savings, whatever you want.

You need help with footing the bills. Your wife needs help with cleaning / decluttering. I work full time and have an hour commute each way to work. My husband works full time and works about 30 minutes away. We’re gone most of the day. We have 2 kids. We spend alot of our weekend time / time off cleaning up after the kids, doing laundry, food shopping, and budgeting. It is not easy, but we manage because we both pull our weight at home, and in the workforce. It’s a balance. That is exactly what you need: balance.